dear i want i want i want diary,
last night i was laying in bed thinking, which is unusual in itself- believe me- when i get in the bed- usually there is no time to think- i do the majority of my thinking here and in the bathtub. but seriously, i thought, wow, here i am, the little fuckers are about ready to leave the house and be all grown up- maybe i shoulda had another baby. knowing that is physically impossible for one to grow inside my body, i let myself go ahead and continue and think about everything- the bathing and crying and dressing and appointments and smiles and coo'ing and snuggling and loving and shitting and feeding- i thought of it all. i suppose then it was only natural order that a ugly baby dream would follow. yet watching my ugly baby fly away in the mouth of a big beautiful bald eagle gave me such relief- i cant explain with my fingers- or words- or even MY mouth, but knowing i wasn't responsible for that thing anymore overwhelmed me and i fell to the ground and started screaming, "the police are coming! help me up! the cops are coming!" becky jumped on the bed and woke me up the rest of the way licking my face- but my yelling had pretty much done the job. i wish i could be a little quieter sometimes- so i wouldn't disturb the dogs. i bet i am the one who used to wake up my babies all the time.
last night i was laying in bed thinking, which is unusual in itself- believe me- when i get in the bed- usually there is no time to think- i do the majority of my thinking here and in the bathtub. but seriously, i thought, wow, here i am, the little fuckers are about ready to leave the house and be all grown up- maybe i shoulda had another baby. knowing that is physically impossible for one to grow inside my body, i let myself go ahead and continue and think about everything- the bathing and crying and dressing and appointments and smiles and coo'ing and snuggling and loving and shitting and feeding- i thought of it all. i suppose then it was only natural order that a ugly baby dream would follow. yet watching my ugly baby fly away in the mouth of a big beautiful bald eagle gave me such relief- i cant explain with my fingers- or words- or even MY mouth, but knowing i wasn't responsible for that thing anymore overwhelmed me and i fell to the ground and started screaming, "the police are coming! help me up! the cops are coming!" becky jumped on the bed and woke me up the rest of the way licking my face- but my yelling had pretty much done the job. i wish i could be a little quieter sometimes- so i wouldn't disturb the dogs. i bet i am the one who used to wake up my babies all the time.