dear in my circle diary,
leaving my circle is hard and i don't like to do it. outside my circle there is a square. when i do get brave and step out of my circle and find myself in the perimeters of my square, i am aware of the eyes that are then upon me. it is inside the square that unfair things happen and i don't stay out there very long. when the eyes are on me i get really self conscious and that's where things go wrong. why is it that i am held to a higher standard than others- right off of the fucking bat? people that don't even know me assume i am something- what the fuck is up with that? i just want to be a scumbag. i just want to be FAT. i want to have greasy fucking hair and appear as if i LACK. i don't want to be smart- i don't want to dress nice- i just want to smile and live with what is real. if this means there is something wrong with me now, then i'll deal with that later. because i can still get all dressed up and curl my hair or make it straighter. i feel if you are real with me inside my safe circle- well then that is the first step to overcoming our hurdle.
leaving my circle is hard and i don't like to do it. outside my circle there is a square. when i do get brave and step out of my circle and find myself in the perimeters of my square, i am aware of the eyes that are then upon me. it is inside the square that unfair things happen and i don't stay out there very long. when the eyes are on me i get really self conscious and that's where things go wrong. why is it that i am held to a higher standard than others- right off of the fucking bat? people that don't even know me assume i am something- what the fuck is up with that? i just want to be a scumbag. i just want to be FAT. i want to have greasy fucking hair and appear as if i LACK. i don't want to be smart- i don't want to dress nice- i just want to smile and live with what is real. if this means there is something wrong with me now, then i'll deal with that later. because i can still get all dressed up and curl my hair or make it straighter. i feel if you are real with me inside my safe circle- well then that is the first step to overcoming our hurdle.