dear call me brittany diary,
usually the unibomber lets the dogs out when he is awake because it is really unsafe for me to be seen at the door but since he was already playing his guitar to the big brother feeds, i, being the beautiful and kind whore that i can be every so often, got up and let them out. it was my third time out of the bed for the day- i was kind of excited to be up. so, i made myself a nice tall refreshing beverage while they were out strolling- and then i was ready to go back to bed. i opened the back door. there are no animals to be seen. so i yell in my normal yell voice, "animals, get in the house!" and no animals respond. so i again yell, "GET YOUR FUCKING ASSES IN THIS HOUSE NOW OR IMA BEAT YOU BOTH WITH BATS YOU STUPID FUCKS! really fucking loud and here they both come trotting happily to the door. i shut and bolted the door and came to bed and found the unibomber just laughing his ass off. i said, "what the fuck is up your ass?" and he just said, "look what time it is," and i looked and i guess it is kinda late to be screamin talking all normal to my animals.