cookies on the broken nail (of a passing grandmas stove)

dear soldier boy unit diary,

attention, black hawk down- pilot requests room temperature water immediately- has discovered a minor chip in the index finger on right hand- causing stress throughout whores entire complex system relative to continuing on further without further hydration- aproximately 11.9fl oz consumed of auquafina- pure water. perfect taste. whore washed hair in very relaxing tub of hot water after a long three and a half hour nap. delighted to smell the cleanliness of the scrubbed locks- the whore put on clean pajamas and looks for a cookie. finding none, the flat assed bitch waits... for the oven to get warm. yes the oven, her grandmothers oven, of whom she dreams of often. of whose oven the woman's birthday just passed, on the 17th, last monday, the same day as michelle obamas, mlk, and the city worker's mom. the whore has been granted access to the oven. the red light has been lifted. cookies will soon emerge.

the great pretender (ie: liar)

dear nap time again diary,

i can always fall asleep listening to the statler brothers. i love them. it'll take six minutes and nineteen seconds and i know exactly whose arms will hold me when i dream. i loved those arms. they were the only arms i ever felt good in. secrets i don't share written here so i don't care. that's behind me now. ill be there again- somewhere safe that is. anyhow, i get allot of requests for allot of different things, but i don't ever remember getting a request for any of the things you asked me for. i guess that's what makes it so hard to remember how to forget.

Pics wont send here and its said it would and that just blows donkey cocK

lost track of length (again)

dear little hair growing out of my chin again diary,

i have several people signed up to come and pull you out if i ever go into a medically induced coma or otherwise, but im really afraid each one of them will forget with all the trauma and all. i mean, clearly therda had to have been trauma- i aint just gunna lay down into a sleeping coma. but im the only one who knows their growing schedule, and they are some fast growing little black bitches. did you catch that? yep- there is more than one. there are two sometimes. TWO BLACK HAIRS ahhahahahah. i swear i want to let them grow- and twist them together and put beads on them. then i could be a goat. in a way. i cant tho. because once i know its there- i cant quit fucking with it. whooda thunk ida ended up with black hairs growing out of my chin- but i guess its better than growing out of my ears.

ENTRY NUMBER 41 (IN MY NEW MAIN ST APARTMENT)

dear special entry post blog whatever number FORTY ONE diary,

i already have a lump in my throat. it hurts to know and give recognition to this entry as being the 41st entry here in my new apartment, and to go even further and baptize it special- holy mother of jordan, birth of all kangaroos in australia, it ain't special according to webster, but short bus special, orange blossom special, okay. with that being overly addressed- not unlike a jew at a bar mitzvah, i do hereby declare this sad pathetic entry has been fully completed and fulfilled- and thus- bridged the gap between forty and forty-two and nothing more else or less should indeed go in its place to save the alamo. go forth- now and always- and fear nothing- hold your breath no longer- i really thought it was going to be bad too- but it wasn't- and i am so fucking proud of myself im going to make little tiny penis cupcakes now as a reward to myself for being so good. omfg. i am an angelic whore.

learning out of the pasture (moost of the thyme)

dear its scary diary,

so the unibomber just called to tell me that if we went to hong kong that it would take seven of our US dollars to buy one of their dollars and my reply was, "that ain't where i was planning to vacation anyway," and then i think i said something like, "so fuck honk kong, what did you really want," and he said to buy silver. i let him go. i hate learning in the first three hours of when i first get up- especially from him because like 87.7% of what he learns me ain't correct 99.9% of the time- and with odds stacked like that- its best not to listen 200% of the time. i try and make inner mental noise, but i admit its hard not to want to hear the dumb things he says, oh God i hope he don't ever read this cuz then he'll know where i been getting the majority of my old material from, cuz he knows where i got all my new shit from. and its fucking damn good. but i like the old shit better- cuz when people laugh at my new shit- it still hurts a bit. i ain't gunna even lie. but i been laughin at him for 22 years, cuz i knew the day i met him- he was a cash cow- skinny little fucker with a big dick. and he didn't have a fucking dime. 

lady liberty (here i am)

dear young dog new trick diary,

so i aint sure, but i think i might be mad at becky for the first time in her eighteen month life. she has learned a new trick. she now eats cigarette packs. cute right? yep- except today- it wasn't empty. and to clarify- she doesn't actually eat them- she shreds them. she shreds mail too- all the junk mail. she used to eat all the pot seeds and stems too- BUT THAT WAS A LIFETIME AGO fucking asshole, so now ima have to start keeping my cigarettes away from the dog- AND my kid. its taking almost three days to get through a pack now anyway- i might as well quit- but sometimes they are the only thing that i find comfort in. lame i know- but something about smoking in that damned bathtub is so nice. i miss pot. i know it misses me. i will smoke again someday. let me get my ass to new york. lol. pronto.  

sweet dreams are made of piss

dear touching you in my dreams diary,

slipping my hand up your leg really made me excited, i couldn't wait to reach my destination, but when i arrived- it licked me and woke me up- you weren't there- it was becky instead. i was relieved as the little tear fell from my eye, but it never made it to the pillow- becky lifted her head and kissed it softly from my cheek. i admit i would have touched you had you've been here- i am weak when asleep. but now i get to set and think about my terrible mistake- all throughout the day- the one i didn't make.

hide and go seek (peek-a-boo)

dear found myself last night on youtube again diary,

i searched trixiethewhore- and there i was under 'ay mclovin' what a fucking way of life. will that shit ever go away i wonder? prolly not. then upon a little more doodlehabbin- there i was again- and again- and again. funny how one funky day can change it all. that was an adventure. id do it again- in a different outfit. im up early today- not by choice either- i have a massive case of heartburn. i ate macaroni and cheese and went to bed last night and now i want to hang myself from a fucking tree asap. i will be washing my hair today boys and girls- or i might as well just shave it off if im not going to take care of it- that's what my mom would say. i can almost understand the reasoning behind the theory now- i truly don't deserve hair- as scag nasty as it is- i am ashamed. i look like a homeless person. if my body smelled of onions- id fit the roll perfect. steff said last night it didn't look greasy to her at all- but she was being nice- she was being nice when she left her grey goose liquor bottle in my car too- OPEN- i threw that mf str8 out the window- i don't need that bullshit in my car. it smelled gawd awful. she called when i got around the corner too and wanted me to bring it back- i told her i done threw it out. damn the bad luck.

stinky feather head

dear i cant get up that early diary,

even tho i may want to, it doesn't work that way for me. and people don't understand that. i like toya tho, but its hard to call her that even tho that ain't her name. nobody goes by their name and i like that. makes it easier to remember to forget who everybody is and i got that face recognition disorder- so i go by the voices anyway. i do. one time that stupid city worker came to where i was and stood in the doorway looking for me and i saw him and we was like 'damn who the fuck is that,' and then when i realized it was him i was like, 'damn, let me go hide and shit,' cuz sometimes the cover of the book looks way different than the book on the inside. i shoulda never read that book. that was a dirty book now i ain't kidding. ugly mf'in book. book of lessons. i guess i could get up, but i don't wanna. nope. too cold. plus my hair be stinkin. that plug fucked me tonight or i wudda been had my hair washed. i fluffed it out earlier and everyone laughed at the feathers that flew out of it. i told 'em it would happen- nobody ever listens. i said, 'cover your pops then,' thank goodness rosa did. im surprised oil ain't drippin from it yet, i haven't warshed it since SUNDAY LOLOLOL

don't think she wont (either)

dear clues of blues diary,

hum. someone seems sad tonight, and im laughing but still sorry. laughing because you're going through hell and you deserve every minute and sorry it took me so long to figure that out. why would you want to kill anyone else- you should want to kill yourself- nobody did this to you my friend- you did a great job on your own. all the fucking hours i spent listening to you cry- all the times i defended you- saying you were such a wonderful guy- all the times i saved your ass- omfg it never did end- all the years i thought at least you would always and forever be my friend. you used me like i have never been used in my entire fucking life- and you never had intentions of leaving your cuntface wife. and that really is what she is- so fucking ugly to the core, and i may be worthless and nothing but a whore- but i will never be that ugly- not even on my worst day- and how you could trade my love for that- i know that you are gay. and when you didn't go to shelley's funeral- i knew then you were evil- because not saying goodbye to someone you loved BECAUSE YOU'RE WIFE MIGHT GET MAD is fucking- well i don't know what that is really- but its wrong and weak- and YOU'RE A GOD DANG HERO? maybe you'll run into a fire one day and maybe you wont come out. your cuntface wife will come to your funeral- to make sure the check GETS MADE OUT.

she tried to kill him (she claims)

dear what a fucking dork diary,

pop it with a cork. you know? im favored. and flavored. and i taste good. and i had so much fun tonight. i just got home a bit ago. we sat over at the girl who stabbed her husband but didn't kill hims house- actually it was her husbands house- they got back together again after he cut up all her tv's and shit. she had the flat screens. he's seems nice now that she put him into check or however you wanto say it, but- she ain't suckin his dick no more she said. i wouldn't either- that'd be enough to piss me off, ive lived that life before. im done with that tho- im to CHRONOLOGICALLY old and done being a whore. but don't tell anyone, it'll ruin my game- and i can not let that happen- it'd be a shame to let this perfect snatch go to waste. sucks tho cuz i told everyone it had herpes all on it. at least i got something for my money huh. it was worth it tho- the look on his face. i always wanted to do that.

when your ears (hang low)

dear this is what i found now diary,


decatur, IL craigslist > personals > rants & raves

You didn't live my Life (even if you observed it)

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Date: 2011-01-21, 6:08PM CST

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Because HATE is always stronger than love, sis. HATE makes the world go 'round. If I could expiate it by being allowed to KILL those who planted and nurtured, I would...but, it's post Bonnie and Clyde, and I don't even get to do that. So, Hell!--Right?

BTW, "old" is chronology, Not a state of mind. One day, like Sugar Ray Robinson said, "...you wake up, and you done slid." I HATE Life. It wasn't always this way. But, there's no Reset button and no "do-over's", and at this point, there's no turning back.

The best part of the whole deal is, I have Insurance (as you know). So, what do I care, in the finale? I know I Will...but, I don't, now. And, I won't. It's simply too late for that.

So, keep watching the headlines, poppet! Local and regional, of course. I'm not into celebrities. They haven't hurt me. All they've done is preen. We all have a right to that. 

 

k, now, there are some words i've yet to define, words i've never used in that context. like, preen and sugar ray robinson and what he said- i don't even know who he is. and wtf is a poppet- ima look that up really fast, and i havent seen many movies- so ima have to watch bonnie and clyde i guess. im not even for certain if this little note was for me- but i think it kinda was cuz i reposted the adult bookstore with 619. lol. i thought that was fucking funny as shit and still fuckin do. i don't hate my fuckin life- i just wish id never met you. wonder why?

fangs (and thangs)

dear fun day diary,

what a fun day it was. and now the fucker is gone. almost. again. damnit. but... there's still some fun to be had. i bet. yup. so ima hop rite on that. shit. i forgot my lucky rings again- ima put 'em all on tonight, that way ill be extra protected as well, iffin someone picks a fight. you never know with a moon that large, who will step up and try to snap, ill just let them know rite away- im the leader of my pack. ill show my teeth and they'll see my bling- and back right on away- and my people will just laugh at me and call me a goofy stray. well fuck them assholes- i don't like that shit- and im tired of lip from others- it really irks me and i try and stick up for all my sisters and brothers. because one day someone will stick up for me- i know that day is a coming- someone will see whats right for once- so i just keep doing what im doing. Karma is my bff- im rewarded on a daily basis- and when people see how blessed i am you'd think it would make them face this. but they carry their hate and march right on and spit on those around them- the cancer it eats them up inside- and holds their feet in stone then- all the while people laugh at their plight and wonder what happened to their souls- to turn them bitter and angry and evil- all this before they even got old.

who let the water out?

dear bath stopper plug diary,

man i hate you today. what made you come out while i went upstairs i will never understand- but you did. so i had half the water i usually do- and no fun. none. i didnt even get to wash my hair. but at least i am clean- enough anyways. clean enough for this days events. i cant believe all the sleep i have had. i was looking at my eye color in the bathtub (couldn't do much else) and i think my eyes have changed color. yes, they are still shit brown- but they appear to have feathers in them now. AND my right eye is a browner brown- with less feathering along the bottom. hopefully it was the bright light in the bathroom causing my eyes to reflect in the mirror weird, but it wasn't. im prolly gunna end up look one of those husky dogs before its all over with- and have the one blue eye- wouldn't that be nifty. fuckit then ill just pull a sled wherever i go and be done with it all. ill still getta eat meat if i have a decent owner and do a good job. and maybe someone will hold me all night like i do becky. that would be the life. i believe i would enjoy that.

rock stop (or jacuzzi)

dear train passer buyer diary,

i wouldn't purchase a train iffin i had all the money in the world. they're big and noisy. one goes by my house at midnight and 3am and that son of a bitch is loud. it ain't even really by my house either- but you can sure hear it. i fucking hate it- because when i hear it- it reminds me- "whore- you're still up," and nobody wants to be up at 3am- unless you're fucking someone new. cuz you and i both know- you aint gunna be fucking the same ole- at no 3 in the morning- not even on a special O. plus there ain't no such thing as a special O after you been with someone for so long- special occasions- long gone. if i had all the money in the world i would purchase a quiet 4x4 bus. and the whole back half would be a bed. and id have a jacuzzi on board. and i would employ top of the line NASA drivers to shuttle me around to my shows. and we would cater the finest food and fruits. and stop all the time to collect rocks. i like rocks- for the fishtank.

i did (but i didnt)

dear darling i broke a nail tonight diary,

im not sure that i can go on. nine beautiful long luscious killer nails and now one half short nail- on my pinkie on my pretty hand. whatever will i do. i know i shouldn't be complaining, it could be worse i know, but having one shorter fingernail drives me up the fucking wall- and will- until it grows. so the only thing i can think of to correct this dilemma that i am in, is to file all the others down AFUCKINGAIN. as you can prolly tail im pissed about this- i just did it the other day- so doing it again hits me in a hard way. if you wonder what happened, ill be glad to share with you that, i went to the store whila go and broke it during that. i was shutting the door and i shut it in the window switch, ever since the screw got lost- its loose as a bitch. my nail was long enough i didn't feel it in there i guess, i started pressing down to pull and the tip said clip. omfg i was mad but i didn't say a word, nope, i considered my self lucky and continued onward. when i got home i filed it right away- but the whole time in the store i couldn't stop staring at the jagged edge it was ugly and it seemed like everyone knew- i tried to keep it hidden- i just know id prolly see you.

for two years (and until further notice)

dear mad black woman diary,

oh and i get that allot too, i thought it was because i used my girlfriends picture on facelift- she's black- i wish i was black- then my mouth wouldn't be so obviously out of character- and i would have cool hair. folks think i am a man too, i get that about every other day- "living in my parents basement," usually those comments will come after i write about my sewing machine. i think it is hilarious tho, how people think they can know someone by a post on craigland- and the truth is- if they would quit trying to read in between the lines that aren't there- they could. cuz i just write what im thinking- but you cant tell 'em that. there has to be something more, has to be. but there isn't, usually. i haven't even begun to run my mouth and fingers about the shit that's happened to me in my life- fuck- just the shit that's happened in the last 13 months- really- and what brought my dumb stupid ass to that- well that was until the goat interjected his wise words of wisdom that one lovely day. but that- to be expected. i'd given up on him a long time ago anyway. i have had so many reasons i could have turned bitter and foul- but what good would that do? make my time here long and drug out. id rather spend my time happy- and make others laugh as well- and learn from all the crap ive been through- AND NOT HAVE CONTACT AND STILL PUT THEM THROUGH HELL. amen

that lying piece of dogshit (he was)

dear cock and a little tail diary,

mmm that does sound nice.  i admit my bathtub has me spoiled with silence- it duties payoff endless- day or night. a conversation with a human being- who isnt scared of me- now that would really be something for all the world to see. toooo fucking bad i dont even drink- but maybe for you i would start, but i really hafto warn you, i cry and then i barf. thats why i always tried to stick to smoking pot- i never did cocaine- i like to be relaxed and mellow- and kick back and create and laugh til im insane. i love to eat more than anything but im not a porky pig- i just love to lick and chew on things and make a big huge mess, but im not one to get real fancy and have to wear a dress. i could best be described as a meat and potato type of gal- and all the guys used to like me cuz im a guy kind of pal. i got my feelings hurt and lost five years of my life. i realize now that's my own fault and i should have told his wife- way sooner than i did.

thump thump (take a dump)

dear go go godzilla diary,

hostility breeds best in the summer, i thought anyway- turns out it can breed in the winter as well. i don't feel like going to the riverboat today- on the count of the roads and all- or i would take a trip up to the forgotten land- peoria- to the place where everything is behind the times- except the riverboat- which sucks too- but i will occasionally go there. i like the way the train goes across the highway there before you take the exit- i think that's pretty. its such a boring assed drive up there tho- fuck me. i hate going thru bloomington too- it takes twice as long- but you gotta watch them cops in tazwell county- little bitches. cocky little fucks they are too. some cops like me and some don't. that's just the luck of the draw. more have been liking me lately then not i guess. but we got more to talk about these days. never hurts to have an unliked city worker after ya, makes for an interestin conversation along side the road- or wherever you happen to be held up at. and its kinda fun having a big "hero" declare his fear of you. everyone gets a good laugh out of that when they see me. yup, ima live this up for a minute- or two. i don't see how EITHER ONE OF THEM even face their peers. i wouldn't be able to look anyone in the eyes- not for a good many years.

joy to the world (of song)

dear thinking out loud diary,

hum, if thinking out loud is talking, then when you sing- you're singing someone elses thoughts, and that is brainwashing to the furthest extent- repetition to a tune. and then to make people buy your thoughts as well, and pay money to learn your words, how ingenious is that shit- shamwow- that's amazing. ima pirate. i march to the beat of my own drum. bang bang bang. new music is weird and i don't understand it much. i like the old music i can relate to. the kind you don't have to have been molested to understand the lyrics. wrist slasher music hurts my ears. crybaby country is good- the old kind- im prolly the only one left who could listen to patsy cline, crystal gayle, and tammy wynette across country- oh and juice newton on top of the mountain- hail yeah- pedal to the metal- emmylou harris all night long. yep, that's me. but if you was to get me in the sky- id need some tim easton, shawn mullins, neil diamond, cake, and i dunno- scorpions or something- oh and sammy hagar and black sabbath. duh. but then i'd be needin the little river band and the eagles if i were walking anywhere- and pink floyd if i was gettin a tooth pulled- as i recommend comfortably numb to everyone having their wisdom teeth removed, makes for easy listening- and at my funeral id like the cranberries to be softly playing- i used to be simply mad about the song 'linger.' i think i could write a good rap song, i change the words to all of them. i wont get into that now. but trust me i do.

flying around (on the floor)

dear water wings for the air diary,

walking sometimes proves to be difficult, as loosing my balance and falling over is funny even to see. i feel like a weeble only this weeble falls down, to the ground, and the grump comes to rescue me. i don't know why this is amusing- its really scary at the time, but after its done happened and i cant change anything- it makes me laugh out of my mind. its like my brain plays a joke upstairs and turns everything OFF- and down i go- to the ground- whether the ground is hard or soft. sometimes it does suck- depending on where im at- fucking really sucks at walmart- that's why i like big hats. then i don't hit my head as hard- that part sucks it does- and waking up can sometimes be a big fuzzy fuzz. i think if i wore water wings on my arms it would cushion the fall, then maybe i could just take a nap while im down there and not get up at all. i often sleep with one arm straight above my head- so if i had a water wing on- it'd be like a pillow and thus a bed. well, at least im off the floor again for the time being, thanks to the grump for being right there and seeing- everything that happened again- without him whatever would i do- now that i cant rely on someone like you.

the cream of wheat (got ate up)

dear note to self diary,

hello self. how are you today? you should think about washing your hair again. i mean you don't have to- im just sayin- its an idea. good job on the dishwasher too- i couldntna done it better myself. oh wait- that's fucked up- i did do it myself- ok we did it together then huh? k. you did it- i watched. how does that work anyway- when you type and i read- or i type and you read? i dunno fuckit-- someone will finger it out later in peoria and tell us. all the brains are up there. i think my body wants to get sick really bad- but that flu shot is stopping it. maybe i shoulda got two flu shots then. everyone else in the house has gotten sick so far- i should be next- but im the only one who got inoculated. ill wait. if its meant to be- ill puke i suppose. becky is talking in her sleep again. she gets that from me. i wish there was a roast cooking- but i dont think that even sounds good so im glad there ain't a roast cooking- i wouldn't wanta be smelling it all day, but cept i am gunna be hungry and i don't want to cook either so im fucked. told you i ain't right. maybe some oatmeal wouldn't be so bad- now you know i am fucked up if id rather have oatmeal than cream of wheat- but i ate all the cream of wheat so who am i trying to fool.

when will the funeral be? ( i wunner)

dear people should just shut up and or drop dead diary,

another day, another way. i could think of a few. complaining doesn't solve anything, usually- not even at mcdonalds. i just got up- never thinking of peoria once- who would? peoria. what a name for a town. my aunt and uncle lived there all my life- it sucked. i can almost understand the posters grief. i slept so good last night after i ate that gravy man. so good. i love gravy. becky does too. i cant believe all the snow. that's shitty. funny tho with its timing. i love first shift snows. they cracka me up. really put a value on separation. for me anyways. i don't think ima be nappin much today. and i don't think ima be workin much tonite. and that t-total blows on both. i like to nap and i like to work- on THIS, my favorite day of the week. its bullshit, i know, but oh well. don't want to bore myself with the details. people must assume i write for them. they've again assumed wrong. haven't they. lol

medical marijuana is vacation enough (aint it)

dear reduce, reuse, and recycle diary,

don't take that home to mother. i ain't. don't worry. i haven't been by there in a minute. i really need to go. the thing is- in order to get out there- i gotta drive out past the field of fine goats that aren't fine anymore. so i just haven't been. and that's wrong and i feel bad. im going to change that directly- if not sooner. why should i care what i have to drive past to get to my mom? right? that's stupid. later today- i will do that. i feel better. im getting ready to eat chicken gravy and a biscuit. want some? oh man its good stuff in the middle of the night. i guess i really was more hungry than i thought. now i could go all night. go where- i dunno- but i could go. i wanna learn how to square dance. i wonder if anyone knows how to do that anymore. my momma used to know how to square dance. i think it would be cool. i wanna go dive with the sharks in atlanta too- i think that's where they are- at the aquarium. i gotta pick out a vacation soon or it ain't gunna happen. so i dunno. i need to johnny get on that. my idea of a vacation is to go do what i like to do- and i don't see why we cant just go do that. but no, no no no, no no no, nobody wants to go watch me do a show and get paid and eat and come home. fucking that's a good vacation. i think. wtf. go see marylin monroe's tomb- go to farmers market- eat at canter's- stay a coupla nights- go to pink's- do some laundry- visit with raul- go see aunt evelyn- VaCaTiON! nobody listens to ME! venice beach? damn. cheap date. come home with more than we left with COME ON shit. im not burnt out yet.

prolly me (actually it is me but thats ok i got something for her too)

dear naptime during bedtime diary,

really threw a wrench up in the scheme of things now- taking a nap at bedtime and all, but i am up now. how bout that. the previous picture entry caused me allot of trouble- and im not even the one who sent it. the cops on the decatur police department called it, "a chicken with its head cut off," in court, and to me, that just is a testament to how smart they are. the psycho city worker's wife who got that pic, claimed she, "couldn't leave the house after she got it," i believe it too, bitch don't cook shit- ain't nothin in their refrigerator- but she sure does go to wal-mart allot. her husband came over to my house to eat almost every fucking day, id let him eat- out of my pants- but id never let him stay. that fat fucker would stink up my house- shitting in my bathroom- and my house is little and he is all big and quite frankly- i didn't have the room- to house his fat ass- or park his van up in my driveway. that big old ugly vehicle is dumb- an eyesore in every way. i told him not to ever come here any more for any reason- but he had to come by and honk again last holiday season. that's when i sent the merry Christmas text to his wife like i said that i would. and then in february- he got the order of protection to shut me up because he thought it should. but of course that failed- the whore still wailed and sang like two birds in a tree, and if you wonder who the whore is you are not so smart- the whore is still ME. so the whole time we were together i (like a dumbass) just waited for the day that the city worker would leave MOMMY, and now look at him- all alone- just like he went in the ARMY. hes living alone- sleeping alone- living a little life- see- i told him he would survive a day without his fucking wife. im more worried about her now honestly- i feel really bad. who will she follow around now? whose making her so mad?

A THREAT?

ANYONE SCARED OF THIS?

manly (was a man)

dear paradise by the dashboard lights diary,

meatloaf sounds good for dinner, but i aint gunna get that. it would take an act of God to get that in front of me. it will happen again someday tho, with green beans and smashed potatoes. yum. i had a dream about milk today. i love milk. becky likes cheese. she is hooked in it. she is a funny little dog from wisconsin. im ready for that vacation. i am seriously considering a cruise now. cuz fuckit- i don't want to be responsible for nothin. and frankly, i don't want to do anything either- i got a list of that shit to do when i get back. i just want to go somewhere and do nothin for a spell, in the warmness of the sun, even the warm rain, and then ill be ready to deal again. i hope anyway. cuz i got alot of shit on my plate here- new shit- i aint never had to do before- exciting things to explore- and for a whore- well- im getting kinda old for this. a younger whore would prolly sling right into action- but me- im rusty. klanky. sore even. arthritic. i may have to resort to using a cane of some sort. a wheel chair. i am scared. but ill survive. ill stay alive. who knows- i may even thrive. wouldn't that be a trip- to come out swingin a whip. oh wouldn't that be such a shame, to see my words in print- and my real name. dropping the whore- there would be no more- reason to call me that anymore- would there? oh i guess you still can- if it makes you feel like a man- you know- nothing pleases you more.

quiet time (as an adult)

dear browsing around diary,

upon viewing other blogs, ive come to realize, others are far more esthetically pleasing to the eyeballs than mine, however posting pictures of children at the zoo is so domesticated. but i admit, i have pictures of my little fuckers at the zoo- the difference being- the internet was for rich people when my kids were little. the kids i saw today were cute tho- and it does inspire me to make my apartment better- but not yet. i will later. im just getting comfortable here. so far so good. ya? i miss my kids. they were cute. they were. one was cuter than the other- but he caught up- even passed up for a minute- now he's behind again- but only because he chooses to be. both of my boys are really something. either one could be famous. both have marketable qualities. i dunno where they get it from either. im glad they are unique. they sure were tough to raise tho. unlike me of course, i was prolly the easiest child ever. the hours i spent in my room for reflection- were for reflection. my mom knew i needed that. i still do. im reflecting now ever so quietly.

charging eggs (would be fun)

dear sleeping is not overrated diary,

i could do it all day long. i like the feeling of just waking up the most. i know some people hate it- not me. i like it because sometimes i don't know where i am and there is that off chance i wont have woken up here, but then i do- and its ok- cuz my wings aren't ready yet. but one day i know i'll wake up somewhere else- and then i'll prolly just want to come back home. that is how well i know myself. im looking for someone who doesn't work for the city, who knows me better- and not a goat either. im so done with goats. and why would jc penney send me a plastic credit card with my name on it- when i didn't apply for one? ima cut that bitch up. someone smoked some good ganja before plating that card. it has to be a mistake. they don't sell my kind of clothes there anyway. when they do- i wont be wearing them anymore. so on the agenda today- a big fat nothing hooray. ima load the dishwasher real fast- and maybe make some scrambled eggs.

washing walls (pounding nails)

dear i just want to decorate the place up diary,

oh my gawd, i dont wanna go to bed tho- i wanta stay up and hang pictures everywhere. i am not kidding one tiny bit. i am so happy my wrist hurts. my mind wont shit up. and truthfully there is nothing on my mind. like no big overwhelming topic- not like there usually is. my foot is asleep- that's about it. im content in my heart. fuck i got new jeans- i got a new dress- got all the boots i could possibly want- and now THIS- this eblogging place- which is not really eblogging- and why i keep calling it that i haven't a clue- it just seems like ALL IS RIGHT WITH GOD- except that zit in my nose. oh man that thing. its been four days and the scab is killing me. that and the kitchen is already trashed and the lady just left yesterday at 4:08pm CST, and wont return for a whole nother week. not good. not good at all. but im happy today. happy as piss. inexplicably so. i hope ladyrideraz has a great day as well LMAO

moving day (was yesterday actually)

dear management diary,

yes i really like it here, the people at the front desk are nice and the pool water is warm, i couldn't be more delighted with the space here in my room- im stayin. the view is cool- my neighbors are quiet- i can send postcards to craigland- yee hawl- as long as they dont start gettin complaints about me- which you know they will- ima make myself at home here. i hope you can have animals- ima keep becky. she goes wherever i go. so i dunno. shes not really an animal- but to others she is- i believe in corrosion of conformity- and as soon as i can convince everyone else its the way to go- we will all lead more productive lives. wow. my new apartment. you guys like it here or what? plenty of parking too. the lady next door to me sure is pretty. i saw her shit last night. she has kids but they are quiet. i checked that little over 18 box- cuz i dont want no kids here- unless they come with yall. pets and babies are kewl tho. and elderly. i like old people. k ima go back to bed now, i think becky is ready again.

rise and dull (shine later)

dear didn't expect me up so early didja diary,

nope me neither. couldn't sleep. people slidin around like idiots outside. i got up and tried my new dress on i got the other day at the mall and it actually fits. ima wear it with my boots. i might wear it to work tomorrow if i can find any underwear. i dunno if i have any. i think they all got tore up. fucking city worker. my tummy is making funny noises. i think my flu shot is trying to work again. i have prolly to much faith in them things- but then why am i always the one who doesn't get sick? everyone else pukes and shits and coughs and hacks and refuses to get the egg shot. thats on you. i got mine cuz i thought i was goin to jail. yeah that's right- you heard it. i thought i was gunna be little wayne'in it. but ida got one anyway- i do every year. ive been so much healthier since i quit hanging out with the city worker too, gawd he was sick all the time- he was. he had sinus shit all the time- sore throats- upper respiratory issues- constantly. course i know now- thats just a minor consequence of sucking all the dick in town- but who knew.

a new brand of paper (that cant be destroyed)

dear whole different feeling diary,

it really is a whole different landscape knowing that little motherfucker cant erase what ive written. he cant chop down my trees while i sleep. he cant pull up my flowers. he cant rip thru my sandcastles. hahahahaha. man i am sittin on top of the world right about now. cherry cheese i got new keys. i feel like i could stay up all night long and do this. but i wont. people are prolly on the phone now with their local mental health professional hotlines, "uh yes, we have a new whack job on ebloggerdotcom, we think its a he saying its a she and its lost its mind." is this eblogger? or just blogger? where am i? i like it here. its super quiet. all the tools up yonder- shit- i ain't used half of them yet. oh yeah its been like Christmas around here tonight. i love that mr link guy. he didn't think i was serious either. called me sassy- im not sassy, i just say what im thinking. ive never blogged before. i don't even know if im doing it right. i don't even care. but it will go in to the bigger version somewhere i am sure. in the mr link chapter- if nowhere else.

a thank you note (to mr link himself)

dear mr link diary,

good day to you sir. you have given me such a gift. my own little scrapbook of sorts- where no little fucktard can rip my pages out. i swear it didnt bother me tho- i swear it didnt but it sure is gunna be nice to just get up and go. how will i ever be able to thank you? do you have a paypal account? i feel like i should buy you lunch, if you want paid- name the amount. i would have never tried this- i would have never come- i would have just stayed until someone told me- told me that i was dumb. i would never ask for a ride- until i raise my thumb. and by then id be so desperate- my feet would be wore out- id be so weak from crying too- i wouldn't be able to shout. i stay with things until there are no things to stay with anymore- sometimes i think thats why some people call me a whore. i can help it, like i said- im dumb till the end. but if you ever need me, compose a message and press send.

the hair gang (a hippy stage show)

dear people crack me up diary,

every single day its something, you cant make everyone happy. someone is always on my nuts about something. my drivel is boring. ok. dont read it, i wasn't writing it for you, in fact, i didnt know you existed, so i will now try and tailor my diary to fit ms ladyrideraz1958. yeah. ill get rite on that. so what are you like ladyrideraz1958? you sure have a bland name. talk about boring. figure you out ina nutshell. bout four times divorced? drink every weekend? camp in the summer? into car racing? maybe drinking through the week? hubby smell like a dirty onion? house smell like a dark bowling alley? fridge clankin? got that friend that stays to long? sad when eddie died at barbs place?  dont worry one more line wont make him have a heart attack- hes got the nitro hooked to his belt. aintcha glad he found his wallet tho- im glad they invented chains. outta make em for hats too. you think that bald spot on his head is cuz them bitches stopped him from eatin their pussy? i know i grabbed out a handful or two in my time.

here's the emails i usually get (lololololololol)

From:

"LadyriderAZ" ladyrideraz_1958@xxxxxxx

Add sender to Contacts

To:

pers-4tdke-2168112909@craigslist.org

** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html

WTF???  Are you the only one that thinks he or she is allowed to post on R & R or what?  I see you flag every fucking post except yours - fuck off and get a fucking life!

 

You drivel is boaring

 

 

I JUST WANNA SAY- IM UNABLE TO FLAG. IVE TRIED AND I CAN'T. AND THESE ARE MY FIRST WORDS IN RED. AND YOU FUCK OFF LADYRIDERAZ LETS SEE SOMETHING YOU WRITE

the quicker shitter cleaner rubber (inner)

dear yep this might indeed be what i need diary,

itll be interesting to see what happens now, boy that flagger will have a cow. he wont know what to do, when he finds out there are copies two- one he can flag there and one he cant here- omg he will go insane and possibly drink beer. ill be sleeping soundly, as i have been throughout my posting days, but now i have found a way to get around his pesky ways. i kinda got burnt out- going through my old posts- i got bored reading my old crybaby shit- ive really come so far since then- im glad i finally quit. i rode that city worker shit hard for a while- beat that dead horse hard- beat it and beat it and beat that bitch- beat it out of the yard. you could tell i was hurtin real bad- my words were all over the place- one thing was certain tho- that truth was in your face. im good at takin shit and rubbin your nose in it. i dunno if thats a talent or not, but its something i have to live with. fucking sucks real bad when its done to me and believe me it does happen, but its part of life and i just cry and blow my nose in a napkin. a clear nasal passage and a breath of air just always makes things so much better, ill try not to do the rubbin next time- but i will- cuz if i dont youll keep shittin.

ex parte (asking to withdrawl)

dear this is a new way of doing things diary,

ima have to get used to the way this looks, and im not sure if im posta start a new blog thing every time or if i just make one big string. i suppose its a learn as you go type thing. looks like i got bold font slant font and underwire font too  which makes me squirm with delight. i am so used to the standard average font. i dont get around much and i know ima get into trouble with 914, cuz im not supposed to leave my shit online long, ill call him tomorrow and get his opinion. its weird doing new things. it takes a big nudge to get me to do something new. i dont know what made me jump off the cliff this time, but i did it. i just hope i like it.

goin for a helicopter ride (halloween day post)

im nervous lolol hate bein in that loud ass thing, i feel like a fly, and Im always worried my hair is going to get sucked up and twisted around the blades when i get on or off. its fun to fly tho, you can see allot lol, and people cant see who you are when you're up in the air. its like you're not even there. but you are. lol. but you aint. cuz theres no frickin weigh you could be, up there? naw, thats just dumb. now aint it. lol it is. helicopters make alot of noise. dont they? some do. on the ground. mine does. lol. up in the air? not so much. my hair is long tho. it tangles so bad. alot of times i wear it piled on my head. ive been told i was ugly with my hair up. lol so when i ride in my helicopter, i always wear it down. how does that make you feel? its nice out today. ima take a bath. the dog next door is in heat. why dont people spay their bitches and neuter their husbands? guess we'll never know. ooops my rides here and im not even wet. gotta fly yall. up up and away.

anyone know what this means??

I love you, baby (Thank You)

---

Date: 2011-01-17, 3:51AM CST

---

A Hero Can Save Us
I'm Not Gonna Stand Here And Wait

...'s good advice, sister. If you're darkness foreknown to Light.

Nigh-nigh. Do you remember opening your eyes?

using a dull scalpel (for a successful surgery)

dear accepting things you cant remember,

seems like that would be easy to do, doesn't it? it isn't. i don't care what anyone says- i did not stuff that crust. you weigh your produce when you buy it in bulk. i got split ends again- time to get back on a plane. no i like it here. my new boss told me i need to remove my postings rather quickly from craigland- so the flagger- it could be him. i dont question the flagger, nor do i curse and call him names likein everyone else. the flagger is kinder to me than everybody else- so- you will not ever catch me bad mouthing him, WITH THAT BEEEEING SAID, i do happen to know there are two (or more) flaggers here tho, lol, a scared middle aged city worker (with a very small penis VERY SMALL) and his angry herpe infested, "hot dog down-a-hallway" wife, who plays nurse everyday- and says ive yet to grow up- and you MUST take her seriously with her tattoos on each wrist OR ELSE, one of her normal friends who fear not following the commands of their psycho friends will get you. needless to say, i always repost, and then write new and move on. at a minimum there is incompetence, that i wont write again, the plan is that i will improve writing and address the underlying mistrust that goes back to before 2006, do you believe that? are you seeking help? it really is the launch point for nothing better than an appetite for surgically removing the biggest problem- and that is no good option either.

new help wanted ad (original post 11/10/10)

dear help me diary,

dumb whore lookin to expand business, easy to look at, doesn't smell anymore, not currently broke out, no court appointments for a month, all blood work current and negative, no appointments until after noon if possible, no alcohol, marlboro lights in a box only, hates McDonalds (except at 4am) likes bubble baths and mtv, doesn't go on city property, except the library, and civic center to pay the water bill, oops i mean payment, and loves red meat and milk. will not eat at the olive garden, ever, in a million years ever, or applebees.
looking for a fat, easy-going, toothless (preferably) married, lol, homeless, career driven man- late forty's- early fifty's, with an std, to fill a huge gap left by an individual im just having a hard time living without. i can deal with porn and video games and sexual addictions, put prefer no anal at this time. thanks for reading. if you do reply, put no buttfucker in the subject line so i know ur real.

fuuuuuuuuuuuk you

dear hailow diary,

what in the hail are you doing here and why has it taken me five months to introduce my blog? it is now MAY18th and i am just now putting down this welcome mat, i suppose ima stay. they ain't kicked me out yet anyway. high? neither am i. and not by choice- let me tell you. my birthday was the other day and it passed without event, YAY, and i don't feel any different. i am old now and for the first time understanding my opinions in life don't matter AT ALL to anyone- and they never really did. am i okay with that, well fuck to the hell no, but i have to be. i'm not dumb, but i'll play dumb on tv- in a heartbeat. i've learned to get by in life, always thinking i almost had something- almost was something, almost got somewhere, and then a hero pulled the rug out from under me, but the thing is, and it is a big thing, I LET HIM. accepting responsibility for the actions of my pussy is what my intentions are in this blog. somehow explaining every single thing i ever did leading up to what happened- i think will cause the guilt to vacate my patterns of thinking and so far, it seems to be working.