dear sometimes its like i am in jail diary,
i am doing my time here, but there are no bars on the windows and the doors are not locked. the 3am train is on time tonight, and i can eat whatever i want. there is nothing on tv- and i can turn the channel and see, but there is still nothing on the tv- nothing for me. i have paid for the internet all these years- gosh since 2001 when i got sentenced to live here, and i used it in 2005 for a month or two- and just started using it again last september. it became a method of venting for me- but i didn't want to make any friends this time, i only wanted to record my thoughts and organize them and possibly make a dime. writing is a quieter and much safer form of communication for me because when i speak i tend to get very loud. then it becomes an audition of sorts, then a full blown performance- if you're lucky- then an encore presentation, then we go home and have sex- and i fall in love- then you hate me- then your wife hates me- then the court papers come and all that shit.... so i don't leave the house anymore. i stay at home and do this. everyone else just continues on and gets to talk their shit. don't get me wrong there are things i still do- i am just very well protected. at work there are cops and cameras and rosa and my crew who would never leave me neglected. even while stawking there is a whole load mocking every sound i make. all making sure my intentions are pure and i have a reason to be on surveillance.
i am doing my time here, but there are no bars on the windows and the doors are not locked. the 3am train is on time tonight, and i can eat whatever i want. there is nothing on tv- and i can turn the channel and see, but there is still nothing on the tv- nothing for me. i have paid for the internet all these years- gosh since 2001 when i got sentenced to live here, and i used it in 2005 for a month or two- and just started using it again last september. it became a method of venting for me- but i didn't want to make any friends this time, i only wanted to record my thoughts and organize them and possibly make a dime. writing is a quieter and much safer form of communication for me because when i speak i tend to get very loud. then it becomes an audition of sorts, then a full blown performance- if you're lucky- then an encore presentation, then we go home and have sex- and i fall in love- then you hate me- then your wife hates me- then the court papers come and all that shit.... so i don't leave the house anymore. i stay at home and do this. everyone else just continues on and gets to talk their shit. don't get me wrong there are things i still do- i am just very well protected. at work there are cops and cameras and rosa and my crew who would never leave me neglected. even while stawking there is a whole load mocking every sound i make. all making sure my intentions are pure and i have a reason to be on surveillance.
