dear numbers mean everything but words say things too diary,
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| 69 posts this week. the end. |
June 18, 2011
trailer park trash
dear diving in a trailer park diary,
i have never lived in a trailer, my mom always said they were like breadboxes. i'd be afraid the fucker would blow off come the first burst of wind. i wouldn't mind stayin in one down on the farm for the weekend or a week or something like that, but everyday life- i dunno. my grandparents had a mobile home trailer thing in arizona though that was affixed to the dagum earth. i dunno how that works. is it still a trailer when it is melted to the ground with glue and in the middle of "hell/paradise?" because i would have lived in that one for more than a week. i don't care if the grass was spray painted green and a big cactus was the only tree- i'da lived there. but i gotta wait cuz you gotta be fifty to live there. hopefully it will cool off out there in arizona by the time i get to be fifty. i plan to dive right on in to the trailer park life just as soon as i possibly can.
i have never lived in a trailer, my mom always said they were like breadboxes. i'd be afraid the fucker would blow off come the first burst of wind. i wouldn't mind stayin in one down on the farm for the weekend or a week or something like that, but everyday life- i dunno. my grandparents had a mobile home trailer thing in arizona though that was affixed to the dagum earth. i dunno how that works. is it still a trailer when it is melted to the ground with glue and in the middle of "hell/paradise?" because i would have lived in that one for more than a week. i don't care if the grass was spray painted green and a big cactus was the only tree- i'da lived there. but i gotta wait cuz you gotta be fifty to live there. hopefully it will cool off out there in arizona by the time i get to be fifty. i plan to dive right on in to the trailer park life just as soon as i possibly can.
moo moo i needa donut too
dear blograt diary,
thinking how things are and thinking how things were, i do not like the new updated dashboard on the atari360. prince william always changes shit around when he comes here and the unibomber doesn't know yet and he's gunna have a fucking fit and it will all be my fault- so i gotta hurry up and get online and say i did it and the unibomber will automatically know i am lying my ass off because i am really dumb at shit like that and would never do that. ever. in a million years. like ever. so i dunno. it's all atari360 to me kids. what ever happened to pitfall anyway. that was my favorite game. i thought that dude was hot- and you know something- turns out, the unibomber body physique looks damn near just like him. skinny as a rail. omfg i am a whale. i hate to broadcast my entire weight today, but i will cuz i don't care, but i weighed one hundred and forty seven pounds. ima fat fucking moo moo. we be working on this bitch directly.
thinking how things are and thinking how things were, i do not like the new updated dashboard on the atari360. prince william always changes shit around when he comes here and the unibomber doesn't know yet and he's gunna have a fucking fit and it will all be my fault- so i gotta hurry up and get online and say i did it and the unibomber will automatically know i am lying my ass off because i am really dumb at shit like that and would never do that. ever. in a million years. like ever. so i dunno. it's all atari360 to me kids. what ever happened to pitfall anyway. that was my favorite game. i thought that dude was hot- and you know something- turns out, the unibomber body physique looks damn near just like him. skinny as a rail. omfg i am a whale. i hate to broadcast my entire weight today, but i will cuz i don't care, but i weighed one hundred and forty seven pounds. ima fat fucking moo moo. we be working on this bitch directly.
the hats for my head
dear dumb fuck diary,
when i got home from dads i had a whirlwind of shit to do because i found out at dads that he is bringing five t-bone steaks over here from his 'big steer' tomorrow and wants to cook them on our grill because they all wont fit on his. i don't mind at all- not at all really- the kitchen is clean and i need to vacuum the living room but he asked for a peach pie. ima put on my pie maker hat and see what i can come up with. scalloped corn is a must because with it comes no fuss and the oven will already be hot. william and i had such a good mexican breakfast feast this morning it is hard to think about eating anything else, except that meatloaf we had for dinner- damn- and now steaks and corn and a pie to digest and shit out tomorrow. i don't know if i'll be able to eat all that- ima be laughin my ass off. june one nine.
when i got home from dads i had a whirlwind of shit to do because i found out at dads that he is bringing five t-bone steaks over here from his 'big steer' tomorrow and wants to cook them on our grill because they all wont fit on his. i don't mind at all- not at all really- the kitchen is clean and i need to vacuum the living room but he asked for a peach pie. ima put on my pie maker hat and see what i can come up with. scalloped corn is a must because with it comes no fuss and the oven will already be hot. william and i had such a good mexican breakfast feast this morning it is hard to think about eating anything else, except that meatloaf we had for dinner- damn- and now steaks and corn and a pie to digest and shit out tomorrow. i don't know if i'll be able to eat all that- ima be laughin my ass off. june one nine.
caller ID and an ANSWERING MACHINE
dear finding shit out diary,
so here's the deal. i never can keep a secret, so iffin you ever have one, do not tell me. it's a major character flaw i have goin on. that and the whole, "i gotta talk the way you do thing," i dunno, fuck it anyway we all cant be perfect like cuntface. at any rate, i busted in over at my dad's house and just flat asked him if he wanted that hose or not- because i knew he would tell me. he said he'd use one but didn't seem to thrilled and i asked if there was something he'd like more. he wanted a new caller ID box that lit up because his quit lighting up after the lightning struck the tree in the front yard back in april and blew up his snowman. so that's what we got him, only this one came with two new phones too- one with a cord and one without. prince william is still over there now showing him how to use the answering machine. daddy is movin up in the world- slowly but shirly.
so here's the deal. i never can keep a secret, so iffin you ever have one, do not tell me. it's a major character flaw i have goin on. that and the whole, "i gotta talk the way you do thing," i dunno, fuck it anyway we all cant be perfect like cuntface. at any rate, i busted in over at my dad's house and just flat asked him if he wanted that hose or not- because i knew he would tell me. he said he'd use one but didn't seem to thrilled and i asked if there was something he'd like more. he wanted a new caller ID box that lit up because his quit lighting up after the lightning struck the tree in the front yard back in april and blew up his snowman. so that's what we got him, only this one came with two new phones too- one with a cord and one without. prince william is still over there now showing him how to use the answering machine. daddy is movin up in the world- slowly but shirly.
posting from afar
dear improperly entered but corrected blog diary,
sorry diary LOL i missed my timestamp. the guy who lives behind my dad didn't say 'high.' CRACKHEADS
i modified this at 9:27PM ty
sorry diary LOL i missed my timestamp. the guy who lives behind my dad didn't say 'high.' CRACKHEADS
i modified this at 9:27PM ty
ChooChoo
dear on the sit diary,
let's all sit down and have us a chit chat. i haven't been working on the railroad, but i saw people walking down the tracks today. i was always scared of the train tracks as a child. they were big and cold and terrifying to me. i realize now that it's prolly because i was never around the rails and living in the country when the my kids were small, i took them often down to the railroad crossing by the creek and took many pictures just to capture the time we spent there. there is something magical about those shots i took on those days. i think if i was going to slip away from this life, i would do it on our nations railways at night. all aboard- it's time to fly, but i've never even been on a train- and that is no lie. there has always been a sweet romance- thinking of riding through country side looking out of the side of a rail car- cutting through a mountain and parting the hills. going to sleep with the almost even tracks to rock you- this trip is calling at me hard- like few really do.
let's all sit down and have us a chit chat. i haven't been working on the railroad, but i saw people walking down the tracks today. i was always scared of the train tracks as a child. they were big and cold and terrifying to me. i realize now that it's prolly because i was never around the rails and living in the country when the my kids were small, i took them often down to the railroad crossing by the creek and took many pictures just to capture the time we spent there. there is something magical about those shots i took on those days. i think if i was going to slip away from this life, i would do it on our nations railways at night. all aboard- it's time to fly, but i've never even been on a train- and that is no lie. there has always been a sweet romance- thinking of riding through country side looking out of the side of a rail car- cutting through a mountain and parting the hills. going to sleep with the almost even tracks to rock you- this trip is calling at me hard- like few really do.
extra pudding for the ill backed
dear sick people diary,
omg you need an intravenous drip of morphine and chocolate. then a mouthful of pot smoke to inhale into your lungs. i'll give you this extra post but you have another one coming at 7:41, and then i should be back from sears by 8:41 to do another. ima go get my dad that craftsman hose really fast. the meatloaf is GONE. my people licked the pan. i got prince harry on all the dishes for money. the smushed red potatoes were equally as yummy, but i dunno, that meatloaf, i shoulda made two i guess. GONE that bitch is. i used to have back problems something awful. i did. that was after the kids were born- i damn near couldn't walk. i dunno what i'd do iffin that ever happened again- prolly die. my threshold for pain is lower on my back and ears than it is for my head and elbows. k brb xoooxo
omg you need an intravenous drip of morphine and chocolate. then a mouthful of pot smoke to inhale into your lungs. i'll give you this extra post but you have another one coming at 7:41, and then i should be back from sears by 8:41 to do another. ima go get my dad that craftsman hose really fast. the meatloaf is GONE. my people licked the pan. i got prince harry on all the dishes for money. the smushed red potatoes were equally as yummy, but i dunno, that meatloaf, i shoulda made two i guess. GONE that bitch is. i used to have back problems something awful. i did. that was after the kids were born- i damn near couldn't walk. i dunno what i'd do iffin that ever happened again- prolly die. my threshold for pain is lower on my back and ears than it is for my head and elbows. k brb xoooxo
fuck my ass
dear fuck my ass diary,
ok, i feel i have someone who likes to check my "fuck my ass" box. well, i am so glad i put it there then. i am cooking my famous meatloaf right now, "fuck my ass," and it smells so damn good. i just love meatloaf and my people do as well. you guys i got the bestest picture today. look what my blood pressure was.....
ok, i feel i have someone who likes to check my "fuck my ass" box. well, i am so glad i put it there then. i am cooking my famous meatloaf right now, "fuck my ass," and it smells so damn good. i just love meatloaf and my people do as well. you guys i got the bestest picture today. look what my blood pressure was.....
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| i might even live... fuck my ass.. |
ninja crawdads
dear overhead sky diary,
mirror mirror on the floor- i broke you into pieces and thought no more. if bad luck were to come my way- i'll take what luck i can- it's better than none is what i'll say. two outs left in the inning, no man on base, one strike- three balls- just walk him and put that last stray in his face. it ain't like he'll get anywhere- just give the next guy a chance- see what he can do- see if he'll get up there and dance. sometimes it all comes together and sometimes it all falls apart, but you never know what will happen until someone starts pulling the cart. if you get things going early or you get on board late, it doesn't really matter if you're willing to create. step back and admire what others see in your life, step back and reevaluate your relationships that are not right.
mirror mirror on the floor- i broke you into pieces and thought no more. if bad luck were to come my way- i'll take what luck i can- it's better than none is what i'll say. two outs left in the inning, no man on base, one strike- three balls- just walk him and put that last stray in his face. it ain't like he'll get anywhere- just give the next guy a chance- see what he can do- see if he'll get up there and dance. sometimes it all comes together and sometimes it all falls apart, but you never know what will happen until someone starts pulling the cart. if you get things going early or you get on board late, it doesn't really matter if you're willing to create. step back and admire what others see in your life, step back and reevaluate your relationships that are not right.
happy birthday ROGER!!!
dear birthday boy roger diary,
i simply love birthday's. especially when they are on easy days i can forever remember. cemented always, june one eight will be roger's special date, in my head, from now on- because it comes the day before june one nine. FOR FUCKS SAKE, and sweet Jesus in the sky knows i'll never forget the june one nine as long as i live and breathe. now, that doesn't always mean i'll remember who roger is, (sorry roger i ain't seen your penis yet) but i will always remember june one eight is a special day for some reason- even if i cant remember why. with that said... wow. i still love birthday's. i really like the cake part. roger tried to woo me with the weed and it almost worked. it almost did. i was mentally driving to peoria with my bong between my legs and my rolling papers in my hat and my onehitter behind my ear. then i saw my real life framed court paper the judge and i signed sitting on the tv stand giving permission for a home search and urine testing for my court conditional discharge or whatever. i don't want to be put to death because of some little bitty dick HERO bastard. i only have 460 some days left now and i can smoke all the weed i want. i hit the blunt a few weeks ago, shhhh, it's long gone by now, i had to though.... it was MY birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!!
i simply love birthday's. especially when they are on easy days i can forever remember. cemented always, june one eight will be roger's special date, in my head, from now on- because it comes the day before june one nine. FOR FUCKS SAKE, and sweet Jesus in the sky knows i'll never forget the june one nine as long as i live and breathe. now, that doesn't always mean i'll remember who roger is, (sorry roger i ain't seen your penis yet) but i will always remember june one eight is a special day for some reason- even if i cant remember why. with that said... wow. i still love birthday's. i really like the cake part. roger tried to woo me with the weed and it almost worked. it almost did. i was mentally driving to peoria with my bong between my legs and my rolling papers in my hat and my onehitter behind my ear. then i saw my real life framed court paper the judge and i signed sitting on the tv stand giving permission for a home search and urine testing for my court conditional discharge or whatever. i don't want to be put to death because of some little bitty dick HERO bastard. i only have 460 some days left now and i can smoke all the weed i want. i hit the blunt a few weeks ago, shhhh, it's long gone by now, i had to though.... it was MY birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!!
a new development
dear recall this diary,
when it starts to lightning outside, i always imagine that the paparazzi are outside taking pictures of my house trying to get me to come out. i've been around a bunch of flashes and it makes me almost pass out. like, if i was the octomom or if i'd done something to make people follow me around- oh shit- it wouldn't be good- i'll tell you that right now. they'd be snappin some dumbass pictures of me. and have you heard how many times the word "whore" has been on tv lately? i didn't know that was an approved word even. that tv, always sending me messages. whenever i get stressed out i try and figure out why. i try and get to the root of the matter. if someone was following me around taking pictures 24/7 like the movie stars have done to them, well it would be pretty hard to get to the root of anything, even to just be followed around. oh well get fucking used to it. i'm not spending the money.
when it starts to lightning outside, i always imagine that the paparazzi are outside taking pictures of my house trying to get me to come out. i've been around a bunch of flashes and it makes me almost pass out. like, if i was the octomom or if i'd done something to make people follow me around- oh shit- it wouldn't be good- i'll tell you that right now. they'd be snappin some dumbass pictures of me. and have you heard how many times the word "whore" has been on tv lately? i didn't know that was an approved word even. that tv, always sending me messages. whenever i get stressed out i try and figure out why. i try and get to the root of the matter. if someone was following me around taking pictures 24/7 like the movie stars have done to them, well it would be pretty hard to get to the root of anything, even to just be followed around. oh well get fucking used to it. i'm not spending the money.
another secret billy had
dear if ever diary,
if there is nothing left then why is there always something lingering thick in the air? if i sold my house and moved out of town i would still follow you. that's just how it is i suppose. until this game is finally over- that is how it has to go. i ain't the one who began this whole mess. i don't like leaving the house much when i wear a dress. sometimes when your face splashes across my dream screen, i can still hear the lies and promises you made and how you ended up being so mean. i hear the stories about other whores like me and true they are much the same, but i just knew i was different, i felt no shame. nearing the end of the country road i found that place where we once went on this date. i don't know why i went there again or how the wheel got bent. i obviously needed to see for myself what we had done five years ago today, but i promised i would never tell anyone and i haven't yet to this day.
if there is nothing left then why is there always something lingering thick in the air? if i sold my house and moved out of town i would still follow you. that's just how it is i suppose. until this game is finally over- that is how it has to go. i ain't the one who began this whole mess. i don't like leaving the house much when i wear a dress. sometimes when your face splashes across my dream screen, i can still hear the lies and promises you made and how you ended up being so mean. i hear the stories about other whores like me and true they are much the same, but i just knew i was different, i felt no shame. nearing the end of the country road i found that place where we once went on this date. i don't know why i went there again or how the wheel got bent. i obviously needed to see for myself what we had done five years ago today, but i promised i would never tell anyone and i haven't yet to this day.
scratch my legs
dear four fingers and a thumb diary,
seriously, i am for real. i bruise like a banana. this is true. but i can deal with that. here's what i cant deal with. bruise interpreters. i don't know and have never met any expert in bruises or the reading of bruises. but when i get what appears to be a four finger one thumb bruise on my upper thigh- it ain't from fuckin. my customers are very gentle, first of all, and just because i get those exact patterns of bruising all the time, (three or four times a month) doesn't necessarily mean someone is lifting me above their head for kinky oral sex- now does it? i mean it could very well be it's some power position play in the bed or even a struggle in a wooded area against a tree. but fuckin? it doesn't always have to be about the fuckin.
seriously, i am for real. i bruise like a banana. this is true. but i can deal with that. here's what i cant deal with. bruise interpreters. i don't know and have never met any expert in bruises or the reading of bruises. but when i get what appears to be a four finger one thumb bruise on my upper thigh- it ain't from fuckin. my customers are very gentle, first of all, and just because i get those exact patterns of bruising all the time, (three or four times a month) doesn't necessarily mean someone is lifting me above their head for kinky oral sex- now does it? i mean it could very well be it's some power position play in the bed or even a struggle in a wooded area against a tree. but fuckin? it doesn't always have to be about the fuckin.
June 17, 2011
blogging to forget makes me remember
dear oh dear oh dear diary,
i am sitting here wondering when i will be ready to post something intelligent, but i doubt that will ever happen tonight. seems like all i have on my mind are my tits and chicken wings and potato soup- so i dunno. looking ahead to tomorrow already, i can see nothing that needs to be done yet, which relieves me of any pressing duties. whew. i feel better already. fucking i had a father's day gift for my dad all planned out in my fat head and now i cant remember what it was. oh but i have the world's greatest post ready for sunday. FUCK YES. picture and all. part of the picture has already been posted in a previous post on my blog, AND left outside the courthouse, AND entered as evidence in two court cases AND everything else, but ima post the whole mother fucker- cuz i can, cuz i want to, and cuz i think it is time. stay tuned for that. i hate it when my mind shuts down though- i know i knew the perfect gift- just the other day- and OMFG I JUST REMEMBERED- he needed a new garden hose. thank you for reminding me. blogging always helps.
i am sitting here wondering when i will be ready to post something intelligent, but i doubt that will ever happen tonight. seems like all i have on my mind are my tits and chicken wings and potato soup- so i dunno. looking ahead to tomorrow already, i can see nothing that needs to be done yet, which relieves me of any pressing duties. whew. i feel better already. fucking i had a father's day gift for my dad all planned out in my fat head and now i cant remember what it was. oh but i have the world's greatest post ready for sunday. FUCK YES. picture and all. part of the picture has already been posted in a previous post on my blog, AND left outside the courthouse, AND entered as evidence in two court cases AND everything else, but ima post the whole mother fucker- cuz i can, cuz i want to, and cuz i think it is time. stay tuned for that. i hate it when my mind shuts down though- i know i knew the perfect gift- just the other day- and OMFG I JUST REMEMBERED- he needed a new garden hose. thank you for reminding me. blogging always helps.
free falling
dear small town titties diary,
it feels really good not to wear a bra. i don't get them out very often, but sometimes they need air. right is right. the road winds and it turns and it curves a bit, but don't worry, you wont get lost. tools are important and you should rely on them for help. that's what i do and that's what every good whore does. fire up that grill big boy i am starvin. aww the good old days. you only make it harder on yourself when you don't use your head.
it feels really good not to wear a bra. i don't get them out very often, but sometimes they need air. right is right. the road winds and it turns and it curves a bit, but don't worry, you wont get lost. tools are important and you should rely on them for help. that's what i do and that's what every good whore does. fire up that grill big boy i am starvin. aww the good old days. you only make it harder on yourself when you don't use your head.
bag of potatoes
dear dinner was marvelous diary,
once i ate the bratwurst i was afraid i wouldn't be able to eat that big bowl of soup, oh but i did. and here in about ten minutes ima slither back in there and tank down another bowl. what was your play at dinner tonight? we were going out, but something rang soup loud and clear in my head and caused me to want to stay in tonight. sometimes i go over the line. but the desire is so strong, i cant stand it. i know it's not cold outside, but soup is my favorite food. especially potato soup. first i fry the potatoes and today i added onions on the count that i'm on a huge onion kick. i even left some of the skin on the red potatoes today because i wanted some color. then i add my chicken stock and cream and wow, it's almost done. now ima doctor the leftovers up and load it up with bacon bits, sour cream and cheese. then i wont have to go anywhere tomorrow either.
once i ate the bratwurst i was afraid i wouldn't be able to eat that big bowl of soup, oh but i did. and here in about ten minutes ima slither back in there and tank down another bowl. what was your play at dinner tonight? we were going out, but something rang soup loud and clear in my head and caused me to want to stay in tonight. sometimes i go over the line. but the desire is so strong, i cant stand it. i know it's not cold outside, but soup is my favorite food. especially potato soup. first i fry the potatoes and today i added onions on the count that i'm on a huge onion kick. i even left some of the skin on the red potatoes today because i wanted some color. then i add my chicken stock and cream and wow, it's almost done. now ima doctor the leftovers up and load it up with bacon bits, sour cream and cheese. then i wont have to go anywhere tomorrow either.
flashbulb fuchsia
dear lewd photo diary,
honestly, i don't get what the big deal is. people send pictures of their dick over the internet every day. if i was the wife or whore of someone who sent a picture of their penis to another party it wouldn't piss me off unless his penis was embarrassingly small and reflected on me in some way. in my opinion, you ought to have something worth taking a picture of if you're gunna send out or even capture electronic images of it. for instance, more panoramic views will be taken of a rich landscape than a gravel path. i've been through this, believe it or not, this whole electronic imagery penis ordeal thing. it was pretty fun. see, the hero doodled his little member on the kitchen counter like a mini smoked sausage and snapped a shot of it and sent it all over town and when i showed him a hard copy of the unibomber and the size of his fat leg- i'll never forget the face he made. i let him see that picture that day to help him understand it was better he didn't put his penis online. but he wouldn't listen. poor thing. some just wont. it's all right to be little bitty- as long as others don't know. damn. SHOUT OUT CUNFACE. we ALL know now.
honestly, i don't get what the big deal is. people send pictures of their dick over the internet every day. if i was the wife or whore of someone who sent a picture of their penis to another party it wouldn't piss me off unless his penis was embarrassingly small and reflected on me in some way. in my opinion, you ought to have something worth taking a picture of if you're gunna send out or even capture electronic images of it. for instance, more panoramic views will be taken of a rich landscape than a gravel path. i've been through this, believe it or not, this whole electronic imagery penis ordeal thing. it was pretty fun. see, the hero doodled his little member on the kitchen counter like a mini smoked sausage and snapped a shot of it and sent it all over town and when i showed him a hard copy of the unibomber and the size of his fat leg- i'll never forget the face he made. i let him see that picture that day to help him understand it was better he didn't put his penis online. but he wouldn't listen. poor thing. some just wont. it's all right to be little bitty- as long as others don't know. damn. SHOUT OUT CUNFACE. we ALL know now.
is there a better time?
dear because i said so diary,
people ask questions all the time. but good ole roger was the first to notice this out loud- or was he? i really like roger. he got off my grill i found along side the road i found and even offered to buy it. now, his comment this day reads, "Good Morning! riddle me this...why are ALL your post's posted at 41 minutes past the hour?" well roger, let me explain my thinking. my life revolves around numbers. being raised by an accountant, i learned from an early age, numbers are a constant and never fucking change. numbers became my friend and you can tell stories in them. like you prolly already know how the four perfect numbers mesh together and tell their own story, 23, 32, 46 & 64. can you see what they say? it makes my mouth water. but the 41 story is much different. it correlates with time and once upon it. but really, is it 41 after or 19 till?
people ask questions all the time. but good ole roger was the first to notice this out loud- or was he? i really like roger. he got off my grill i found along side the road i found and even offered to buy it. now, his comment this day reads, "Good Morning! riddle me this...why are ALL your post's posted at 41 minutes past the hour?" well roger, let me explain my thinking. my life revolves around numbers. being raised by an accountant, i learned from an early age, numbers are a constant and never fucking change. numbers became my friend and you can tell stories in them. like you prolly already know how the four perfect numbers mesh together and tell their own story, 23, 32, 46 & 64. can you see what they say? it makes my mouth water. but the 41 story is much different. it correlates with time and once upon it. but really, is it 41 after or 19 till?
psychoANALyst
dear once again diary,
this is where it all starts, the end. if you're ready to take control of change, take control of the reigns. don't let the shit slop over to the goodness, always bring a bucket and be prepared in the meantime. nominate your heroes and fuck them in the ass, and beat the mother fuckers over the head with something made of brass. the longer you stick with the plan, the more it will pay off. a long term investment is always better than the short. trying to stay organized can leave you feeling stressed, but you can clear up your mind full of clutter just by changing into an outdoor vest. another way to look at this- just fluff yourself up. the risk is real and the eye itch is awful. if you had only a few months to live, how would you live? happy? sad? mad? glad? would you do the same thing you did today? i prolly would.
this is where it all starts, the end. if you're ready to take control of change, take control of the reigns. don't let the shit slop over to the goodness, always bring a bucket and be prepared in the meantime. nominate your heroes and fuck them in the ass, and beat the mother fuckers over the head with something made of brass. the longer you stick with the plan, the more it will pay off. a long term investment is always better than the short. trying to stay organized can leave you feeling stressed, but you can clear up your mind full of clutter just by changing into an outdoor vest. another way to look at this- just fluff yourself up. the risk is real and the eye itch is awful. if you had only a few months to live, how would you live? happy? sad? mad? glad? would you do the same thing you did today? i prolly would.
passing home plate
dear ten little piggy nails diary,
now that i have ten little perfect piggy nails, i will prolly wake up in the morning and freak out cuz they are so pretty. it was such a good day yesterday. i love thursdays. my bath water was so strong and fierce last night, my toes curled up and one got a massive cramp. then the tub over flowed. then the grump started howling. then i started laughing. then i gave up. what happened between then and then was enough anyway- enough for ten bitches- trust me. sometimes i don't need to be finished to be done- that's how good it is. and that's how it was. now next time around ima explode and prolly just bust. i got that shit figured out to a science, especially after waiting so long to take care of the business. now if i can only get the unibomber to leave again for another ten minutes. damnit.
now that i have ten little perfect piggy nails, i will prolly wake up in the morning and freak out cuz they are so pretty. it was such a good day yesterday. i love thursdays. my bath water was so strong and fierce last night, my toes curled up and one got a massive cramp. then the tub over flowed. then the grump started howling. then i started laughing. then i gave up. what happened between then and then was enough anyway- enough for ten bitches- trust me. sometimes i don't need to be finished to be done- that's how good it is. and that's how it was. now next time around ima explode and prolly just bust. i got that shit figured out to a science, especially after waiting so long to take care of the business. now if i can only get the unibomber to leave again for another ten minutes. damnit.
dildos and warm cream pie
dear jizz sock in the road diary,
whenever i see clothing in the road it makes me hungry for some reason. i am starved to death about now. someone threw their sock in the street and i started crackin my ass up when i saw it. then i broke a nail. i took good care of it though. it wasn't a major deal. now four nails are perfect and the other six wait. i'm playing a game on the atari360 right now. i could eat a giant pizza, or a cake, or a pizza cake. i saw a fruit pie in my dream- but i dunno what kind of fruit because i never got to eat it. i'd sure rip into that bitch now. i love pies. cream or fruit, but prolly fruit is my favorite. fresh fruit too, fuck a can. and has to be warm- love it warm. i would make a pie right now, but here's what would happen. i'd get all the shit and eat all the fruit peelin it. i'm an ass. oh that reminds me. i need to go get my pickles. shit. i'll save one for an afternoon of fun.
whenever i see clothing in the road it makes me hungry for some reason. i am starved to death about now. someone threw their sock in the street and i started crackin my ass up when i saw it. then i broke a nail. i took good care of it though. it wasn't a major deal. now four nails are perfect and the other six wait. i'm playing a game on the atari360 right now. i could eat a giant pizza, or a cake, or a pizza cake. i saw a fruit pie in my dream- but i dunno what kind of fruit because i never got to eat it. i'd sure rip into that bitch now. i love pies. cream or fruit, but prolly fruit is my favorite. fresh fruit too, fuck a can. and has to be warm- love it warm. i would make a pie right now, but here's what would happen. i'd get all the shit and eat all the fruit peelin it. i'm an ass. oh that reminds me. i need to go get my pickles. shit. i'll save one for an afternoon of fun.
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| when you wish upon a dildo.... |
June 16, 2011
mouth raped
dear clean nails diary,
i bent over to give becky a kiss and the grump came flying up behind me, he wasn't having it. in a general effort to be fair, i tried to kiss the grump and he took over. at least i have a set of clean nostrils. simply stated. i have clean nails now, ready for some paint. i don't know where i am going with the color yet, but i sure know where i've been. always red. ima try really hard for a new color and go outside and dry them under the clean moon.
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| i see two moons. |
the candle that burned for a month
dear wax diary,
you may look real, but are you? sometimes the gifts come early and sometimes the gifts come late, but at least the gifts arrive. if you happen to dump that box out and find that there is nothing there, it is because you already gave it to me last time you were here. i don't keep it there anymore, since i found out i'm a whore, nothing goes in that box that i keep anymore. when the weeping willow tree grows and takes over the whole back yard, there ain't nothing you can do but send out pretty christmas cards. i like to pick mine out early so i get the very best ones, but i don't start fillin them out til later on and it'll be winter before i am done. it is true my birthday was a month ago but i sure got a nice present tonight- i sure wasn't about to argue or fuss, especially with a moon that bright. good fuck did you see how big that moon fucker is? i shit all over myself as i watched it earlier whila go. if you're one of these people who doesn't give two shits- then oh well- that's on you.
you may look real, but are you? sometimes the gifts come early and sometimes the gifts come late, but at least the gifts arrive. if you happen to dump that box out and find that there is nothing there, it is because you already gave it to me last time you were here. i don't keep it there anymore, since i found out i'm a whore, nothing goes in that box that i keep anymore. when the weeping willow tree grows and takes over the whole back yard, there ain't nothing you can do but send out pretty christmas cards. i like to pick mine out early so i get the very best ones, but i don't start fillin them out til later on and it'll be winter before i am done. it is true my birthday was a month ago but i sure got a nice present tonight- i sure wasn't about to argue or fuss, especially with a moon that bright. good fuck did you see how big that moon fucker is? i shit all over myself as i watched it earlier whila go. if you're one of these people who doesn't give two shits- then oh well- that's on you.
not a brain surgeon
dear hey you diary,
i am not sure where this leaves me, but i will look. yep, i am still here. i should take a bath i suppose before i generate wind. i think now would be a great time for that. joy on earth and peace in my house- i now have time to myself- at least two hours. what should i do. if it happens to be that i should in fact leave, well it'll be like i was here. wont it? so i should stay and enjoy my day. yes, why travel. i have made up my mind. i will still take a bath though- of the very private kind.
i am not sure where this leaves me, but i will look. yep, i am still here. i should take a bath i suppose before i generate wind. i think now would be a great time for that. joy on earth and peace in my house- i now have time to myself- at least two hours. what should i do. if it happens to be that i should in fact leave, well it'll be like i was here. wont it? so i should stay and enjoy my day. yes, why travel. i have made up my mind. i will still take a bath though- of the very private kind.
tail wagging
dear hair in my pants diary,
i keep pulling hairs out from the back of my pants. big long stupid hairs that have been making my ass itch all night prolly and that's why i was restless and didn't sleep worth a damn shit. i betcha i've pulled fifteen hairs out since i sat down here. it's like there is a pony tail poking out of the waistband of my pajama pants. but these are the kind of pants that grab up hairs in the dryer. they are soft on the outside and softer on the inside. i love these kind of jammie pants. i hate being dressed on my favorite day. but it's ok. i'll do it. i can handle the responsibility of preparing myself to meet and greet the world in a respectable fashion.
i keep pulling hairs out from the back of my pants. big long stupid hairs that have been making my ass itch all night prolly and that's why i was restless and didn't sleep worth a damn shit. i betcha i've pulled fifteen hairs out since i sat down here. it's like there is a pony tail poking out of the waistband of my pajama pants. but these are the kind of pants that grab up hairs in the dryer. they are soft on the outside and softer on the inside. i love these kind of jammie pants. i hate being dressed on my favorite day. but it's ok. i'll do it. i can handle the responsibility of preparing myself to meet and greet the world in a respectable fashion.
layin on my studs
dear do you know where we are at right now diary,
i brought you guys to bed with me. yeah, business is that slow. i figure this ought to drum up some new customers. shit if this doesn't do it- i dunno what will. i usually don't hang out in my bed during the day, but today is my favorite day of the week and i feel like being in my favorite places. i have a pearl necklace but i don't wear it often because it is real and as a general rule, i prefer wearing fake jewelry. when i was a small whore, my mother gave me a whole drawer full of her costume jewelry i was allowed to wear at any and all times because i was never allowed to have my ears pierced. the clip-on ear rings i got to wear, i still have, were so retarded and hurt my ears to wear more than 5 seconds. i wore my mother's pearl necklace when the unibomber and i got married and she wore it when she married my dad. i did end up getting my ears pierced after my mom died though, but prince william was the only male in his senior class who did not have either ear pierced- and he's sworn off skin art til i die as well. i haven't lost any of jewelry of value because i only wear shit that is fake, and when i do wear my good shit i just hurry up and take it off cuz i wanna keep it.
i brought you guys to bed with me. yeah, business is that slow. i figure this ought to drum up some new customers. shit if this doesn't do it- i dunno what will. i usually don't hang out in my bed during the day, but today is my favorite day of the week and i feel like being in my favorite places. i have a pearl necklace but i don't wear it often because it is real and as a general rule, i prefer wearing fake jewelry. when i was a small whore, my mother gave me a whole drawer full of her costume jewelry i was allowed to wear at any and all times because i was never allowed to have my ears pierced. the clip-on ear rings i got to wear, i still have, were so retarded and hurt my ears to wear more than 5 seconds. i wore my mother's pearl necklace when the unibomber and i got married and she wore it when she married my dad. i did end up getting my ears pierced after my mom died though, but prince william was the only male in his senior class who did not have either ear pierced- and he's sworn off skin art til i die as well. i haven't lost any of jewelry of value because i only wear shit that is fake, and when i do wear my good shit i just hurry up and take it off cuz i wanna keep it.
planning to save my changes
dear whatever diary,
my people wanted to go to nordstorms today. well, here i sit. like a fuck. you see who is up. you see who ain't. knowing i cant go tomorrow and i wont go tomorrow, or this weekend, so i dunno. here i sit. i could go back to bed, but then i'd just get pissed off prolly, so why bother. i am getting tired of waiting. i've done everything i can think of and the tv ain't got shit on it til this afternoon. you know, me and that tv are really at odds. i cant figure out how in the world i let it cost me that much money a month. how did this happen? i am outraged at the cost of my cable bill. i pay almost two hundred and fifty fucking dollars a month and my tv is hardly ever on. i need slapped. hard. in the head. people are starving and i am paying for cable. i need to re-evaluate this situation next month. i need to wait and see how trueblood is gunna be before i shut hbo off. i cant shut showtime off cuz of weeds and the big c, but maybe one dvr box could go- but i dunno which one. fuckit then. i'll do something different- make changes other ways. like... we wont go to nordstroms today.
my people wanted to go to nordstorms today. well, here i sit. like a fuck. you see who is up. you see who ain't. knowing i cant go tomorrow and i wont go tomorrow, or this weekend, so i dunno. here i sit. i could go back to bed, but then i'd just get pissed off prolly, so why bother. i am getting tired of waiting. i've done everything i can think of and the tv ain't got shit on it til this afternoon. you know, me and that tv are really at odds. i cant figure out how in the world i let it cost me that much money a month. how did this happen? i am outraged at the cost of my cable bill. i pay almost two hundred and fifty fucking dollars a month and my tv is hardly ever on. i need slapped. hard. in the head. people are starving and i am paying for cable. i need to re-evaluate this situation next month. i need to wait and see how trueblood is gunna be before i shut hbo off. i cant shut showtime off cuz of weeds and the big c, but maybe one dvr box could go- but i dunno which one. fuckit then. i'll do something different- make changes other ways. like... we wont go to nordstroms today.
a biting belt
dear happy little reptile diary,
i am glad to only have one of the little fuckers, but i admit it would be cool to see how two would interact, but i couldn't afford to feed two, so forget that i even said that. but last night i stood at the top of the tank and yelled and the snake came out and let me take her picture. i think she is even smiling for you guys. i sent it down to walgreens and i'm having hard copies made because i think it is that good of a picture- she never looks into the camera like this.
she was in a really good mood last night, she didn't strike or hiss. she was a big flirt. when she finally got in her cave under her rock, it came up off the ground about four inches (like a big clam shell) and then lowered back down slowly. we all laughed. it was funny watching her get settled in her new bedding. her belly is full, she has new skin, new water, new bedding, a clean cave rock, and she got her tree back, her heater is plugged in, and her tank scrubbed out with a brush and hose. she is ready for the long haul. if she bites me again, she is now officially long enough and wide enough to make a nice sized belt- once you get past that little skinny neck, i'll have the buckle put there prolly.
i am glad to only have one of the little fuckers, but i admit it would be cool to see how two would interact, but i couldn't afford to feed two, so forget that i even said that. but last night i stood at the top of the tank and yelled and the snake came out and let me take her picture. i think she is even smiling for you guys. i sent it down to walgreens and i'm having hard copies made because i think it is that good of a picture- she never looks into the camera like this.
return to slender
dear see what did i tell you diary,
i know my dogs. i didn't sleep worth a shit last night either. i dunno what that was about, but ima need some new fingernail polish today i think to make up for it. i have a certain subject on my mind i would like to address, but knowing the right way to address it is critical. dumping it on the page is really the only way to relieve myself, yet if i do this i could spoil what could be the most breathtaking experience to date. what do i do here? it has to do with cuntface and some things she has been up to. my lawyer and the police were amused, that is how i know you guys will shit twinkies when i tell you. i cant walk around with my ass cheeks squeezed together for the rest of my life, but i can for a couple more days. relax though, it has nothing to do with me really, except the part about my butt cheeks being squished together and the consultation with my lawyer. omg it's gunna be a fun summer.
i know my dogs. i didn't sleep worth a shit last night either. i dunno what that was about, but ima need some new fingernail polish today i think to make up for it. i have a certain subject on my mind i would like to address, but knowing the right way to address it is critical. dumping it on the page is really the only way to relieve myself, yet if i do this i could spoil what could be the most breathtaking experience to date. what do i do here? it has to do with cuntface and some things she has been up to. my lawyer and the police were amused, that is how i know you guys will shit twinkies when i tell you. i cant walk around with my ass cheeks squeezed together for the rest of my life, but i can for a couple more days. relax though, it has nothing to do with me really, except the part about my butt cheeks being squished together and the consultation with my lawyer. omg it's gunna be a fun summer.
mindset
dear letting the dogs out diary,
i laid there awake for a minute, a few minutes actually, before i got up. nobody even asked to go out, but everyone always wants to around this time anyway so i got up and stirred until the grump approached and then becky came right behind him and off they went to shit together or whatever. thank goodness i don't need a shitting buddy. it is almost time to think about starting to get things ready for my little trip with my dad. i take that back, it is still a little early yet, because all i am really taking is you guys and a couple of pairs of pajamas. i suppose that wont take very long to get you in a bag now will it? well, if i stay up any longer, i'll feel the need to write something else and then i'll want to write something else and then hard telling where we will end up so, it's prolly best i just go for now. but i'll be up again in another 6 to 8 hours prolly- it just depends on the dogs.
i laid there awake for a minute, a few minutes actually, before i got up. nobody even asked to go out, but everyone always wants to around this time anyway so i got up and stirred until the grump approached and then becky came right behind him and off they went to shit together or whatever. thank goodness i don't need a shitting buddy. it is almost time to think about starting to get things ready for my little trip with my dad. i take that back, it is still a little early yet, because all i am really taking is you guys and a couple of pairs of pajamas. i suppose that wont take very long to get you in a bag now will it? well, if i stay up any longer, i'll feel the need to write something else and then i'll want to write something else and then hard telling where we will end up so, it's prolly best i just go for now. but i'll be up again in another 6 to 8 hours prolly- it just depends on the dogs.
June 15, 2011
i like sammy hagar too
dear this is such a trip diary,
this could be our last normal solar axis cycle number 24- i'm talking in sun spots and polar reversal. these fuck with our weather and severe storms and help with all sorts of tele-communications and shit. geo-magnetic forces can gargle all our modern gadgets and just mess everything up. yip, a bunch of nerds know about this and the martians (or aliens) and i am one of the other whores who know. if these cycles slow down or change or STOP, we are in a world of hurt. ima whore, not a scientific person who has studied this, i haven't been on tv, but i have talked on the cb radio. just sitting in my bed talking on my cb radio is how i figured all this out. plugged only into the wall and into the antenna out the window, i could speak to virginia beach, virginia and my family without a telephone. if the cycle is broken then shit will start changing, and even though i ain't on the radio anymore, i'm still a whore and i would talk to another martian.
this could be our last normal solar axis cycle number 24- i'm talking in sun spots and polar reversal. these fuck with our weather and severe storms and help with all sorts of tele-communications and shit. geo-magnetic forces can gargle all our modern gadgets and just mess everything up. yip, a bunch of nerds know about this and the martians (or aliens) and i am one of the other whores who know. if these cycles slow down or change or STOP, we are in a world of hurt. ima whore, not a scientific person who has studied this, i haven't been on tv, but i have talked on the cb radio. just sitting in my bed talking on my cb radio is how i figured all this out. plugged only into the wall and into the antenna out the window, i could speak to virginia beach, virginia and my family without a telephone. if the cycle is broken then shit will start changing, and even though i ain't on the radio anymore, i'm still a whore and i would talk to another martian.
pay the fine
dear prideful but not attached diary,
you can be proud of something without really being attached to it. that's when it becomes dangerous. just think about actually being proud of something that technically isn't yours. oops. what a terrible predicament. man i had library books i liked so much (as a child) that i simply refused to return them. i told my mom i lost them. "musta got throwed away," i told her. she made me stay in my room until they 'suddenly turned up,' which, by the way was fine because i had MY books stashed in between my queen sized mattresses, but it was hard letting those books go back. it's all too easy to keep something that isn't yours, but sometimes it is hard hanging on to what you got. this week i learned that human beings lose- on an average- of 100 hairs per day. ima start paying more attention to who checks out my hair.
you can be proud of something without really being attached to it. that's when it becomes dangerous. just think about actually being proud of something that technically isn't yours. oops. what a terrible predicament. man i had library books i liked so much (as a child) that i simply refused to return them. i told my mom i lost them. "musta got throwed away," i told her. she made me stay in my room until they 'suddenly turned up,' which, by the way was fine because i had MY books stashed in between my queen sized mattresses, but it was hard letting those books go back. it's all too easy to keep something that isn't yours, but sometimes it is hard hanging on to what you got. this week i learned that human beings lose- on an average- of 100 hairs per day. ima start paying more attention to who checks out my hair.
intentional sexual acts in a swivel chair october 1st when i was there
dear tired of cable diary,
we are in another boring month again. shit ends, shit starts, i swear- i pay more for cable than my house payment. something is wrong with that picture- and quite literally. i figure i don't even watch but about ten shows religiously. but i suppose when you include the internet and home phone that takes a bite out of my total every month. it boils down to how much time you spend at home and what you do when you're there i suppose. since i spend forty eight hours at home and a few hours out on my safe day- i get all the channels you can get. fuck it. plus the dvr thing in every room fuck it. i figure i need something to do for the next 470 days or whatever it is now. october the first of next year. i cant help but laugh. i wonder if cuntface will be out of town again.
we are in another boring month again. shit ends, shit starts, i swear- i pay more for cable than my house payment. something is wrong with that picture- and quite literally. i figure i don't even watch but about ten shows religiously. but i suppose when you include the internet and home phone that takes a bite out of my total every month. it boils down to how much time you spend at home and what you do when you're there i suppose. since i spend forty eight hours at home and a few hours out on my safe day- i get all the channels you can get. fuck it. plus the dvr thing in every room fuck it. i figure i need something to do for the next 470 days or whatever it is now. october the first of next year. i cant help but laugh. i wonder if cuntface will be out of town again.
stop, drop, and roll up a fajita
dear i believe i must give in diary,
usually i am a strong whore. i cant lift much of anything heavier than an ounce of weed over my head, but i am strong. i used to pick up the fat ass hero on my back ALL the time and carry him around. i dunno why. it made me feel fucking sexy to pretend to rescue him. isn't that stupid. omfg where in the fuck did that shit come from i wonder. he used to love it when i would do that to him too. but anyway i swear to gawd- that ain't what i was gunna post about. i was gunna tell you how i AM going to give in to the desires of mexican food. yes. ima have to be a nasty whore and get down and dirty tonight with some fajitas and beans and rice and sour cream and salsa. i may even get kinky with some cheese. i feel the need. rescue me mother fucker because i will be loving every minute of that shit.
usually i am a strong whore. i cant lift much of anything heavier than an ounce of weed over my head, but i am strong. i used to pick up the fat ass hero on my back ALL the time and carry him around. i dunno why. it made me feel fucking sexy to pretend to rescue him. isn't that stupid. omfg where in the fuck did that shit come from i wonder. he used to love it when i would do that to him too. but anyway i swear to gawd- that ain't what i was gunna post about. i was gunna tell you how i AM going to give in to the desires of mexican food. yes. ima have to be a nasty whore and get down and dirty tonight with some fajitas and beans and rice and sour cream and salsa. i may even get kinky with some cheese. i feel the need. rescue me mother fucker because i will be loving every minute of that shit.
in through the foreskin
dear tunneling for food diary,
through the foreskin or would it be afterskin- to get to the food is how the snake is eating in the shower right now. her skin is coming off and her dinner is stuck so she has to get out of her old skin to eat her dinner- and i have never seen this situation before, i may have to surgically remove her dinner from her sausage skinned rat now so she can finish eating it. how did she do that i wonder? who knew you could teach an old snake new tricks. do i have a circus snake? i would dare say i would pay to see this trick. a snake skinned rat. i am worried she may suffocate herself- i don't see any venting for air, but she seems perfectly fine thus far, ima leave her. i got her whole giant tank scrubbed out with a brush. the whole time i was thinking it was ready for fish again. i miss my fish. i do. they were a whole lot less expensive and never drew that much blood from me, but never started any conversations like this bitch does either.
through the foreskin or would it be afterskin- to get to the food is how the snake is eating in the shower right now. her skin is coming off and her dinner is stuck so she has to get out of her old skin to eat her dinner- and i have never seen this situation before, i may have to surgically remove her dinner from her sausage skinned rat now so she can finish eating it. how did she do that i wonder? who knew you could teach an old snake new tricks. do i have a circus snake? i would dare say i would pay to see this trick. a snake skinned rat. i am worried she may suffocate herself- i don't see any venting for air, but she seems perfectly fine thus far, ima leave her. i got her whole giant tank scrubbed out with a brush. the whole time i was thinking it was ready for fish again. i miss my fish. i do. they were a whole lot less expensive and never drew that much blood from me, but never started any conversations like this bitch does either.
the waiter married the waitress and keeps hungry fat whores
dear say it isn't so diary,
i know she saw you put your hands around my ass that day, the scene replayed in my mind a hundred times. i was so stupid to let it get that far. but you're the one who couldn't tell it was over before it ended- not me. i knew it was over before it started, but i was so hungry, so hungry for the meal i had long been deprived. you knew i fell hard for the taste of that platter, but the lies it took to feed me- hell that didn't matter. you continued to pile it on, singing the same old song, but it went on way to long, and i demanded a new menu. well, the new menu came as an order of the court, because i refused to eat your platter anymore. i don't regret telling your waitress wife anything, i regret not telling her more. i regret that you married a psycho cuntface who can see me as nothing but a whore. a reasonable person, i believe, would have wanted to know what her husband fucking did, what he is capable of doing again- especially if she intends to pick up and forgive. i have the proof to back what i say, all in black and white. cuntface wants to follow me around and scream "whore" at me, but wont sit down with me? is that even right? you two BELONG together- you CUNTFACE CHICKEN SHIT BITCH and you LITTLE DICK HERO CITY WORKER BLOOD SUCKER.
i know she saw you put your hands around my ass that day, the scene replayed in my mind a hundred times. i was so stupid to let it get that far. but you're the one who couldn't tell it was over before it ended- not me. i knew it was over before it started, but i was so hungry, so hungry for the meal i had long been deprived. you knew i fell hard for the taste of that platter, but the lies it took to feed me- hell that didn't matter. you continued to pile it on, singing the same old song, but it went on way to long, and i demanded a new menu. well, the new menu came as an order of the court, because i refused to eat your platter anymore. i don't regret telling your waitress wife anything, i regret not telling her more. i regret that you married a psycho cuntface who can see me as nothing but a whore. a reasonable person, i believe, would have wanted to know what her husband fucking did, what he is capable of doing again- especially if she intends to pick up and forgive. i have the proof to back what i say, all in black and white. cuntface wants to follow me around and scream "whore" at me, but wont sit down with me? is that even right? you two BELONG together- you CUNTFACE CHICKEN SHIT BITCH and you LITTLE DICK HERO CITY WORKER BLOOD SUCKER.
superlow clearance
dear i am up and that is how it is diary,
figuring i could save the world, i got up to find the unibomber had left the premises in a quiet and sneaky manner. feeling his toothbrush, i noticed he didn't even brush his teeth before the escape. then i looked outside and realized he took his own vehicle, big sigh of relief there. he can just stay gone forever- i know he keeps a spare toothbrush in the glove compartment. the last few days have not been pleasant around here, they match the past ten years, i think, but whatever. i need a vacation and wouldn't have to go anywhere if someone else would. i would happily let the grump sleep in any direction he wishes- every night of the week- snoring at any volume level he pleases- as long as i could talk scream or sing in my sleep. if i go back to bed now and lay claim to it as my area for the rest of the day, then i ought to be able to have a no trespassing law take effect immediately for any other humans.
figuring i could save the world, i got up to find the unibomber had left the premises in a quiet and sneaky manner. feeling his toothbrush, i noticed he didn't even brush his teeth before the escape. then i looked outside and realized he took his own vehicle, big sigh of relief there. he can just stay gone forever- i know he keeps a spare toothbrush in the glove compartment. the last few days have not been pleasant around here, they match the past ten years, i think, but whatever. i need a vacation and wouldn't have to go anywhere if someone else would. i would happily let the grump sleep in any direction he wishes- every night of the week- snoring at any volume level he pleases- as long as i could talk scream or sing in my sleep. if i go back to bed now and lay claim to it as my area for the rest of the day, then i ought to be able to have a no trespassing law take effect immediately for any other humans.
the whore's new industry
dear i am not a singer diary,
even when i dream, it turns out, i can not sing. i sound so good though, it is hard to understand where it all goes wrong. something happens that is terrible wrong between my mouth and the air and other people's ears, because when i hear my singing- it is just beautiful. the unibomber tells me the sounds i make are all gargled up and muffled and are in no way anywhere close to being a song- or any type of music. but when i am dreaming and singing- man i can wail. i was singing private eyes- by hall and oates- last night and my crowd just loved it. i'll admit, that wouldn't be my song of choice, but maybe it was an audience request. don't look for my album in stores anytime soon, i don't even like to sing in real time. but i could prolly write a song or two for lil wayne if he needs help.
even when i dream, it turns out, i can not sing. i sound so good though, it is hard to understand where it all goes wrong. something happens that is terrible wrong between my mouth and the air and other people's ears, because when i hear my singing- it is just beautiful. the unibomber tells me the sounds i make are all gargled up and muffled and are in no way anywhere close to being a song- or any type of music. but when i am dreaming and singing- man i can wail. i was singing private eyes- by hall and oates- last night and my crowd just loved it. i'll admit, that wouldn't be my song of choice, but maybe it was an audience request. don't look for my album in stores anytime soon, i don't even like to sing in real time. but i could prolly write a song or two for lil wayne if he needs help.
leg up (in the bed)
dear today ain't like yesterday diary,
you guys. i kicked the unibomber last night. i thought he was the grump. the grump isn't allowed on the bed at night on the count of his snoring and the position of which he insists on placing his big lard ass body when he sleeps and some nights he forgets and gets really fucking insanely stubborn and will try over and over and over to get in bed until we physically have to kick him out like nine (or more) times and then he will go get in his crib and pout. well, i was half asleep and thought last night he was doing this shit, but he wasn't- it was the unibomber sitting up on the side of the bed and i fucking kicked him and i meant business. oh shit. i apologized, and if that would have been the end of it- it would have been cool. but when i realized what i had done- when i woke up enough- i fucking laughed- and that made the unibomber mock me. then he goes, "real fucking funny bitch," and that made me laugh more. now how was i to try and sleep after doing all that shit? i dunno- but i did- like a baby. i may try that again someday.
you guys. i kicked the unibomber last night. i thought he was the grump. the grump isn't allowed on the bed at night on the count of his snoring and the position of which he insists on placing his big lard ass body when he sleeps and some nights he forgets and gets really fucking insanely stubborn and will try over and over and over to get in bed until we physically have to kick him out like nine (or more) times and then he will go get in his crib and pout. well, i was half asleep and thought last night he was doing this shit, but he wasn't- it was the unibomber sitting up on the side of the bed and i fucking kicked him and i meant business. oh shit. i apologized, and if that would have been the end of it- it would have been cool. but when i realized what i had done- when i woke up enough- i fucking laughed- and that made the unibomber mock me. then he goes, "real fucking funny bitch," and that made me laugh more. now how was i to try and sleep after doing all that shit? i dunno- but i did- like a baby. i may try that again someday.
June 14, 2011
road rage makes me smile
dear stellar accomplishment diary,
suck my flat ass if i didn't get pushed to the center again. they always do that to me. he worms his way on this side, she snuggles her way in deep on the other side and before i know it- i am locked in. kinda like traffic on the way home earlier tonight. this stupid fucking bitch was going slow in the hammer lane and clogging up traffic, so i waited patiently for my slow lane to flow fast enough to get around her to cut over and pass, oh but, just as soon as i do, the bitch wants to UP AND DECIDE to speed up so she can honk at me. well honk bitch that don't bother me a bit- but it slowed down traffic- and she gets over in the slow lane and manages to road rage her way past me somehow a few miles up the road- flipping me off and shaking her head and acting really stupid. i hadn't done anything to deserve all of that extra attention. i continued on my route- unaffected. then approaching my destination, looking ahead i could see a car weaving in the lanes and brake lights and then a car skidding. i then saw a line of traffic backing up and figured i'd be there forever, but it really wasn't that long before i found myself right next to that bitch ass lady that had shown me all that attention a few minutes earlier. i rolled down my passenger window and gave my horn the first toot of the day as i drove by and her fat dumbass was standing out in front of her car where she had rearended a semi. she flipped me off again as i rolled by. what do you bet she and cuntface know each other. SHOUT OUT CUNTFACE!
suck my flat ass if i didn't get pushed to the center again. they always do that to me. he worms his way on this side, she snuggles her way in deep on the other side and before i know it- i am locked in. kinda like traffic on the way home earlier tonight. this stupid fucking bitch was going slow in the hammer lane and clogging up traffic, so i waited patiently for my slow lane to flow fast enough to get around her to cut over and pass, oh but, just as soon as i do, the bitch wants to UP AND DECIDE to speed up so she can honk at me. well honk bitch that don't bother me a bit- but it slowed down traffic- and she gets over in the slow lane and manages to road rage her way past me somehow a few miles up the road- flipping me off and shaking her head and acting really stupid. i hadn't done anything to deserve all of that extra attention. i continued on my route- unaffected. then approaching my destination, looking ahead i could see a car weaving in the lanes and brake lights and then a car skidding. i then saw a line of traffic backing up and figured i'd be there forever, but it really wasn't that long before i found myself right next to that bitch ass lady that had shown me all that attention a few minutes earlier. i rolled down my passenger window and gave my horn the first toot of the day as i drove by and her fat dumbass was standing out in front of her car where she had rearended a semi. she flipped me off again as i rolled by. what do you bet she and cuntface know each other. SHOUT OUT CUNTFACE!
checking out
dear packing the bag diary,
when you take it out of context, it is obvious how incredibly stupid it is, but when you hear stuff like that within the system of things it is easy to see how it runs smoothly from start to finish. railroading someone is not hard. it is all about stacking shit up. the dumber the person is and nicer the shit stacks- those are components that only add to the fun. sometimes people even invent things to fuck people with- new tools- new information- whole new persona if that is what it takes. what is reasonable? what is not? you tell me and maybe we can draw a line before we all watch the important customers check out and find a new place to take their money. hiding out in your own mind is a painful way to finish playing the game you started.
when you take it out of context, it is obvious how incredibly stupid it is, but when you hear stuff like that within the system of things it is easy to see how it runs smoothly from start to finish. railroading someone is not hard. it is all about stacking shit up. the dumber the person is and nicer the shit stacks- those are components that only add to the fun. sometimes people even invent things to fuck people with- new tools- new information- whole new persona if that is what it takes. what is reasonable? what is not? you tell me and maybe we can draw a line before we all watch the important customers check out and find a new place to take their money. hiding out in your own mind is a painful way to finish playing the game you started.
flip over the whore
dear towards the light diary,
it seems like the one side of my elephant jade plant is doing so much better than the other side so i am playing a mean trick on it and hanging it with the bad side to the sun. it is kinda popping out of it, but now there are sharp turns in a couple of the branches, but i figure a small price to pay for some new growth on the bald side of the bush. wouldn't it be nice if balding heads could simply tilt their heads to the sun and induce new growth of hair? that would sure be cool. but if you like the taste and smell of skin like i do- the bald head can be so sexy. just another place to let the tongue roam. maybe there really is a dark side of life and we should all turn ourselves around every now and then. that way we don't get sharp turns in our branches or funny tan marks on our hands.
it seems like the one side of my elephant jade plant is doing so much better than the other side so i am playing a mean trick on it and hanging it with the bad side to the sun. it is kinda popping out of it, but now there are sharp turns in a couple of the branches, but i figure a small price to pay for some new growth on the bald side of the bush. wouldn't it be nice if balding heads could simply tilt their heads to the sun and induce new growth of hair? that would sure be cool. but if you like the taste and smell of skin like i do- the bald head can be so sexy. just another place to let the tongue roam. maybe there really is a dark side of life and we should all turn ourselves around every now and then. that way we don't get sharp turns in our branches or funny tan marks on our hands.
the smell factor
dear my house smells like a fucking barn diary,
when i got home today and walked in, i dunno what that smell was, but it wasn't good. i didn't like it. it smelled like burnt peanuts or baked corn shucks. it was a monumental moment for me because i didn't smell that when i left. it made me wonder what all went on while i was gone? what got cooked here? what died here? who came for a visit and took a shit? i dunno but something changed in my environment, for shore. i really planned for new carpet before now. i did. then i got the court papers- that was last year. then i went to court and got violated and it ended up costing me even more fucking money. it was worth every fucking penny, it was. i've almost made all my money back though- and maybe a little extra- more than i made before we went to court- for shore.
when i got home today and walked in, i dunno what that smell was, but it wasn't good. i didn't like it. it smelled like burnt peanuts or baked corn shucks. it was a monumental moment for me because i didn't smell that when i left. it made me wonder what all went on while i was gone? what got cooked here? what died here? who came for a visit and took a shit? i dunno but something changed in my environment, for shore. i really planned for new carpet before now. i did. then i got the court papers- that was last year. then i went to court and got violated and it ended up costing me even more fucking money. it was worth every fucking penny, it was. i've almost made all my money back though- and maybe a little extra- more than i made before we went to court- for shore.
hardcore
dear peepoles who mighty thoughts had me dead diary,
i survived.... i know. it surprises me too. i had a strange night to say the least. how do you describe being woken up over and over and over by the familiar screams of a voice that is so familiar- freaky familiar- and whose voice is it that keeps waking you? YOUR OWN. who do i bitch at? don't quiz me about my dream content and accuse me of lying. based on a systematical review of my own dreams, what i report to you is what i'm going to report. and for you to confront me and call me out on what i am saying is in fact NOT what i dreamed about is ridiculous in nature because we are talking about MY fucking dream for fucks sake- not a public scene. anyways. these young boys were deep in their own world thumpin and scratchin the whole time prince william and i got gas. their music was distorted, much like the brain of someone i know, but i was brave when i took this picture and stopped laughing long enough to steal it.
i survived.... i know. it surprises me too. i had a strange night to say the least. how do you describe being woken up over and over and over by the familiar screams of a voice that is so familiar- freaky familiar- and whose voice is it that keeps waking you? YOUR OWN. who do i bitch at? don't quiz me about my dream content and accuse me of lying. based on a systematical review of my own dreams, what i report to you is what i'm going to report. and for you to confront me and call me out on what i am saying is in fact NOT what i dreamed about is ridiculous in nature because we are talking about MY fucking dream for fucks sake- not a public scene. anyways. these young boys were deep in their own world thumpin and scratchin the whole time prince william and i got gas. their music was distorted, much like the brain of someone i know, but i was brave when i took this picture and stopped laughing long enough to steal it.
 |
| thumpin and scratchin hard |
mourning lover
dear thunder makes me remember things diary,
i have a memory. i don't like it, but it works when it wants. thunder triggers things to come back that are court ordered to be put away. funny how mother nature trumps the court. it was the rainy mornings he would troll around and catch me off guard. oh who am i trying to lie to, it was every morning this bitch trolled around, but the rainy mornings made it worse for me because that's when i'm ready for love. now it's raining again and i got that feeling, but not so much as for love in general and the sweetness of it. even though it turns sour, when it is good- it is good. i have my girl to hold on to, to touch and love, to squeeze, to cry on, to bleed out my heart to, and she gives it all back- thankfully- my becky. my beautiful becky. at least she is not afraid of me. goodnight sweet thunder. goodnight sweet thoughts of a morning love.
i have a memory. i don't like it, but it works when it wants. thunder triggers things to come back that are court ordered to be put away. funny how mother nature trumps the court. it was the rainy mornings he would troll around and catch me off guard. oh who am i trying to lie to, it was every morning this bitch trolled around, but the rainy mornings made it worse for me because that's when i'm ready for love. now it's raining again and i got that feeling, but not so much as for love in general and the sweetness of it. even though it turns sour, when it is good- it is good. i have my girl to hold on to, to touch and love, to squeeze, to cry on, to bleed out my heart to, and she gives it all back- thankfully- my becky. my beautiful becky. at least she is not afraid of me. goodnight sweet thunder. goodnight sweet thoughts of a morning love.
enchanted rants
dear all covered with cheese diary,
climbing to the top of old smokey must have been a more difficult task while covered with cheese. especially looking for your poor lost meatball after it rolled off the table during a sneezing episode. why wasn't there two meatballs that took a tumble and who was the proctor covered with layers of this oozing cheese? did we ever find out? and while we are at at- why was it even necessary to go and tell anyone that she will be coming around the mountain when she comes? seems to me that should be more of a private affair. and do i really need to have a song written to help me row my boat- do you think- or was that only for michael? and poor poor mary. let us not get started on her. thank goodness she didn't fall in love with a stud horse. ahh and yes, my favorite, twinkle twinkle little star- if you fall on me i will die. oh they didn't put that line in there did they. i wonder why. in closing, this little light of mine- ima let it shine- this little light of mine- ima let it shine- so i can roll up my dime- in my blunt- the very first time.
climbing to the top of old smokey must have been a more difficult task while covered with cheese. especially looking for your poor lost meatball after it rolled off the table during a sneezing episode. why wasn't there two meatballs that took a tumble and who was the proctor covered with layers of this oozing cheese? did we ever find out? and while we are at at- why was it even necessary to go and tell anyone that she will be coming around the mountain when she comes? seems to me that should be more of a private affair. and do i really need to have a song written to help me row my boat- do you think- or was that only for michael? and poor poor mary. let us not get started on her. thank goodness she didn't fall in love with a stud horse. ahh and yes, my favorite, twinkle twinkle little star- if you fall on me i will die. oh they didn't put that line in there did they. i wonder why. in closing, this little light of mine- ima let it shine- this little light of mine- ima let it shine- so i can roll up my dime- in my blunt- the very first time.
fifteen seconds to love
dear fifteen oh one diary,
oh wow. whooda thunk i could do fifteen hundred of anything- well besides that. this is my 1,501st post on this blog, but on my other blog- i have a few more. there were so many people seeking that bitch out that i had to shut the gate to it- i made it private- so if you found it before a couple of weeks ago and got in- man you were one of the select few hundred who did. i never added it to any listings or advertised it or told anyone about it- so i dunno how the traffic found its way there. it was weird how that all worked out man. it is a pretty stupid blog, not so unlike this one- but in a very primitive state. i never spent much time there and you can kinda tell. the posts are funny as fuck though, straight from a mind that hasn't changed one bit. when i read things i've written fifteen years ago, they sound just like i wrote them an hour ago. people that know me say i haven't changed a bit since i was a little girl. the world musta just got a whole bunch smaller then- cuz i seem to take up alot more space.
oh wow. whooda thunk i could do fifteen hundred of anything- well besides that. this is my 1,501st post on this blog, but on my other blog- i have a few more. there were so many people seeking that bitch out that i had to shut the gate to it- i made it private- so if you found it before a couple of weeks ago and got in- man you were one of the select few hundred who did. i never added it to any listings or advertised it or told anyone about it- so i dunno how the traffic found its way there. it was weird how that all worked out man. it is a pretty stupid blog, not so unlike this one- but in a very primitive state. i never spent much time there and you can kinda tell. the posts are funny as fuck though, straight from a mind that hasn't changed one bit. when i read things i've written fifteen years ago, they sound just like i wrote them an hour ago. people that know me say i haven't changed a bit since i was a little girl. the world musta just got a whole bunch smaller then- cuz i seem to take up alot more space.
all fried up (or fired)
dear imaginary friends diary,
the dead are very fired up in my house tonight. it must be the moon. i thought about going down to the 'hot block' and scoring some weed and rolling a blunt to burn to see if it would calm the spirits in my house. to fortify the air with the smell of cannabis must somehow relax the spirits and put them in a more joyful mood, either that or all my ghosts suffer from ailments such as glaucoma and cancer and respond well to the medicinal smells of the drug, because every time they smell it harmony is evident throughout for a long period of time- sometimes days. my spirits comfort me and tell me that it is only a matter of time in which i too may partake in such delicious activities and while i know this to be true, i do so much enjoy the smell and feeling the stickiness between my fingers. even chewing on the stems and feeling them split between my perfect teeth gives me a great satisfaction. my brand new vaporizer will be an excellent way to reunite with my lost love, in 473 days.
the dead are very fired up in my house tonight. it must be the moon. i thought about going down to the 'hot block' and scoring some weed and rolling a blunt to burn to see if it would calm the spirits in my house. to fortify the air with the smell of cannabis must somehow relax the spirits and put them in a more joyful mood, either that or all my ghosts suffer from ailments such as glaucoma and cancer and respond well to the medicinal smells of the drug, because every time they smell it harmony is evident throughout for a long period of time- sometimes days. my spirits comfort me and tell me that it is only a matter of time in which i too may partake in such delicious activities and while i know this to be true, i do so much enjoy the smell and feeling the stickiness between my fingers. even chewing on the stems and feeling them split between my perfect teeth gives me a great satisfaction. my brand new vaporizer will be an excellent way to reunite with my lost love, in 473 days.
June 13, 2011
hot and wet and so not ready
dear well now diary,
i just took my bath and now i am hot as hell. it doesn't seem very cool in here and i'm gunna find out and and be sure to tell soon cuz i don't like to sweat right from a bath- that does rightly piss me off- why even bother to wash up to sweat again in clean clothes that's just stupid. here is the truth, i can accept what has happened and it is time i do something about it. the thermostat we bought fried or some shit and the unibomber went after the new one. i haven't sat down and figured out how to work this one yet, it seems different than the one before- and this skinny bitch has it hotter than fuck- cuz me- i like it cold- ima whore. ima learn how to work that bitch as soon as i post this mother fucker right here. cuz i am hot and i cant take it no more and fucking he can wear a coat.
i just took my bath and now i am hot as hell. it doesn't seem very cool in here and i'm gunna find out and and be sure to tell soon cuz i don't like to sweat right from a bath- that does rightly piss me off- why even bother to wash up to sweat again in clean clothes that's just stupid. here is the truth, i can accept what has happened and it is time i do something about it. the thermostat we bought fried or some shit and the unibomber went after the new one. i haven't sat down and figured out how to work this one yet, it seems different than the one before- and this skinny bitch has it hotter than fuck- cuz me- i like it cold- ima whore. ima learn how to work that bitch as soon as i post this mother fucker right here. cuz i am hot and i cant take it no more and fucking he can wear a coat.
bloody sex tattoos
dear wrapped around your bird finger diary,
underneath it all, i am sure it will all make sense. on the surface however, nothing but the scrambling of images are the result of the projections of whatever the producer decides are appropriate for the audience, us, you and i, to ultimately see and visually process. not even the best producer will be able to determine what the the audience will see beyond the realm of what is on the screen and what you or i may take away from his project and apply in our own life at a later date, how could he? he has no way of being in the mind of every individual who could've viewed his work. so to judge, criticize, or even hold accountable in any way- the possibility of mr producer holding the blame for the blood in the name- just for the sake of pointing up that middle finger at someone and you looked.
underneath it all, i am sure it will all make sense. on the surface however, nothing but the scrambling of images are the result of the projections of whatever the producer decides are appropriate for the audience, us, you and i, to ultimately see and visually process. not even the best producer will be able to determine what the the audience will see beyond the realm of what is on the screen and what you or i may take away from his project and apply in our own life at a later date, how could he? he has no way of being in the mind of every individual who could've viewed his work. so to judge, criticize, or even hold accountable in any way- the possibility of mr producer holding the blame for the blood in the name- just for the sake of pointing up that middle finger at someone and you looked.
no slugs over here
dear playing with slugs diary,
salt is how i play with slugs and i never touch them. i watch them foam up into a pile of boiling ickness. it made me all proud as a child that i had the power to hurry up and do something like that to something else, and now- i worry about the mess it leaves behind or the vegetation the salt may kill underneath the dead thing. i try now to always flick them in the gravel with a stick before i pepper them with salt- now that i am a grown up and use my head before i kill things. i am a fully trained whore in the slug department. i'll fuck a slug up.
salt is how i play with slugs and i never touch them. i watch them foam up into a pile of boiling ickness. it made me all proud as a child that i had the power to hurry up and do something like that to something else, and now- i worry about the mess it leaves behind or the vegetation the salt may kill underneath the dead thing. i try now to always flick them in the gravel with a stick before i pepper them with salt- now that i am a grown up and use my head before i kill things. i am a fully trained whore in the slug department. i'll fuck a slug up.
he did it
dear the longest nap ever in my life for a long time diary,
now that was a nap. indeed. where it even came from- clueless. but it snuck up and took me over and fuck if i ain't been in heaven for the last four hours loving life. the house was all quiet and cool. the dogs on each side of me like lovers- holding me. i kept laughing last night as i went to sleep- thinking about my dad and his bowling trophies i mentioned in the earlier post- one in particular he is super proud of. it is a big fucker set in marble. the little dude at the top of the trophy is posed holding his bowling ball like he is just getting ready to let it go down the lane, with one leg kicked up behind him in the air. my mom always displayed these on top of the china cabinet and that big one was always dead center. my brother and i liked to put our softball and baseball trophies up there next to his, but when it came time to run around the house and play trophy time- it was dad's trophies my brother and i always fought over. one day the worst thing ever happened. the bowling ball broke off my dad's BEST trophy. it wasn't my fault. but as it sits today, the little dude now has his chopped off arm up in the air with his leg kicked back behind him set in marble and that's how it is displayed.
now that was a nap. indeed. where it even came from- clueless. but it snuck up and took me over and fuck if i ain't been in heaven for the last four hours loving life. the house was all quiet and cool. the dogs on each side of me like lovers- holding me. i kept laughing last night as i went to sleep- thinking about my dad and his bowling trophies i mentioned in the earlier post- one in particular he is super proud of. it is a big fucker set in marble. the little dude at the top of the trophy is posed holding his bowling ball like he is just getting ready to let it go down the lane, with one leg kicked up behind him in the air. my mom always displayed these on top of the china cabinet and that big one was always dead center. my brother and i liked to put our softball and baseball trophies up there next to his, but when it came time to run around the house and play trophy time- it was dad's trophies my brother and i always fought over. one day the worst thing ever happened. the bowling ball broke off my dad's BEST trophy. it wasn't my fault. but as it sits today, the little dude now has his chopped off arm up in the air with his leg kicked back behind him set in marble and that's how it is displayed.
do not take your belt off
dear the time is now diary,
ima tell you what. the grump and the unibomber are really something. i think they both need professional help. here is why. whenever the unibomber raises his voice, the grump snaps. then it is a big ordeal. who argues with a dog? i can tell you, but you prolly will not believe me. i am listening to it now. as i sit here and reflect, that used to be me- in there- i was the dog. he used to fuck with me like that. the unibomber would poke me in the chest and fuck with me and fuck with me until i would fucking bite him. the grump, the poor grump, he's old now and takes less and less of his shit. if i could call the department of dogs and family services, they would take the unibomber away. please don't ever repeat this, or tell the unibomber i told you guys this, but the grump whooped his ass the other day. the grump bit him on his arm y'all and the unibomber didn't do shit but get an icepack. the unibomber had it coming and the grump trumped him. i went into the bathroom and sat down on the toilet and laughed cuz i knew i was peein. and i sure did. i didn't let anyone know i was pissin and laughing hard. see, when the grump bites me- he don't break the skin. he can hold back. but clearly, he cant hold back when he tears into the arm of the unibomber. i love the grump. the fucker.
ima tell you what. the grump and the unibomber are really something. i think they both need professional help. here is why. whenever the unibomber raises his voice, the grump snaps. then it is a big ordeal. who argues with a dog? i can tell you, but you prolly will not believe me. i am listening to it now. as i sit here and reflect, that used to be me- in there- i was the dog. he used to fuck with me like that. the unibomber would poke me in the chest and fuck with me and fuck with me until i would fucking bite him. the grump, the poor grump, he's old now and takes less and less of his shit. if i could call the department of dogs and family services, they would take the unibomber away. please don't ever repeat this, or tell the unibomber i told you guys this, but the grump whooped his ass the other day. the grump bit him on his arm y'all and the unibomber didn't do shit but get an icepack. the unibomber had it coming and the grump trumped him. i went into the bathroom and sat down on the toilet and laughed cuz i knew i was peein. and i sure did. i didn't let anyone know i was pissin and laughing hard. see, when the grump bites me- he don't break the skin. he can hold back. but clearly, he cant hold back when he tears into the arm of the unibomber. i love the grump. the fucker.
cleaning out the house
dear new bedding for the snake diary,
everyone needs their sheets changed and today the snake will get her turn. ima help the unibomber take her whole tankhouse outside and then i'll clean it with a rag and soap and hose- just because she has made severe trail marks on every square inch of her plate glass windows and since ima give her all new douglas fir bark for her bedding, now will be the best time to upside her tank and scrub it like there is no tomorrow. i'll feed her while she is out i suppose, even though part of me is still angry from the last time she took a bite from my bird finger. remember that? eleven fang marks- it really was NOT her fault though- ima blame the unibomber for her actions that day. i might just feed her outside, i never have before, she might enjoy a new restaurant serving the usual menu. i'd have to give the rat a handicap- bust him in the head or break his leg or something so he'd have a hard time getting away. it would suck to think about an eight dollar rat running loose in OUR neighborhood like the one i set free over on the north side of town a few years ago when the snake got full and wouldn't eat that last one. rats always did like the cornfields and living in the homes nearby. i assume that hasn't changed in the few years since i've moved to the city. YEE HAW!
everyone needs their sheets changed and today the snake will get her turn. ima help the unibomber take her whole tankhouse outside and then i'll clean it with a rag and soap and hose- just because she has made severe trail marks on every square inch of her plate glass windows and since ima give her all new douglas fir bark for her bedding, now will be the best time to upside her tank and scrub it like there is no tomorrow. i'll feed her while she is out i suppose, even though part of me is still angry from the last time she took a bite from my bird finger. remember that? eleven fang marks- it really was NOT her fault though- ima blame the unibomber for her actions that day. i might just feed her outside, i never have before, she might enjoy a new restaurant serving the usual menu. i'd have to give the rat a handicap- bust him in the head or break his leg or something so he'd have a hard time getting away. it would suck to think about an eight dollar rat running loose in OUR neighborhood like the one i set free over on the north side of town a few years ago when the snake got full and wouldn't eat that last one. rats always did like the cornfields and living in the homes nearby. i assume that hasn't changed in the few years since i've moved to the city. YEE HAW!
how do they know that shit i wonder? that is some bullshit
dear dead battery and excited about that diary,
today i intend on sleeping until i wake up. how's that grab ya? then ima get up and prolly take a regular bath and wash my funkified hair. oh yeah. prolly yep. and then ima go outside and look at my plants. after all, it is a safeday. i think anyway. i dunno- i haven't tasted the air yet. then i think i shall just skip around and sing all day. i trimmed my mums last night back even with the porch because they were big and large so now i made them look like bushes. i will never have to plant flowers across the front of my house again. mums are the way to go. the unibomber wont mow the front yard because he planted grass seed, so we look homeless with a house. it's so sad. the city should be sending a letter by the first of july. ok the back yard is mowed but not the front. what will that letter say i wonder? "dear home owner, is there some significant reason that you refuse to mow your front yard or do you just want to look like you are a pilgrim living in a wheat field? mow it or we will you stupid whore. love, the city. ps you know your crotch be lookin the same way hell."
today i intend on sleeping until i wake up. how's that grab ya? then ima get up and prolly take a regular bath and wash my funkified hair. oh yeah. prolly yep. and then ima go outside and look at my plants. after all, it is a safeday. i think anyway. i dunno- i haven't tasted the air yet. then i think i shall just skip around and sing all day. i trimmed my mums last night back even with the porch because they were big and large so now i made them look like bushes. i will never have to plant flowers across the front of my house again. mums are the way to go. the unibomber wont mow the front yard because he planted grass seed, so we look homeless with a house. it's so sad. the city should be sending a letter by the first of july. ok the back yard is mowed but not the front. what will that letter say i wonder? "dear home owner, is there some significant reason that you refuse to mow your front yard or do you just want to look like you are a pilgrim living in a wheat field? mow it or we will you stupid whore. love, the city. ps you know your crotch be lookin the same way hell."
higher steaks (meat in the air)
dear little bits of potato chips diary,
slung up in bed all day, if i had to be looked at under a microscope and someone read my blog in a forensic manner, dissecting every phrase and thought in some freaky psychologically telling way, wow, i'd hate to see that report. fuckers would have me signed up and ready to kill about nine people and i know who eight of them would be right now- prolly. but who on earth would be that stupid to write out plans of what they would do, let alone how and when they would do it, on an open public blog, FULL WELL KNOWING, the cuntface reads my shit like it was the friggin Bible. i don't have it in me to take a life, but i do feel mother's have the right to kill their children and i have raised my children under that pretense. it hurts like hell to give birth and when your kid looks at you and says, "fuck you, i ain't taking the garbage out," it's hard not to want to kill him. still, i couldn't do it. i can keep a prisoner in the basement, for years however, but that is another post. naw, i'm not an aries, angels don't fear to tread on me, they walk with me every day. born under the sign of taurus, i came early and was meant for the sign of gemini. born on the cusp- both signs fit- and i suppose under the new moon of my birth is where it all finally clicked.
slung up in bed all day, if i had to be looked at under a microscope and someone read my blog in a forensic manner, dissecting every phrase and thought in some freaky psychologically telling way, wow, i'd hate to see that report. fuckers would have me signed up and ready to kill about nine people and i know who eight of them would be right now- prolly. but who on earth would be that stupid to write out plans of what they would do, let alone how and when they would do it, on an open public blog, FULL WELL KNOWING, the cuntface reads my shit like it was the friggin Bible. i don't have it in me to take a life, but i do feel mother's have the right to kill their children and i have raised my children under that pretense. it hurts like hell to give birth and when your kid looks at you and says, "fuck you, i ain't taking the garbage out," it's hard not to want to kill him. still, i couldn't do it. i can keep a prisoner in the basement, for years however, but that is another post. naw, i'm not an aries, angels don't fear to tread on me, they walk with me every day. born under the sign of taurus, i came early and was meant for the sign of gemini. born on the cusp- both signs fit- and i suppose under the new moon of my birth is where it all finally clicked.
the sprinkler from the well
dear i gotta say diary,
when things go my way, they really go my way and i don't complain about which way the water flows. i know eventually the old bucket will spring a leak and the water will either run into some body elses bucket, or simply dry up and either way- i'll get a new bucket with new water. quite possibly i could be the last whore on earth who feels this way about how they live their life, how they carry their water, and how they look to their future, but when i confront myself with the possibility of living with sand- there is no other choice.
when things go my way, they really go my way and i don't complain about which way the water flows. i know eventually the old bucket will spring a leak and the water will either run into some body elses bucket, or simply dry up and either way- i'll get a new bucket with new water. quite possibly i could be the last whore on earth who feels this way about how they live their life, how they carry their water, and how they look to their future, but when i confront myself with the possibility of living with sand- there is no other choice.
June 12, 2011
just tawk right
dear voice from my head to yours diary,
so the people who know me who read this tell me that when they are reading my blog they hear my voice because i write exactly like i talk. but cept i say i don't talk like i write on the count of my pragmatic word choices at times are more creative, at times, i would say, then they are when i talk. i dunno, maybe not. i often wonder how it is you have me sounding out there- those of you who don't know know me. people say i have an accent. i don't know where that would come from. here's what often happens when i do find myself around someone who does have a strong accent. i will immediately start to copy them. i do this without even knowing i'm doing it and have since i was a tiny girl and WISH I COULD STOP. when i call and order chinese food- guess who is trying to speak chinese at the end of the call? it is SO ANNOYING. same with mexican. oh and i don't fucking do ANYTHING to hide this either and it is so embarrassing. i cant go to texas. oh fuck no. so when i really do go somewhere and just talk and people look at me and ask me where i am from- it shocks me- almost insults me- because usually i am 30 miles from home.
so the people who know me who read this tell me that when they are reading my blog they hear my voice because i write exactly like i talk. but cept i say i don't talk like i write on the count of my pragmatic word choices at times are more creative, at times, i would say, then they are when i talk. i dunno, maybe not. i often wonder how it is you have me sounding out there- those of you who don't know know me. people say i have an accent. i don't know where that would come from. here's what often happens when i do find myself around someone who does have a strong accent. i will immediately start to copy them. i do this without even knowing i'm doing it and have since i was a tiny girl and WISH I COULD STOP. when i call and order chinese food- guess who is trying to speak chinese at the end of the call? it is SO ANNOYING. same with mexican. oh and i don't fucking do ANYTHING to hide this either and it is so embarrassing. i cant go to texas. oh fuck no. so when i really do go somewhere and just talk and people look at me and ask me where i am from- it shocks me- almost insults me- because usually i am 30 miles from home.
ready for corn
dear i dunno about you diary,
but i got some amish butter ready for some peaches and cream corn on the cob and ima eat like three dozen ears just as soon as i get my greasy paws on some. i like it before it gets real big on the cob too, and i can eat an ear of corn in about- oh i'd say- prolly less than a minute if it ain't real hot and i don't need ANY salt either. keep the salt for the homemade ice cream. fuck i love corn on the cob. then right after that the peaches will be done. oh yes. and meantime the tomatoes will be fallin off the vines. you know i had tomatoes clear up til november into december last year. i wanna say almost to Christmas, but i know that'd be a lie. you guys wanna see a picture of a splattered tomato i had to clean up at my dad's house he just left on the floor or a bunch of peaches? shitcrackers i suppose i could show you both.
but i got some amish butter ready for some peaches and cream corn on the cob and ima eat like three dozen ears just as soon as i get my greasy paws on some. i like it before it gets real big on the cob too, and i can eat an ear of corn in about- oh i'd say- prolly less than a minute if it ain't real hot and i don't need ANY salt either. keep the salt for the homemade ice cream. fuck i love corn on the cob. then right after that the peaches will be done. oh yes. and meantime the tomatoes will be fallin off the vines. you know i had tomatoes clear up til november into december last year. i wanna say almost to Christmas, but i know that'd be a lie. you guys wanna see a picture of a splattered tomato i had to clean up at my dad's house he just left on the floor or a bunch of peaches? shitcrackers i suppose i could show you both.  |
| i can't wait |
hoeing daddy style
dear this is not about my dad diary,
i had dinner tonight with my dad and he says i don't need to be blogging about him on here. so from now on (prolly after this post cuz it wont do much good now) anything i say about my dad is no longer about my dad, so, it will now be about the guy living behind my dad. so, i don't know why my dad would upset about my writing about him on here anyway. i told him i don't use his dang name. he was telling me tonight how he was 'hoeing' in the garden (which made me laugh the way he said hoeing) and then he made me guess how many seeds came in a package of zucchini seeds. i guessed ten- the correct answer was eight- for A DOLLAR and only four grew and the story went on (as you know it will) that he was hoeing them, "little weeds," he said and he wasn't payin attention and he, "whacked off one of them little zucchinis dog gone it and now there are only three hills out there." i knew right then i was bloggin this shit. hail yes. hoeing AND whacked off- my dad- oh yeah. then as i was leaving- the bugs started attacking. ick. i had to whack them off of him. he said people wont want to know about what he did to his plants, but i say they will and they wont have a choice anyway.
i had dinner tonight with my dad and he says i don't need to be blogging about him on here. so from now on (prolly after this post cuz it wont do much good now) anything i say about my dad is no longer about my dad, so, it will now be about the guy living behind my dad. so, i don't know why my dad would upset about my writing about him on here anyway. i told him i don't use his dang name. he was telling me tonight how he was 'hoeing' in the garden (which made me laugh the way he said hoeing) and then he made me guess how many seeds came in a package of zucchini seeds. i guessed ten- the correct answer was eight- for A DOLLAR and only four grew and the story went on (as you know it will) that he was hoeing them, "little weeds," he said and he wasn't payin attention and he, "whacked off one of them little zucchinis dog gone it and now there are only three hills out there." i knew right then i was bloggin this shit. hail yes. hoeing AND whacked off- my dad- oh yeah. then as i was leaving- the bugs started attacking. ick. i had to whack them off of him. he said people wont want to know about what he did to his plants, but i say they will and they wont have a choice anyway.
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| hitch a ride? my ass |
he likes green tic-tacs
dear curtains that are open diary,
i slammed my elbow into the wall and it sucked. now my thumb and my elbow hurt on the same arm so i wont be bowling this week. and that is funny because i am a master bowler- in my dreams. my dad is the bowler in the family- he has trophies and everything. his league bowled on tuesday nights and as a matter of fact- that is where i got my first kiss ever- on a tuesday night at the eldorado bowl behind the pac-man machine. his name i feel totally comfortable writing completely out because it is one of those kind of names that sound fictitious anyway, brian smith. man, i'll tell you what, brian smith set the bar high, he was king of the kissing rodeo. we kissed every tuesday until i got a real boyfriend, you know and quit going bowling with my dad. and when they finally tore that old bowling alley down a few years ago- part of me got really sad. but by then i was across the street kissing the mouth of your worthless husband hero fag. so oh well- another moment of my personal hell- SHOUT OUT CUNTFACE- just life in a perfect world.
i slammed my elbow into the wall and it sucked. now my thumb and my elbow hurt on the same arm so i wont be bowling this week. and that is funny because i am a master bowler- in my dreams. my dad is the bowler in the family- he has trophies and everything. his league bowled on tuesday nights and as a matter of fact- that is where i got my first kiss ever- on a tuesday night at the eldorado bowl behind the pac-man machine. his name i feel totally comfortable writing completely out because it is one of those kind of names that sound fictitious anyway, brian smith. man, i'll tell you what, brian smith set the bar high, he was king of the kissing rodeo. we kissed every tuesday until i got a real boyfriend, you know and quit going bowling with my dad. and when they finally tore that old bowling alley down a few years ago- part of me got really sad. but by then i was across the street kissing the mouth of your worthless husband hero fag. so oh well- another moment of my personal hell- SHOUT OUT CUNTFACE- just life in a perfect world.
sleepin on doodle-doo y'all
dear plans that didn't change diary,
yep i went to bed. i can promise you that. i was tired. i been tired since i took a nap and got up. who takes a forty minute nap anyway. i tried for an hour and a half, i had to set my alarm, you know, anything under two hours i have to set an alarm usually, so i did, but i got woke up several times and ended up sleeping less than 40 minutes straight so i woke up pretty pissed off. it was a shock to hear my clock go COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO. i hate my phone anyway- that's what rang- the alarm on there. ima get a new phone someday, i am. i just like my phone- just not the alarm when it goes off. i 'm scared of a smart phone y'all. i like my retarded one. i don't want a phone with small buttons and that could possibly be smarter than me. i might not ever get a new phone y'all. i'll decide later after i wake up y'all.
yep i went to bed. i can promise you that. i was tired. i been tired since i took a nap and got up. who takes a forty minute nap anyway. i tried for an hour and a half, i had to set my alarm, you know, anything under two hours i have to set an alarm usually, so i did, but i got woke up several times and ended up sleeping less than 40 minutes straight so i woke up pretty pissed off. it was a shock to hear my clock go COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO. i hate my phone anyway- that's what rang- the alarm on there. ima get a new phone someday, i am. i just like my phone- just not the alarm when it goes off. i 'm scared of a smart phone y'all. i like my retarded one. i don't want a phone with small buttons and that could possibly be smarter than me. i might not ever get a new phone y'all. i'll decide later after i wake up y'all.
isn't life strange when the lighter don't work man?
dear i got the gag order diary,
seems like the blunt them guys just smoked had a hole in it or something because they kept suckin and suckin and nothin was coming out of their mouths but nasty smellin breath stench and i was looking so forward to the second hand smoke and the possibility of a contact buzz. ida even french kissed that one just for a quick taste of the sweet leaf. butt fuck me in the ass- there was no smoke that i saw- except from the rolled up unit- which burnt up before it ever even got back to the one ida preferred to kiss- if given a choice. who ever heard of a whore dying to kiss anyway? omfg i'll suffocate a mother fucker the next time it does happen. wait- watch and see if i ain't lyin. ima go clean the bathroom mirror and polish my skills and then take a nap.
seems like the blunt them guys just smoked had a hole in it or something because they kept suckin and suckin and nothin was coming out of their mouths but nasty smellin breath stench and i was looking so forward to the second hand smoke and the possibility of a contact buzz. ida even french kissed that one just for a quick taste of the sweet leaf. butt fuck me in the ass- there was no smoke that i saw- except from the rolled up unit- which burnt up before it ever even got back to the one ida preferred to kiss- if given a choice. who ever heard of a whore dying to kiss anyway? omfg i'll suffocate a mother fucker the next time it does happen. wait- watch and see if i ain't lyin. ima go clean the bathroom mirror and polish my skills and then take a nap.
the road king
dear what happens diary,
when i roll all my hair up under my other hair and maneuver it just so that it tucks under and stays, all without a hair tie or barrette, i feel amish. i feel special. my head even feels lighter because i know there ain't nothing up there holding my wad of hair. now that my chinhair is plucked out, finally, there is nothing on my face for me to grab at, except my nose and that is boring because there ain't even anything coming out of it at the moment- i already checked after i blew it. it seems like that is when shit hangs out of my nose, i dunno about you, but after i blow it is when i always notice the crumbs and shit hanging. my nails are quite the sight today. i painted them last night. i never paint them during the daylight hours. you may as well get that through your thick skull now. i slept a long time straight today. wanna know why? CUZ THE WINDOWS WERE SHUT. thank you very much- no trains, no birds, no traffic, no cicadas, no dogs, no pedestrians, no cats, no horns and no harley's. ima try and get a city ordinance passed to have no motorcycles on my road. no burger king bikes. if it belongs on the highway- it shouldn't be on my street.
when i roll all my hair up under my other hair and maneuver it just so that it tucks under and stays, all without a hair tie or barrette, i feel amish. i feel special. my head even feels lighter because i know there ain't nothing up there holding my wad of hair. now that my chinhair is plucked out, finally, there is nothing on my face for me to grab at, except my nose and that is boring because there ain't even anything coming out of it at the moment- i already checked after i blew it. it seems like that is when shit hangs out of my nose, i dunno about you, but after i blow it is when i always notice the crumbs and shit hanging. my nails are quite the sight today. i painted them last night. i never paint them during the daylight hours. you may as well get that through your thick skull now. i slept a long time straight today. wanna know why? CUZ THE WINDOWS WERE SHUT. thank you very much- no trains, no birds, no traffic, no cicadas, no dogs, no pedestrians, no cats, no horns and no harley's. ima try and get a city ordinance passed to have no motorcycles on my road. no burger king bikes. if it belongs on the highway- it shouldn't be on my street.
never take a nail on vacation
dear roger on vacation diary,
umm, i dunno, but last time i checked- a vacation did not include roofing. you might be a dumbass if your vacation includes a hammer and sweat... oh wait... i suppose roger could have been roofing in the tropics. let us give roger the benefit of the doubt and imagine roger was roofing in the mediterranean islands where the waters are so blue and the skies even bluer. what a lucky guy. i'm hoping it was a tear off. yes, i am picturing roger the only white man in pants- roofing his family's roof- overseas- using his american knowledge- while also supplying all the island women with plenty of exciting afternoon fulls of fun eye pleasure. roofing is a dirty job, i know because the unibomber thought he wanted to roof for a period of time once. i just hated that smell on his body. even after a shower he still stunk. his skills came in handy when he roofed my dad's house, and my house, and all my friend's houses, but being licensed and bonded and insured to do stranger's homes was a pain in the ass. i made him quit doin all that. he never fell off the roof- and i got tired of waiting.
umm, i dunno, but last time i checked- a vacation did not include roofing. you might be a dumbass if your vacation includes a hammer and sweat... oh wait... i suppose roger could have been roofing in the tropics. let us give roger the benefit of the doubt and imagine roger was roofing in the mediterranean islands where the waters are so blue and the skies even bluer. what a lucky guy. i'm hoping it was a tear off. yes, i am picturing roger the only white man in pants- roofing his family's roof- overseas- using his american knowledge- while also supplying all the island women with plenty of exciting afternoon fulls of fun eye pleasure. roofing is a dirty job, i know because the unibomber thought he wanted to roof for a period of time once. i just hated that smell on his body. even after a shower he still stunk. his skills came in handy when he roofed my dad's house, and my house, and all my friend's houses, but being licensed and bonded and insured to do stranger's homes was a pain in the ass. i made him quit doin all that. he never fell off the roof- and i got tired of waiting.
some people hate dolphins
dear if the days were nights diary,
i am a whore and you can help me decide a few other things. meth was discovered by a japanese scientist dude before wwII, but these days my nights compress down onto the days like an awesome piston on its down stroke. i know what you are thinking and my nights do swallow my days, but i am not a tweeker. ima seeker. i get off on watching people who tweek. lots of material there. how do you know when you are doing the right thing? well, the people around you are generally happy and i say thank you alot. what does it feel like to be free? well, it feels like it does to be me- i guess. when you find yourself- you find a sortof intimacy- the kind of relationship that can really go the distance. you can see yourself so clearly, saying often outloud as i do, "this is what i should have done and this is when i should have done it." don't have this conversation the moment after it has passed the time to have it. the time is now. now, when it is fully loaded and the safety is off and the spear gun is pointed directly at the tweeking target- who is not of asian descent. a chippendale or a chipmunk is who you'll end up with. and both will keep you fully entertained- even without the drugs.
i am a whore and you can help me decide a few other things. meth was discovered by a japanese scientist dude before wwII, but these days my nights compress down onto the days like an awesome piston on its down stroke. i know what you are thinking and my nights do swallow my days, but i am not a tweeker. ima seeker. i get off on watching people who tweek. lots of material there. how do you know when you are doing the right thing? well, the people around you are generally happy and i say thank you alot. what does it feel like to be free? well, it feels like it does to be me- i guess. when you find yourself- you find a sortof intimacy- the kind of relationship that can really go the distance. you can see yourself so clearly, saying often outloud as i do, "this is what i should have done and this is when i should have done it." don't have this conversation the moment after it has passed the time to have it. the time is now. now, when it is fully loaded and the safety is off and the spear gun is pointed directly at the tweeking target- who is not of asian descent. a chippendale or a chipmunk is who you'll end up with. and both will keep you fully entertained- even without the drugs.
the brown thing
dear i want a new sofa diary,
i can never find a couch i like and i really hate this one i have now. the only one i was ever truly happy with was the corduroy covered one i had that was from the 1960's and you guys that fucker weighed about 400 pounds (not quite but it was a heavy bitch) and it was so nice and given to me by my friend's mother. i had it for a LONG time and i loved it more than any couch i've had since. it looked spectacular in pictures too, i had it when prince william was born. i liked it when i put the salt water tank behind it. when william got old enough to stand i would let him gaze into the tank and the eel would come out of his coral and stare at him and he would laugh and smack at the fish. i loved the way his eyes stayed glued to the water as he grip the back of that couch. i miss that couch and i miss my baby and i miss my eel and i miss my fish, oh and i miss my friend's mom who gave me the couch and i miss my old dog marty pants who used to sleep on that couch. they sure don't make sofas like they used to. one day i woke up and my eel had went and committed suicide, if anyone wondered what happened to him. so i picked him up off the floor and went and put him in the toilet, where he SPRANG BACK TO LIFE.... i thought. so i hurried up and took him back out of the toilet and threw him back into the tank- but it turns out he was really dead. i dunno what made him spazz out like that when i put him in the toilet- so i threw him in the garbage. fucker was big anyway.
i can never find a couch i like and i really hate this one i have now. the only one i was ever truly happy with was the corduroy covered one i had that was from the 1960's and you guys that fucker weighed about 400 pounds (not quite but it was a heavy bitch) and it was so nice and given to me by my friend's mother. i had it for a LONG time and i loved it more than any couch i've had since. it looked spectacular in pictures too, i had it when prince william was born. i liked it when i put the salt water tank behind it. when william got old enough to stand i would let him gaze into the tank and the eel would come out of his coral and stare at him and he would laugh and smack at the fish. i loved the way his eyes stayed glued to the water as he grip the back of that couch. i miss that couch and i miss my baby and i miss my eel and i miss my fish, oh and i miss my friend's mom who gave me the couch and i miss my old dog marty pants who used to sleep on that couch. they sure don't make sofas like they used to. one day i woke up and my eel had went and committed suicide, if anyone wondered what happened to him. so i picked him up off the floor and went and put him in the toilet, where he SPRANG BACK TO LIFE.... i thought. so i hurried up and took him back out of the toilet and threw him back into the tank- but it turns out he was really dead. i dunno what made him spazz out like that when i put him in the toilet- so i threw him in the garbage. fucker was big anyway.
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| the lion fishy |