dear tree in my yard diary,
so last year i got an oak tree and planted it in my yard. the mother fucker died is what it did and i was hot to trot. i dug the bitch up and took it back and of course- no more oak trees were left. so the bitch said she'd either give me my money back or i could go pick out another tree and get it. BIG DECISION. let's see. humm. there is a big hole in my yard. i don't need the money. yeah, i'm thinking tree. ok, you talked me into a tree. ok, here's the thing. i may be a woman and by all appearances look like one, in fact- i am a woman- but i don't really like girly things. so, i get outside and all that's left are these 'girl trees.' fucking ornamental trees. worthless fucking idiot trees that have no use whatsoever. so. i pick out a tree with a picture of some long spidery branches- a weeping style- it damn near kills me- it has berries on it- and i think, 'i can live with this,' and i go through the necessary paperwork at the register- bring it home- put it in the hole- and water it continuously for the rest of the year and it doesn't die. YAY! i finally have a tree in my yard. i should be so proud. then, here spring rolls around you guys.... and i look out my window the other day. and i'm like, 'WHAT THE FUCK IS ON MY TREE BRANCHES?' and i go outside and omfg- little puffy white and pink FLOWERS have attached themselves all to every branch on that tree. and that IS NOT what the picture showed on the fucking tree when got it. i want to ax it down. part of me really does. ima leave it- but i dunno- it's a freak tree.
so last year i got an oak tree and planted it in my yard. the mother fucker died is what it did and i was hot to trot. i dug the bitch up and took it back and of course- no more oak trees were left. so the bitch said she'd either give me my money back or i could go pick out another tree and get it. BIG DECISION. let's see. humm. there is a big hole in my yard. i don't need the money. yeah, i'm thinking tree. ok, you talked me into a tree. ok, here's the thing. i may be a woman and by all appearances look like one, in fact- i am a woman- but i don't really like girly things. so, i get outside and all that's left are these 'girl trees.' fucking ornamental trees. worthless fucking idiot trees that have no use whatsoever. so. i pick out a tree with a picture of some long spidery branches- a weeping style- it damn near kills me- it has berries on it- and i think, 'i can live with this,' and i go through the necessary paperwork at the register- bring it home- put it in the hole- and water it continuously for the rest of the year and it doesn't die. YAY! i finally have a tree in my yard. i should be so proud. then, here spring rolls around you guys.... and i look out my window the other day. and i'm like, 'WHAT THE FUCK IS ON MY TREE BRANCHES?' and i go outside and omfg- little puffy white and pink FLOWERS have attached themselves all to every branch on that tree. and that IS NOT what the picture showed on the fucking tree when got it. i want to ax it down. part of me really does. ima leave it- but i dunno- it's a freak tree.