dear hollywood diary,
i would not fit in out west. i just realized that. i mean, i used to have this friend who explained it the best when she'd say, "girl a movie star could sit down right next to you and you would not know who they were," and after about two years of schooling this thought, she is right. she hit the nail square on the head. i am dumb like that. we have to've had sex 800 times or i wont recognize you. i might as well be blind. now i know my kids- and my dad and of course i didn't have sex with them- but i've seen them everyday ALL MY LIFE. so there you go. but completely on the other spectrum- people think i look like everyone they know, which used to really FREAK me out. because until i was almost 22 years old- i didn't know who i was- or where i came from- so that ALWAYS bothered me. it would haunt me for DAYS upon DAYS- especially when someone would say a NAME for pete's sake. i'll bet i have just somehow mentally blocked myself from remembering faces- from looking into so many- searching for that one i thought i would recognize and never did. even when i met her- i saw nothing familiar in the face of my birth mother. somehow she didn't look at all like the mother i buried and i still don't quite understand that- even tho i do really. how could i not.
i would not fit in out west. i just realized that. i mean, i used to have this friend who explained it the best when she'd say, "girl a movie star could sit down right next to you and you would not know who they were," and after about two years of schooling this thought, she is right. she hit the nail square on the head. i am dumb like that. we have to've had sex 800 times or i wont recognize you. i might as well be blind. now i know my kids- and my dad and of course i didn't have sex with them- but i've seen them everyday ALL MY LIFE. so there you go. but completely on the other spectrum- people think i look like everyone they know, which used to really FREAK me out. because until i was almost 22 years old- i didn't know who i was- or where i came from- so that ALWAYS bothered me. it would haunt me for DAYS upon DAYS- especially when someone would say a NAME for pete's sake. i'll bet i have just somehow mentally blocked myself from remembering faces- from looking into so many- searching for that one i thought i would recognize and never did. even when i met her- i saw nothing familiar in the face of my birth mother. somehow she didn't look at all like the mother i buried and i still don't quite understand that- even tho i do really. how could i not.
