dear i made it up by nine diary,
i am telling you- THE hardest thing about sleeping is waking up. sometimes- i don't even know where i am. worse yet- sometimes i cant move and i feel like i am wide awake. it is like my mind woke up before the rest of me did. that is what happened tonite- but it only was for a second. i prolly coulda milked it for longer- but this time i knew what was going on and took control. i wasn't in the mood to play games. the house was all dark when i stumbled out of the bedroom- for a minute- i thought i was gunna get to take a bath. my heart even started skipping a little. then i saw it- the light in the garage. FUUUUCK. then i started looking around at the house. i live here. last tuesday when maria came- the house was so clean- but i let her come anyway. tomorrow- fuck if it ain't back to normal again, a short lived dream. my room is the worst. something must be done in there- but she cant do it. i keep telling myself, "things will get better," but they never seem to. even when i waited all those years for the moving van to show up- i knew they wouldn't get better then too. i thought about just living in a tent. i figured- why not?
i am telling you- THE hardest thing about sleeping is waking up. sometimes- i don't even know where i am. worse yet- sometimes i cant move and i feel like i am wide awake. it is like my mind woke up before the rest of me did. that is what happened tonite- but it only was for a second. i prolly coulda milked it for longer- but this time i knew what was going on and took control. i wasn't in the mood to play games. the house was all dark when i stumbled out of the bedroom- for a minute- i thought i was gunna get to take a bath. my heart even started skipping a little. then i saw it- the light in the garage. FUUUUCK. then i started looking around at the house. i live here. last tuesday when maria came- the house was so clean- but i let her come anyway. tomorrow- fuck if it ain't back to normal again, a short lived dream. my room is the worst. something must be done in there- but she cant do it. i keep telling myself, "things will get better," but they never seem to. even when i waited all those years for the moving van to show up- i knew they wouldn't get better then too. i thought about just living in a tent. i figured- why not?
