days going by

dear let the water pull me down diary,

sometimes i think drowning really would be the easiest way to go- if i were to jump off the ship of life here. but i haven't caught a fish yet. some days i feel very uncomfortable in my own home, a time when i would turn to my special friend. i deal alone now with my issues and go through many tissues, but i know with all of my resources, i will have faith to go forward. i wont be jumping ship- and in no way i am giving up on this trip. i will go to kentucky and see the horses and make a bet on one. i'm usually pretty good at betting on things. i think i'll get a hotel with a jacuzzi and take becky. it'll prolly be a madhouse and full everywhere and if it is- then i'll drive back- but i would like to stay. maybe if i book now i'll have a better chance- but it's prolly late anyway. ima goin- and becky is too- she's never been to kentucky like the grump has. i kinda like this life, not being a wife, but i miss having a hand to hold. but it sure ain't worth it when you find yourself a jerk that cant keep one true word.