dear guilt that overwhelms me diary,
when she listens to me and does what i say right away- sometimes that makes me feel very guilty- like maybe i shouldn't have asked. now she is under her crib pouting and i hate that even more because it's as if i've hurt her in some traumatic way, prolly injured her spirit forever. she will always remember me kinda yelling at her to get down from the bed tonight- it is etched in her mind- one of those packaged memory deals she will get blasted before her final breath. oooh i just had one right now- and i didn't have impending doom of any sort, i was loading on to the monorail train at disneyworld. there was a fatal accident on that mother fucker once- i couldn't imagine my death being on the way into disneyworld- but i suppose it can and does and did and could and will happen. it wont be me though- i'll never go to disneyworld again.... i'd go to disneyland first. they don't have the monorails there. i still cant believe they let the people die before they actually paid to get inside the park yet. is that considered good business- or not good business- to die before paying. i wonder what did make my mind think of all that- for i am not wearing ears that hang off of a hat. i don't know and really could care less, but becky has anxiety and that is why she chews her nails.
