dear dog show diary,
i ain't gunna be there for that, it seems. not this year anyway. ima go someday tho. i think in my previous life- i was a dog. for years- i used to howl and bark at every passing dog along the road- inside a car or with a walker- or even running at large or my favorite- behind a fence. some people get pissed OFF when you bark at their dogs inside the moving car in traffic. fuck them- i think they are jealous- fuck no i wasn't barking at you bitch- i was barking at your dog. all dogs love me. well- all except my old pot dealers standard poodle. that mother fucker was brain damaged from all the marijuana it had been forced to smoke since before birth. i walked in once to their house and it bit me right on my ass- that fucker had jaws of a pit bull- it would not let go. i can even remember the date- it was april 1st y'all- but this was no joke. i fuckin swung my ass around and that poodle i began to choke. pam- was my girls name- she was laughing like insane- and i was getting very upset- my butthole was in pain. i got that dog offa me- and not a minute to soon- and i got the hell out of there with a hole in my bum. then i got pulled over with plates that didn't match the car- but the VIN number was only two digits different form my other car- and the cop didn't notice- but he noticed my hole but not the weed or my plates or the insurance for the other car. i was nervous- my butt was showin- i had a story from hell- but my ass was still bleeding and he could tell. he let me go and i sped right on home- got out my bag and got real blown. fuck i hate poodles to this very day- it was stupid to get pot so far from home anyway. i don't have either of those cars anymore- but it was fun switching plates back and forth like a whore.
i ain't gunna be there for that, it seems. not this year anyway. ima go someday tho. i think in my previous life- i was a dog. for years- i used to howl and bark at every passing dog along the road- inside a car or with a walker- or even running at large or my favorite- behind a fence. some people get pissed OFF when you bark at their dogs inside the moving car in traffic. fuck them- i think they are jealous- fuck no i wasn't barking at you bitch- i was barking at your dog. all dogs love me. well- all except my old pot dealers standard poodle. that mother fucker was brain damaged from all the marijuana it had been forced to smoke since before birth. i walked in once to their house and it bit me right on my ass- that fucker had jaws of a pit bull- it would not let go. i can even remember the date- it was april 1st y'all- but this was no joke. i fuckin swung my ass around and that poodle i began to choke. pam- was my girls name- she was laughing like insane- and i was getting very upset- my butthole was in pain. i got that dog offa me- and not a minute to soon- and i got the hell out of there with a hole in my bum. then i got pulled over with plates that didn't match the car- but the VIN number was only two digits different form my other car- and the cop didn't notice- but he noticed my hole but not the weed or my plates or the insurance for the other car. i was nervous- my butt was showin- i had a story from hell- but my ass was still bleeding and he could tell. he let me go and i sped right on home- got out my bag and got real blown. fuck i hate poodles to this very day- it was stupid to get pot so far from home anyway. i don't have either of those cars anymore- but it was fun switching plates back and forth like a whore.
