dear serious sometimes fatal events diary,
i don't like risk. it seems stupid to me- to chance the health or well being or personal liberty to do something dumb, so i usually just skip adventure. you know- bungee jumping or skiing or even golfing- those are things i can live my life without. people get hit by golf clubs and flying balls all the time. whenever i drive by a course, i always scream, "WHORE," out the window. even on the interstate i can get golfin mother fuckers to stop with my big ass mouth. i do like to hike though. i haven't gone yet, but i cant wait to go. i got boot shoes and a backpack and everything. i want to hill hike before i mountain hike because my legs are so skinny. so that is my plan. ima kentucky hike before i get on any appalachian trail for fucks sake.
July 16, 2011
almost time to go
dear getting nervous diary,
tic tic tock. casey is launching off the dock. it would suck to be her. first thing i'd do is prolly go get something to eat- on the way to the hairport. or i would go to walgreens and pick up a few items and then i would smoke a cigarette and then i'd hop on a plane. i wouldn't care very much where i went- i'd just want out of there fast. i would prolly buy a throw away phone at some point- just to prank my parents. i think i would for sure all river cruz up and thank her a few hundred thousand times and that meter reader. i dunno about you, but i'll be so glad when all of this is absorbed back into our culture again where it once was. can we please go back to a time when every news broadcast wasn't about casey or jaycee or caylee or haleigh. fucking people will eventually pay for what they do- between me and you.
tic tic tock. casey is launching off the dock. it would suck to be her. first thing i'd do is prolly go get something to eat- on the way to the hairport. or i would go to walgreens and pick up a few items and then i would smoke a cigarette and then i'd hop on a plane. i wouldn't care very much where i went- i'd just want out of there fast. i would prolly buy a throw away phone at some point- just to prank my parents. i think i would for sure all river cruz up and thank her a few hundred thousand times and that meter reader. i dunno about you, but i'll be so glad when all of this is absorbed back into our culture again where it once was. can we please go back to a time when every news broadcast wasn't about casey or jaycee or caylee or haleigh. fucking people will eventually pay for what they do- between me and you.
you know what value is?
dear tight lid diary,
a decade from now i hope to be in a log cabin draining maple syrup from a big tree in my back yard eating pancakes for breakfast and some kind of chewy meat for dinner, preferably bloody in the middle- but really hot. i love hot bloody meat. i wish i didn't, it will prolly be the death of me, but i do love to chew. my teeth are prolly gonna fall out of my head one day. but that wont be so bad now that they have them fancy meat grinders. i am a big fan of ham loaf. mmm. meat loaf too. mmm. but anyway. i have yet to leave my bed today. i just dont want to feel the floor yet. i might just wait and get up tomorrow- or wait until monday when it is safe again.
a decade from now i hope to be in a log cabin draining maple syrup from a big tree in my back yard eating pancakes for breakfast and some kind of chewy meat for dinner, preferably bloody in the middle- but really hot. i love hot bloody meat. i wish i didn't, it will prolly be the death of me, but i do love to chew. my teeth are prolly gonna fall out of my head one day. but that wont be so bad now that they have them fancy meat grinders. i am a big fan of ham loaf. mmm. meat loaf too. mmm. but anyway. i have yet to leave my bed today. i just dont want to feel the floor yet. i might just wait and get up tomorrow- or wait until monday when it is safe again.
wonder like bread
dear music lessons upon us diary,
the unibomber is practicing now. every song leads into LAURA'S THEME, he has that down pat. sometimes you can almost hear the beginnings of songs and i find myself humming the rest of the song, or what i think should be the rest of the song and it makes him so happy when i am humming the right song. but when like WAR PIGS leads into LAURS'A THEME it's weird. i don't say anything and i try not to hum, but sometimes i do it without knowing i'm doing it. this morning i woke up and the car was missing. i couldn't find it anywhere and all the keys and drivers were present. so i freaked out and had to wait three hours before i could find out where the car was because i cant wake him up- he'll snap. i feel like snapping in two pieces when shit like that happens- like ripping the skin OFF my face. i mean, if you need something, WAKE ME UP- I CAN GO BACK TO SLEEP. but ima fidget with shit on my mind and it will alter my dreams and everything else if i lay down with a question on my mind.
the unibomber is practicing now. every song leads into LAURA'S THEME, he has that down pat. sometimes you can almost hear the beginnings of songs and i find myself humming the rest of the song, or what i think should be the rest of the song and it makes him so happy when i am humming the right song. but when like WAR PIGS leads into LAURS'A THEME it's weird. i don't say anything and i try not to hum, but sometimes i do it without knowing i'm doing it. this morning i woke up and the car was missing. i couldn't find it anywhere and all the keys and drivers were present. so i freaked out and had to wait three hours before i could find out where the car was because i cant wake him up- he'll snap. i feel like snapping in two pieces when shit like that happens- like ripping the skin OFF my face. i mean, if you need something, WAKE ME UP- I CAN GO BACK TO SLEEP. but ima fidget with shit on my mind and it will alter my dreams and everything else if i lay down with a question on my mind.
monopoly or sorry or checkers?
dear depending on who you were to ask diary,
to me a zucchini does in no way look like a toy, but to becky it most certainly does. i found this out when i brought them in from the car. she just followed me around the house and insisted on smelling them until i stopped and let her check them out to make sure i wasn't stashing toys from her. the grump knew, he's seen zucchini before. i guess since it was Christmas yesterday, it should then be Christmas today. right? now i get to make zucchini bread. my dad wants it. i was wanting to clean my oven before i did any baking. but it doesn't look like that's gonna happen now. i'd like to try and pickle watermelon rinds someday and green beans- cuz this lady was tellin me how good those were- but i ain't had the nuts to try that yet. i cant do much of anything sitting in the bed and waiting for casey to get out of jail. i sure hope she doesn't try and pass 'go' to collect her two hundred dollars.
to me a zucchini does in no way look like a toy, but to becky it most certainly does. i found this out when i brought them in from the car. she just followed me around the house and insisted on smelling them until i stopped and let her check them out to make sure i wasn't stashing toys from her. the grump knew, he's seen zucchini before. i guess since it was Christmas yesterday, it should then be Christmas today. right? now i get to make zucchini bread. my dad wants it. i was wanting to clean my oven before i did any baking. but it doesn't look like that's gonna happen now. i'd like to try and pickle watermelon rinds someday and green beans- cuz this lady was tellin me how good those were- but i ain't had the nuts to try that yet. i cant do much of anything sitting in the bed and waiting for casey to get out of jail. i sure hope she doesn't try and pass 'go' to collect her two hundred dollars.
workin up an appetite
dear sky rockets in flight diary,
not thinking of an afternoon delight over in my neck of the woods, for shore. i just woke up again. the second go around for me. i was extremely tired that time. seems like i sleep so much better after i wake up and go back to bed for some dumb reason. ima make sausage in a bit. the good kind of sausage too, the kind from the meat market in arthur. oh hail. i'ma use the magic skillet to cook it in. have i ever told y'all bout the magic skillet? i know i've made mention of it several times, but do you know what makes it magic? it was my grandma's skillet. it is nothing but an aluminum plug-in electric sunbeam skillet- with a lid- that is so fucking old the cord is a fire fucking hazard, but i still use the bitch because everything that gets fixed in that skillet tastes like a fucking masterpiece- a glorious dream. i shit you not. something about that skillet makes food taste different- so good- it's magic. from scrambled eggs and bacon to fried chicken or a grilled cheese, that skillet is a must have for any chef who wants to cook like grandma did.
not thinking of an afternoon delight over in my neck of the woods, for shore. i just woke up again. the second go around for me. i was extremely tired that time. seems like i sleep so much better after i wake up and go back to bed for some dumb reason. ima make sausage in a bit. the good kind of sausage too, the kind from the meat market in arthur. oh hail. i'ma use the magic skillet to cook it in. have i ever told y'all bout the magic skillet? i know i've made mention of it several times, but do you know what makes it magic? it was my grandma's skillet. it is nothing but an aluminum plug-in electric sunbeam skillet- with a lid- that is so fucking old the cord is a fire fucking hazard, but i still use the bitch because everything that gets fixed in that skillet tastes like a fucking masterpiece- a glorious dream. i shit you not. something about that skillet makes food taste different- so good- it's magic. from scrambled eggs and bacon to fried chicken or a grilled cheese, that skillet is a must have for any chef who wants to cook like grandma did.
welcome to my FUCKING zoo
dear peacock diary,
here is an example of an animal i have always not been very fond of- the peacock. something about a proud pretty bird makes me worried. also, when the male bird gets to be more esthetically pleasing than the female, well that is bullshit- since we are the egg layers across the board. stick your pretty feathers up your mother fucking ass- i think that's how it works anyway- i cant remember and i hate birds anyway. they shit all over shit. my mom always tagged me liking birds. but nope, i never did really. someday i would like to have a foul mouth talking parrot though. one that says all the words said back and forth between the unibomber and i all day long. words like; fuck, ass, ass fucker, dildo, dick, dick breath, dick cheese, dick face, dick nose, dickless in decatur, fucker fuck, ass fuck, fuck my ass, ass twat, fuck me in my ass twat, suck my dick, stfu ass twat, ima fuck you in your ass ass twat, shit, shit for brains, shit dick, dick head, headless dick, shit face dick, retarded fuck, pussy fucker, i fucking love you mother fucker, you're a whore, and my favorite- dick cheese. i figure when i got tired of it running its' fat pointed beak- i would just catch my parrot and stuff him back in his cage and cover it with a big green army blanket and shut him down for a while. that way after we both take our nap we can get up and start having our normal heart to heart conversations again and i can drop the unibomber off somewhere and not worry about him anymore.
here is an example of an animal i have always not been very fond of- the peacock. something about a proud pretty bird makes me worried. also, when the male bird gets to be more esthetically pleasing than the female, well that is bullshit- since we are the egg layers across the board. stick your pretty feathers up your mother fucking ass- i think that's how it works anyway- i cant remember and i hate birds anyway. they shit all over shit. my mom always tagged me liking birds. but nope, i never did really. someday i would like to have a foul mouth talking parrot though. one that says all the words said back and forth between the unibomber and i all day long. words like; fuck, ass, ass fucker, dildo, dick, dick breath, dick cheese, dick face, dick nose, dickless in decatur, fucker fuck, ass fuck, fuck my ass, ass twat, fuck me in my ass twat, suck my dick, stfu ass twat, ima fuck you in your ass ass twat, shit, shit for brains, shit dick, dick head, headless dick, shit face dick, retarded fuck, pussy fucker, i fucking love you mother fucker, you're a whore, and my favorite- dick cheese. i figure when i got tired of it running its' fat pointed beak- i would just catch my parrot and stuff him back in his cage and cover it with a big green army blanket and shut him down for a while. that way after we both take our nap we can get up and start having our normal heart to heart conversations again and i can drop the unibomber off somewhere and not worry about him anymore.
coconut head
dear sweet head on my pillow case diary,
i am looking forward to biscuits and sausage in the morning- with some orange marmalade. i miss jelly. i haven't had any in so long. i wish i knew how to fuck around and make jams and jellies. i just haven't had the exposure to the extra fruit yet. but i will someday. we always had apples when i was a kid- but i was a kid when i was a kid- back then. so i just ate apples mostly- and threw them at stuff and gave them away. my uncle troy made things out of apples- he dried up the apples and made heads for people. then he made clothes for the people and accessories like canes and buckets for them to hold- and bonnets for the lady apple heads and hats for the dude heads. tomorrow i'll take a picture of the two apple people i have that uncle troy's daughter gave my mom and my dad let me have finally, after years of begging, and i'll post it on here. i dunno why i never have yet- taken a picture of the apple people before- they've been in the carson pirie scott box for years. i should get them out to get some air.
i am looking forward to biscuits and sausage in the morning- with some orange marmalade. i miss jelly. i haven't had any in so long. i wish i knew how to fuck around and make jams and jellies. i just haven't had the exposure to the extra fruit yet. but i will someday. we always had apples when i was a kid- but i was a kid when i was a kid- back then. so i just ate apples mostly- and threw them at stuff and gave them away. my uncle troy made things out of apples- he dried up the apples and made heads for people. then he made clothes for the people and accessories like canes and buckets for them to hold- and bonnets for the lady apple heads and hats for the dude heads. tomorrow i'll take a picture of the two apple people i have that uncle troy's daughter gave my mom and my dad let me have finally, after years of begging, and i'll post it on here. i dunno why i never have yet- taken a picture of the apple people before- they've been in the carson pirie scott box for years. i should get them out to get some air.
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| not creepy |
hairy bacon or dominos
dear who you with diary,
don't be rattled and tuck in your sweatshirt. oh fuck. you got one. you're up. rat bastard. you're back. you never left. you've been all cooped up. are you cold? i'll get a blanket. do you always keep your keys with you? dammit. dang it. you always throw me off. she never relaxes. which is priceless. hey. hello. pull up on it. good girl. oh man. hey. what's up. we got a game goin. i don't understand. i missed something. people like that. i didn't ask. true or false? everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie. he said last night he was back there snoopin and wanted to sleep for an hour. we got our pony- let's just ride it. that's what i told myself. ima spout off. what is this? prolly tea. i just get out of the way when i stand up for myself. she sees me and i got to be a witness. be honest or dishonest. shady or fun. does he know yet? we offered a deal and told them and he didn't understand and they said no and neither of them took it. common sense and experience isn't enough in a green situation.
don't be rattled and tuck in your sweatshirt. oh fuck. you got one. you're up. rat bastard. you're back. you never left. you've been all cooped up. are you cold? i'll get a blanket. do you always keep your keys with you? dammit. dang it. you always throw me off. she never relaxes. which is priceless. hey. hello. pull up on it. good girl. oh man. hey. what's up. we got a game goin. i don't understand. i missed something. people like that. i didn't ask. true or false? everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie. he said last night he was back there snoopin and wanted to sleep for an hour. we got our pony- let's just ride it. that's what i told myself. ima spout off. what is this? prolly tea. i just get out of the way when i stand up for myself. she sees me and i got to be a witness. be honest or dishonest. shady or fun. does he know yet? we offered a deal and told them and he didn't understand and they said no and neither of them took it. common sense and experience isn't enough in a green situation.
one marlboro left
dear for thirty seconds diary,
if you sit back and look at it, when will you be able to see the rest of the picture? i've seen it for quite some time now, but some people refuse to open the mini-blind and look outside. honestly the more i think about it- that one thing i'd rather have- is curtains. i like the old pull down shades that darken the room, but i can never fuckin get them to roll back up right. then i get all pissed off and then they break. they don't make them like they used to and once them fuckers been in a window for "x" amount of years- they fall afuckingpart anyway, the brittle mother fuckers, so i don't use them anymore. but i do miss them. another thing i really miss is the metal mini-blinds with the cloth and string pulls. every window in my old house had those and i shoulda took them bitches when i left is what i shoulda done. ripping a page from the memory book will do no good if the page just falls out when you go to start tearing. scotch tape can help repair a page of a book, but not the whole spine. just sayin.
if you sit back and look at it, when will you be able to see the rest of the picture? i've seen it for quite some time now, but some people refuse to open the mini-blind and look outside. honestly the more i think about it- that one thing i'd rather have- is curtains. i like the old pull down shades that darken the room, but i can never fuckin get them to roll back up right. then i get all pissed off and then they break. they don't make them like they used to and once them fuckers been in a window for "x" amount of years- they fall afuckingpart anyway, the brittle mother fuckers, so i don't use them anymore. but i do miss them. another thing i really miss is the metal mini-blinds with the cloth and string pulls. every window in my old house had those and i shoulda took them bitches when i left is what i shoulda done. ripping a page from the memory book will do no good if the page just falls out when you go to start tearing. scotch tape can help repair a page of a book, but not the whole spine. just sayin.
July 15, 2011
fletcher and oakes and hall and oates
dear that is really weird diary,
someone is fucking obsessed with my I HATE BEER post and i dunno why. i came home to six spam comments on it- but i went ahead and published them because i couldn't help it. maybe they'll help solve a crime later. an update to that post, i still hate beer. i haven't had anything to drink. i hate the feel of alcohol behind my eye balls. so you'll still have to slice my neck open and pour it down my throat if you want me to drink the shit- i do not like it. i have to like what goes in my mouth or i cant get it in there- it wont go in. no matter how hard i try- i cant get it in there and if for some reason it does get in there- it wont stay. ima horrible drunk. i just never could get into it. they quit making the kind of drink i would drink. fletcher and oakes wine coolers were the BOMB..... summer 1988......
someone is fucking obsessed with my I HATE BEER post and i dunno why. i came home to six spam comments on it- but i went ahead and published them because i couldn't help it. maybe they'll help solve a crime later. an update to that post, i still hate beer. i haven't had anything to drink. i hate the feel of alcohol behind my eye balls. so you'll still have to slice my neck open and pour it down my throat if you want me to drink the shit- i do not like it. i have to like what goes in my mouth or i cant get it in there- it wont go in. no matter how hard i try- i cant get it in there and if for some reason it does get in there- it wont stay. ima horrible drunk. i just never could get into it. they quit making the kind of drink i would drink. fletcher and oakes wine coolers were the BOMB..... summer 1988......
the continental divide
dear it tickles me diary,
it really does please me to do my pickles. way down deep to my twat almost- the continental divide. i looked at jars on the internet today and i think next year i will get some fancy dancy hexagon jars to put my shit in. i'll never sell my pickles. i just like to look at them, eat them, and give them away. in the past i used to be scared to give them to people in case they didn't like them- or they weren't any good- but the people i have given them to always ask for more and nobody ever gave any back. the world does not revolve around sweet chunk pickles, but it would be alright with me if it did. you gotta have a taste for them- that's for sure. i especially like them on pork tenderloins and chicken sandwiches. yeah buddy.
it really does please me to do my pickles. way down deep to my twat almost- the continental divide. i looked at jars on the internet today and i think next year i will get some fancy dancy hexagon jars to put my shit in. i'll never sell my pickles. i just like to look at them, eat them, and give them away. in the past i used to be scared to give them to people in case they didn't like them- or they weren't any good- but the people i have given them to always ask for more and nobody ever gave any back. the world does not revolve around sweet chunk pickles, but it would be alright with me if it did. you gotta have a taste for them- that's for sure. i especially like them on pork tenderloins and chicken sandwiches. yeah buddy.
reverting to faster food
dear i think safely diary,
getting the grump a new senior kong with ziggys was the best get well present money couldn't buy. and becky, well becky, becky loves her new squeaker toy and her old kong with a ziggy stuffed inside it. she cant sit still and acts like her ass is on something hot every time it lands on the surface of something. she keeps coming to say, "thank you," and then she leaves to go play again. being out of dog food is hard core around here- these dogs will stalk you for food and we ain't been out for two hours. somehow they know when i use the big green bag for trash- in the next dog year or so- they'll start in on the stalking routine. sometimes i pull a fast one and have a second bag in the wings waiting, but not this time- they already ate that bag. i have pigs for dogs- spoiled rotten pig dogs. i saw that last bowl get woofed down this morning and flew out ASAP on this here safety day to get more.
getting the grump a new senior kong with ziggys was the best get well present money couldn't buy. and becky, well becky, becky loves her new squeaker toy and her old kong with a ziggy stuffed inside it. she cant sit still and acts like her ass is on something hot every time it lands on the surface of something. she keeps coming to say, "thank you," and then she leaves to go play again. being out of dog food is hard core around here- these dogs will stalk you for food and we ain't been out for two hours. somehow they know when i use the big green bag for trash- in the next dog year or so- they'll start in on the stalking routine. sometimes i pull a fast one and have a second bag in the wings waiting, but not this time- they already ate that bag. i have pigs for dogs- spoiled rotten pig dogs. i saw that last bowl get woofed down this morning and flew out ASAP on this here safety day to get more.
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| window sleepin waiting for meals on wheels |
carpet tape and package glue
dear every little thing diary,
once i knew i was there, i was golden. i didn't even think about going any further. how low would you go? i can scrape the ground if i need to, but i rarely ever do. i got battle scars. i am ready for the war. i used to wait for the moving van to come and now i know i will be the one to call them when i am ready. i'm waiting for something- be it the weather, the bus, a map, a plan- but i'll take the magic carpet ride. i thought about that earlier tonight. i'd sure like to paint my nails and take flight. taking the easy way out would have been nice, but then i would always in the back of my mind have thought twice.
once i knew i was there, i was golden. i didn't even think about going any further. how low would you go? i can scrape the ground if i need to, but i rarely ever do. i got battle scars. i am ready for the war. i used to wait for the moving van to come and now i know i will be the one to call them when i am ready. i'm waiting for something- be it the weather, the bus, a map, a plan- but i'll take the magic carpet ride. i thought about that earlier tonight. i'd sure like to paint my nails and take flight. taking the easy way out would have been nice, but then i would always in the back of my mind have thought twice.
sandals suck (unless you got socks)
dear hard to think diary,
when i don't have socks on, it is hard for me to think. i cant keep the thoughts straight in my head. oh every once in a while the thoughts will untangle and i can make sense of things- when my socks are off- but when i need to do any heavy thinking, i ALWAYS put my socks on. plus, i like socks. plus, my feet get cold. plus, i have skinny ankles and i need the padding of the sock to make my leg look thicker- down there- in the ankle region. so. i always have clean socks around my house. i use socks for many other things too, like a camera bag- because i like to keep my camera scratch free. i use a sock to keep my eyeliner and contacts separated in my purse on road trips. sometimes i spray a sock with pledge and dust with an old sock. sometimes i get the snake out with sock mitted hands- if i think ima get bit. but sometimes when i'm not thinking as hard as i should be- i'll put two pairs of socks on and i can concentrate so much better.... on things.
when i don't have socks on, it is hard for me to think. i cant keep the thoughts straight in my head. oh every once in a while the thoughts will untangle and i can make sense of things- when my socks are off- but when i need to do any heavy thinking, i ALWAYS put my socks on. plus, i like socks. plus, my feet get cold. plus, i have skinny ankles and i need the padding of the sock to make my leg look thicker- down there- in the ankle region. so. i always have clean socks around my house. i use socks for many other things too, like a camera bag- because i like to keep my camera scratch free. i use a sock to keep my eyeliner and contacts separated in my purse on road trips. sometimes i spray a sock with pledge and dust with an old sock. sometimes i get the snake out with sock mitted hands- if i think ima get bit. but sometimes when i'm not thinking as hard as i should be- i'll put two pairs of socks on and i can concentrate so much better.... on things.
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| first gear prolly |
July 14, 2011
a hole where the penis was
dear from a blanket to a sheet diary,
i just washed my poor blanket- in hot water- on regular cycle- with color bleach instead of chlorine. i'm sure it'll be the last time it sees water. i had to try and wash it though, it smelled like dog. it is almost ripped through to the other side now- but i dunno which side. does it even matter? the hole is so big in the middle now and it wasn't that long ago- the hole wasn't there at all. i mean the stuffing has been gone for a minute, but a whole hole? no. i cant believe that lady cut her husband's penis off again. didn't someone already do that like in january 1994? lorena bobbit. this new bitch put it in the garbage disposal though. that's just wrong on about forty one levels. in the garbage disposal? why not the compost pile? the recycle bin? the dynamics of the garbage disposal and the journey from the pants to the sink to the switch- i cant get my head around. but i don't have to. it ain't my problem. people hold on to pain in many different ways and some people just cant let go. my blanket made it through the wash- one more time- i cant help but to think of that woman out there who isn't cutting her husband's penis off tonight. "good job," i want to tell that woman, "but if you do end up doing it, just throw it in the dishwasher."
i just washed my poor blanket- in hot water- on regular cycle- with color bleach instead of chlorine. i'm sure it'll be the last time it sees water. i had to try and wash it though, it smelled like dog. it is almost ripped through to the other side now- but i dunno which side. does it even matter? the hole is so big in the middle now and it wasn't that long ago- the hole wasn't there at all. i mean the stuffing has been gone for a minute, but a whole hole? no. i cant believe that lady cut her husband's penis off again. didn't someone already do that like in january 1994? lorena bobbit. this new bitch put it in the garbage disposal though. that's just wrong on about forty one levels. in the garbage disposal? why not the compost pile? the recycle bin? the dynamics of the garbage disposal and the journey from the pants to the sink to the switch- i cant get my head around. but i don't have to. it ain't my problem. people hold on to pain in many different ways and some people just cant let go. my blanket made it through the wash- one more time- i cant help but to think of that woman out there who isn't cutting her husband's penis off tonight. "good job," i want to tell that woman, "but if you do end up doing it, just throw it in the dishwasher."
catsup & pickles & hold the mustard retard
dear soaking pickles diary,
now that my pickles are all cut and soaking in alum bath in their crock, i can rest. i cut some of them differently this time. some i cut thin. some i cut in chunks. i plan to pack them in canning pint jars accordingly. i find myself always cutting the chunks into thinner slices for sandwiches and shit- so i figured i'd make some thinner ones this time. i'm catching on. they're gunna be good as fuck. i don't want to be one of those old people who can jars of food and keep them in the basement, but i don't know where else to keep them. it'll sure be a treat to have them all done before the tomatoes are ready to start the catsup. i sure hope i get to make catsup this year. ima bout out.
now that my pickles are all cut and soaking in alum bath in their crock, i can rest. i cut some of them differently this time. some i cut thin. some i cut in chunks. i plan to pack them in canning pint jars accordingly. i find myself always cutting the chunks into thinner slices for sandwiches and shit- so i figured i'd make some thinner ones this time. i'm catching on. they're gunna be good as fuck. i don't want to be one of those old people who can jars of food and keep them in the basement, but i don't know where else to keep them. it'll sure be a treat to have them all done before the tomatoes are ready to start the catsup. i sure hope i get to make catsup this year. ima bout out.
147 my heart
dear i bought a new couch today diary,
it was 1994. i wish i still had that couch too. i really do. it took such good pictures. you prolly wonder how i can remember how on earth i can come up with the dates on this shit, but trust me, i can explain that. on july 14, 1994, i was so fucking pregnant it wasn't even funny. but from the back- you couldn't tell AT ALL. i was all baby- just a huge round ball in front. i helped the men from the store bring the couch in while the unibomber stood and watched. then i moved it all around the livingroom after they left because it was my first new couch and it had to be perfect. then i turned the cushions upside down and put a blanket over it and we never even sat on the actual new couch for the next five years. same way with the new car too by the way, i put new car seat covers on the seats in there and while the car is now rusting apart eleven years later- the seats are brand new- haven't sat on them yet either. so when harry was born soon after the couch purchase and he weighed 7 pounds and 14 ounces- i automatically thought of the couch and the day we bought it. especially when he came at 1:47 in the afternoon during one life to live.
it was 1994. i wish i still had that couch too. i really do. it took such good pictures. you prolly wonder how i can remember how on earth i can come up with the dates on this shit, but trust me, i can explain that. on july 14, 1994, i was so fucking pregnant it wasn't even funny. but from the back- you couldn't tell AT ALL. i was all baby- just a huge round ball in front. i helped the men from the store bring the couch in while the unibomber stood and watched. then i moved it all around the livingroom after they left because it was my first new couch and it had to be perfect. then i turned the cushions upside down and put a blanket over it and we never even sat on the actual new couch for the next five years. same way with the new car too by the way, i put new car seat covers on the seats in there and while the car is now rusting apart eleven years later- the seats are brand new- haven't sat on them yet either. so when harry was born soon after the couch purchase and he weighed 7 pounds and 14 ounces- i automatically thought of the couch and the day we bought it. especially when he came at 1:47 in the afternoon during one life to live.
the professional assfucker
dear you know what would suck diary,
i just realized it would definitely suck to read the diary of the bitch who loved my man. it's one thing to know my man has a big dick or a little dick or if he fucks good or if he can eat some pussy like who done it, but to love that mother fucker in his soul, oh fuck all that. everybody knows the unibomber can fuck all day long. he shoulda been a porn star and i have told that man that since the day i met him. he fucks like a machine. if you want a piece of ass all you gotta do is tap that bitch on his shoulder about three times and he'll take his pants off and by the time you get your shorts off- he is ready. it's all right there where you need it and don't expect no fancy shit- steak and potatoes- every time. that's all that's on the menu though. iffin you want to cuddle or kiss, neck or talk or make wishes or walk or hold hands or laugh or play or roll around, jump up and down, chase each other around, admire the lips or lick someones hips- you may want to read a different diary then.
i just realized it would definitely suck to read the diary of the bitch who loved my man. it's one thing to know my man has a big dick or a little dick or if he fucks good or if he can eat some pussy like who done it, but to love that mother fucker in his soul, oh fuck all that. everybody knows the unibomber can fuck all day long. he shoulda been a porn star and i have told that man that since the day i met him. he fucks like a machine. if you want a piece of ass all you gotta do is tap that bitch on his shoulder about three times and he'll take his pants off and by the time you get your shorts off- he is ready. it's all right there where you need it and don't expect no fancy shit- steak and potatoes- every time. that's all that's on the menu though. iffin you want to cuddle or kiss, neck or talk or make wishes or walk or hold hands or laugh or play or roll around, jump up and down, chase each other around, admire the lips or lick someones hips- you may want to read a different diary then.
lights out DANCE DANCE DANCE
dear a year ago today diary,
i had an interesting day a year ago today. i fucking passed out over at my friend's house. it was stupid how it all happened. then what happened tomorrow made it worse, but that was tomorrow and tomorrow wasn't even technically even there yet, so dealing with today's events was bad enough- last year. it happened the way it usually does- completely by surprise. the curtain came crashing down. it kinda seemed like i may have knew it was coming though- even if it was only for a milli-second. trying to describe the warning i had, believe it or not, is coming easier 365 days later than it did the day it happened. the world became cloudy and muffled and then went quiet and very bright and all at once it got super loud and pitch dark at the same time and then everything was blank for what seemed like forever and ever and ever. when my eyes did open- i still couldn't move and had no idea where i was at or who was looking at me. but two minutes later i was normal again and wondering how long that shit lasted. then for the next few days there is always the chance of an 'aftershock,' so walking around on eggshells is always fun around the unibomber, especially during the middle of a court case where i am being persecuted for being nothing short of a standard whore. but what a whore i am. damn.
i had an interesting day a year ago today. i fucking passed out over at my friend's house. it was stupid how it all happened. then what happened tomorrow made it worse, but that was tomorrow and tomorrow wasn't even technically even there yet, so dealing with today's events was bad enough- last year. it happened the way it usually does- completely by surprise. the curtain came crashing down. it kinda seemed like i may have knew it was coming though- even if it was only for a milli-second. trying to describe the warning i had, believe it or not, is coming easier 365 days later than it did the day it happened. the world became cloudy and muffled and then went quiet and very bright and all at once it got super loud and pitch dark at the same time and then everything was blank for what seemed like forever and ever and ever. when my eyes did open- i still couldn't move and had no idea where i was at or who was looking at me. but two minutes later i was normal again and wondering how long that shit lasted. then for the next few days there is always the chance of an 'aftershock,' so walking around on eggshells is always fun around the unibomber, especially during the middle of a court case where i am being persecuted for being nothing short of a standard whore. but what a whore i am. damn.
a dipped cookie stays fresher longer
dear keebler cookies diary,
i should call the cookie man today since i had a dream about him last night. he bought me a lottery ticket, one of those really stupid complicated scratch off kind, and for some reason i got all fucked up on it and ended up scratching it off all wrong and i got all upset and flustered and keebler snatched it from me and put it in his lotto machine and checked it at it was a big winner. i split it with him and somehow we were to split- thirteen fifty dollar bills, one twenty, one ten, and three ones.keebler could just have $341 or i'd have to get change prolly. used to be- whenever keebler would call me or stop by my house out of the blue, i would get a run of good luck. with today being my favorite day and all, i wouldn't mind if that happened again. but that means i'd have to get up and leave the house at some point today and i dunno if i'm ready. i suppose i could get ready.
i should call the cookie man today since i had a dream about him last night. he bought me a lottery ticket, one of those really stupid complicated scratch off kind, and for some reason i got all fucked up on it and ended up scratching it off all wrong and i got all upset and flustered and keebler snatched it from me and put it in his lotto machine and checked it at it was a big winner. i split it with him and somehow we were to split- thirteen fifty dollar bills, one twenty, one ten, and three ones.keebler could just have $341 or i'd have to get change prolly. used to be- whenever keebler would call me or stop by my house out of the blue, i would get a run of good luck. with today being my favorite day and all, i wouldn't mind if that happened again. but that means i'd have to get up and leave the house at some point today and i dunno if i'm ready. i suppose i could get ready.
social conditioning
dear the blind man diary,
seeing a blind man drop all of his money would be a dream come true for someone, but in my dream, i squeezed through the line and picked all of the man's money up and gave every single dollar back to him- without knowing he was blind until AFTER i had done the good deed. i heard angels singing above my head in chorus- just like in the movies- only it was still in my dream. then i ran into dude a few days later and his friend and i asked him if he got all his money straightened up from the other day at the store and if it was all there and his friend came up to me and told me he was still missing a good portion of it. oh i was just sick as hell about the whole deal because i was positive i'd picked up every single bill. i started crying for the blind man. i felt really fucking guilty and wished i'd never helped the man in the first place.
seeing a blind man drop all of his money would be a dream come true for someone, but in my dream, i squeezed through the line and picked all of the man's money up and gave every single dollar back to him- without knowing he was blind until AFTER i had done the good deed. i heard angels singing above my head in chorus- just like in the movies- only it was still in my dream. then i ran into dude a few days later and his friend and i asked him if he got all his money straightened up from the other day at the store and if it was all there and his friend came up to me and told me he was still missing a good portion of it. oh i was just sick as hell about the whole deal because i was positive i'd picked up every single bill. i started crying for the blind man. i felt really fucking guilty and wished i'd never helped the man in the first place.
July 13, 2011
holding my breath
dear on a boat diary,
when i think about being on a boat my neck always gets all sweaty and wet just thinking about wearing the life jacket. i'm not big on jackets, but i cant swim very well- i have boobs. i float well. but i ain't gunna float if i'm holding becky and if i am out on a boat she will be with me- so... if we are life vesting becky needs one too. fuck i love her. she just got done necking me and that's why i would never leave home without her. on a boat is where people fall in the water and get eatin up by huge sharks and have tv shows done about them. "well, the last time anyone heard from billy and karen- was the distress call heard by the coast guard and when they found the tiny vessel- it was abandoned." aww. the poor sea sailors. at least they aren't alone. when i was growing up, one of my favorite bands was the police, SHOUT OUT STING! and one of my favorite songs was, message in a bottle-
when i think about being on a boat my neck always gets all sweaty and wet just thinking about wearing the life jacket. i'm not big on jackets, but i cant swim very well- i have boobs. i float well. but i ain't gunna float if i'm holding becky and if i am out on a boat she will be with me- so... if we are life vesting becky needs one too. fuck i love her. she just got done necking me and that's why i would never leave home without her. on a boat is where people fall in the water and get eatin up by huge sharks and have tv shows done about them. "well, the last time anyone heard from billy and karen- was the distress call heard by the coast guard and when they found the tiny vessel- it was abandoned." aww. the poor sea sailors. at least they aren't alone. when i was growing up, one of my favorite bands was the police, SHOUT OUT STING! and one of my favorite songs was, message in a bottle-
Just a castaway
An island lost at sea
Another lonely day
With no one here but me
More loneliness
Than any man could bear
Rescue me before I fall into despair
A year has passed since I wrote my note
But I should have known this right from the start
Only hope can keep me together
Love can mend your life
But love can break your heart
Walked out this morning
Don't believe what I saw
A hundred billion bottles
Washed up on the shore
Seems I'm not alone at being alone
A hundred billion castaways
Looking for a home
An island lost at sea
Another lonely day
With no one here but me
More loneliness
Than any man could bear
Rescue me before I fall into despair
A year has passed since I wrote my note
But I should have known this right from the start
Only hope can keep me together
Love can mend your life
But love can break your heart
Walked out this morning
Don't believe what I saw
A hundred billion bottles
Washed up on the shore
Seems I'm not alone at being alone
A hundred billion castaways
Looking for a home
dog and pony shoes
dear last thing on my mind diary,
i had no intention of eating five peaches in a row. i just couldn't stop though. one after the other i kept peeling the peaches and putting them in my mouth. i was in a peach trance. then i looked down and saw the five seeds sitting there. now i'm full. i've had corn and peaches today, t-bone steak and chicken fajitas. oink oink. this is what i live for- a full belly and snuggly ugly dogs. now if anybody needs me- i'll be watching jay leno- only because i dunno where the remote is to turn it.
i had no intention of eating five peaches in a row. i just couldn't stop though. one after the other i kept peeling the peaches and putting them in my mouth. i was in a peach trance. then i looked down and saw the five seeds sitting there. now i'm full. i've had corn and peaches today, t-bone steak and chicken fajitas. oink oink. this is what i live for- a full belly and snuggly ugly dogs. now if anybody needs me- i'll be watching jay leno- only because i dunno where the remote is to turn it.
overheated grunting causes trauma to the eye
dear under my bed diary,
i feel like sweeping under my bed. isn't that funny? that i'd want to do this at ten at night? omg i need slapped in the eye with a BIG hard dick. then i would prolly want to do something else for a couple of hours. but knowing myself as well as i do- i figure if i start under there tonight- i'll have to finish tonight and then i'll be stuck doing it until i am done. i want to paint the walls up in here too, but i damn sure know i ain't starting that shit. hail no. it seems like we all had a fairly decent day around here- no tears- no trauma. i got the french fry oil changed out finally and ima brush my teeth after bit and eat some more peaches before they get all mushy. the grump had himself a t-bone for a snack. i left a bunch of meat on it for him and he ate the fucker up. he made the little pig noises while he ate the bone so i know he really enjoyed it. he's gunna pull through i believe. he still ain't back to 100%, but if he'll grunt after a t-bone, well- he ain't thinking about dying anymore and that's all i care about. we think he might have just got overheated on a 5 minute trip outside to the bathroom. he doesn't like to be in the elements. he is a bed dog- like me.
i feel like sweeping under my bed. isn't that funny? that i'd want to do this at ten at night? omg i need slapped in the eye with a BIG hard dick. then i would prolly want to do something else for a couple of hours. but knowing myself as well as i do- i figure if i start under there tonight- i'll have to finish tonight and then i'll be stuck doing it until i am done. i want to paint the walls up in here too, but i damn sure know i ain't starting that shit. hail no. it seems like we all had a fairly decent day around here- no tears- no trauma. i got the french fry oil changed out finally and ima brush my teeth after bit and eat some more peaches before they get all mushy. the grump had himself a t-bone for a snack. i left a bunch of meat on it for him and he ate the fucker up. he made the little pig noises while he ate the bone so i know he really enjoyed it. he's gunna pull through i believe. he still ain't back to 100%, but if he'll grunt after a t-bone, well- he ain't thinking about dying anymore and that's all i care about. we think he might have just got overheated on a 5 minute trip outside to the bathroom. he doesn't like to be in the elements. he is a bed dog- like me.
here she is- blowing bubbles
dear my little girl diary,
if i could make this any bigger, i prolly would.
if i could make this any bigger, i prolly would.
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| so beautiful already |
USDA PRIME TWAT
dear screams inside my head diary,
can you hear anything? or is it just inside my head? it could be, but i hear it loud and clear. i cant tell you when it all started, but i can tell you it has got to quiet down. i'm not angry anymore, like that's really gunna do any good. i'm more disappointed in how far i let things go before i did something about all that. hush now. i'll dry my own eyes. there is no reason to sort through anymore lies. my mind will quiet sooner or later. time will pass and the less i will hate her. SHOUT OUT CUNTFACE! the premiere air in down near my vagina is strong like the wall in china. ima take a bath.
can you hear anything? or is it just inside my head? it could be, but i hear it loud and clear. i cant tell you when it all started, but i can tell you it has got to quiet down. i'm not angry anymore, like that's really gunna do any good. i'm more disappointed in how far i let things go before i did something about all that. hush now. i'll dry my own eyes. there is no reason to sort through anymore lies. my mind will quiet sooner or later. time will pass and the less i will hate her. SHOUT OUT CUNTFACE! the premiere air in down near my vagina is strong like the wall in china. ima take a bath.
he was a farmer too (and had a pipe)
dear little bo peep diary,
how do you fuck around and lose your sheep? how do you do that? mary had a little lamb and she didn't lose it? what was little bo peep doin that distracted her from watching her gang of sheep? or did mary just have a compliant lamb that always followed her to school and everywhere else? i bet little bo peep was a pot head. she had to be. who else would have sheep as pets. my uncle oliver raised sheep. his birthday is tomorrow. he built his house with mud from the creek and that bitch still stands and sold for a chunk of change you wouldn't believe if i wrote it down here. the barn where where sheep stayed is conveniently situated in the back of the property and the rolling hills back to the creek and tree line and cemetery on his lot. uncle oliver always said that fenced off tiny cemetery back there never bothered him, but it bothered my aunt donna and it bothered me too. it's just creepy- i thought- to have dead people in your yard- even if they are fenced in.
how do you fuck around and lose your sheep? how do you do that? mary had a little lamb and she didn't lose it? what was little bo peep doin that distracted her from watching her gang of sheep? or did mary just have a compliant lamb that always followed her to school and everywhere else? i bet little bo peep was a pot head. she had to be. who else would have sheep as pets. my uncle oliver raised sheep. his birthday is tomorrow. he built his house with mud from the creek and that bitch still stands and sold for a chunk of change you wouldn't believe if i wrote it down here. the barn where where sheep stayed is conveniently situated in the back of the property and the rolling hills back to the creek and tree line and cemetery on his lot. uncle oliver always said that fenced off tiny cemetery back there never bothered him, but it bothered my aunt donna and it bothered me too. it's just creepy- i thought- to have dead people in your yard- even if they are fenced in.
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| never lost his sheep |
between the walls is not always sound
dear yawning for quarters diary,
spider web therapy- something i need to sign up for. i hate spiders and their sticky webs. i try and duck when i see one but sometimes you cant. you cant miss them all. they are everywhere too, i even found a tiny spider in my bed the other day. i fried him with my lighter because that is how i like to kill bugs when i can. some bugs pop when they die- like corn. i just woke up and walked right through a web. a web i know was not there before i went to sleep. things can change pretty fast. that is why i never try and get really comfortable with things.
spider web therapy- something i need to sign up for. i hate spiders and their sticky webs. i try and duck when i see one but sometimes you cant. you cant miss them all. they are everywhere too, i even found a tiny spider in my bed the other day. i fried him with my lighter because that is how i like to kill bugs when i can. some bugs pop when they die- like corn. i just woke up and walked right through a web. a web i know was not there before i went to sleep. things can change pretty fast. that is why i never try and get really comfortable with things.
another little whore
dear finally diary,
i went around saying, "i want a boy i want a boy i want a boy..." so the great pretender out there would hear me and play the same old trick he always plays on me and give me what he thinks i don't want... a girl. for once i sat back and just let shit happen the way it happened and it happened. I'M GETTIN A GIRL! gettin a girl. ima get a girl you guys. i never thought it would happen. my dad, will get to be a great grandfather to a baby girl. my dad is such a gentle man and so good with babies. i cant wait to see another infant in his arms- i always kind of get jealous that i cant fit in his arms like that anymore. a baby girl. a sweet baby girl. what more do you need?
i went around saying, "i want a boy i want a boy i want a boy..." so the great pretender out there would hear me and play the same old trick he always plays on me and give me what he thinks i don't want... a girl. for once i sat back and just let shit happen the way it happened and it happened. I'M GETTIN A GIRL! gettin a girl. ima get a girl you guys. i never thought it would happen. my dad, will get to be a great grandfather to a baby girl. my dad is such a gentle man and so good with babies. i cant wait to see another infant in his arms- i always kind of get jealous that i cant fit in his arms like that anymore. a baby girl. a sweet baby girl. what more do you need?
twenty seven twenty
dear in his eyes diary,
it sure is nice to look in his eyes and see his soul. i put lotion on his elbows and everything. ima hold him all day. he is sure soaking up the attention. mighty, my first love, (my grandma renamed him marty) he got hit by a car in october 1990- the month after we were married, his back driver's side leg got hurt- and he had a limp for a bit. i felt so bad. i would spend hours rubbing it in the bed. then he would go across the hall and get attention from fern, the lady who let me take a bath in her tub all the time. one day i forgot my razor and i wrapped up in a towel to dart back across the hall to get it and mighty limped as he followed me. i couldn't find it and it took a little longer than i'd expected and mighty went back and then i got a phone call. i laid on my bed in that towel and talked on the phone and when i got up- do you know what i saw? I SAW MIGHTY WALKING IN THE HALL AND HE WASN'T LIMPING AT ALL. but just as soon as mighty saw me... HE STARTED LIMPING. oh hail naw. oh hail naw. mighty was a smart dog for a dumbass. i don't know how he got to be that way either because i never read to him. i mean i had him since THE second he came out of mandy. he was number 3- the runt. born october 16, 1988 at 2720 north church street- he was covered in some green nasty shit and i loved him the moment he was born. he looked like a frog. he was all mine. i cleaned him off and i bottle fed him. he never nursed off of mandy. the unibomber took mandy and all her newborn pups but i stole mighty and went to the vet. i was determined to save that little pup from the drunken unibomber and i did. all the other pups died of PARVO. mine was the only one that lived.
it sure is nice to look in his eyes and see his soul. i put lotion on his elbows and everything. ima hold him all day. he is sure soaking up the attention. mighty, my first love, (my grandma renamed him marty) he got hit by a car in october 1990- the month after we were married, his back driver's side leg got hurt- and he had a limp for a bit. i felt so bad. i would spend hours rubbing it in the bed. then he would go across the hall and get attention from fern, the lady who let me take a bath in her tub all the time. one day i forgot my razor and i wrapped up in a towel to dart back across the hall to get it and mighty limped as he followed me. i couldn't find it and it took a little longer than i'd expected and mighty went back and then i got a phone call. i laid on my bed in that towel and talked on the phone and when i got up- do you know what i saw? I SAW MIGHTY WALKING IN THE HALL AND HE WASN'T LIMPING AT ALL. but just as soon as mighty saw me... HE STARTED LIMPING. oh hail naw. oh hail naw. mighty was a smart dog for a dumbass. i don't know how he got to be that way either because i never read to him. i mean i had him since THE second he came out of mandy. he was number 3- the runt. born october 16, 1988 at 2720 north church street- he was covered in some green nasty shit and i loved him the moment he was born. he looked like a frog. he was all mine. i cleaned him off and i bottle fed him. he never nursed off of mandy. the unibomber took mandy and all her newborn pups but i stole mighty and went to the vet. i was determined to save that little pup from the drunken unibomber and i did. all the other pups died of PARVO. mine was the only one that lived.
a new day
dear your wash is my command diary,
i'm surprised i haven't posted yet today. i must have went to bed earlier than i thought i did. it is hard to remember when you went to bed when you're in bed all day. my focus was on my dog. really. today, i think he will live. yesterday- not so much. the unibomber can talk me in to anything. hate is a strong word to describe the way i feel towards someone who can induce the level of stress this man can bring forth, but i don't feel bad using it to describe yesterday's ordeal. at least i am now mentally prepared for when it does happen, but did i need to cry all fucking day long and mentally dig his grave because my dog may of had a bellyache? maybe the grump will outlive the unibomber. wouldn't that be something to post about.
i'm surprised i haven't posted yet today. i must have went to bed earlier than i thought i did. it is hard to remember when you went to bed when you're in bed all day. my focus was on my dog. really. today, i think he will live. yesterday- not so much. the unibomber can talk me in to anything. hate is a strong word to describe the way i feel towards someone who can induce the level of stress this man can bring forth, but i don't feel bad using it to describe yesterday's ordeal. at least i am now mentally prepared for when it does happen, but did i need to cry all fucking day long and mentally dig his grave because my dog may of had a bellyache? maybe the grump will outlive the unibomber. wouldn't that be something to post about.
July 12, 2011
for sale OR rent
dear online dating diary,
tonight while i'm all but convinced my dog was laying on the floor half dead, i learned the newest thing in my friend's life is the 'online dating' thing. whoa.... big step back in the chair i was sitting in.... i couldn't imagine. business ain't so bad here, not so bad i need to beg for suitors. but still. filling out the form would be fun though, i would be willing to admit that- for sure. then submitting the application form and seeing what prospects they try and match you up with- that would be interesting- but to actually follow through with the process- no way. i suppose you would have an equal chance at making that love connection online as opposed to a rummage sale, when you think about it, but it's cheesy. i'll keep my sign in the yard.
tonight while i'm all but convinced my dog was laying on the floor half dead, i learned the newest thing in my friend's life is the 'online dating' thing. whoa.... big step back in the chair i was sitting in.... i couldn't imagine. business ain't so bad here, not so bad i need to beg for suitors. but still. filling out the form would be fun though, i would be willing to admit that- for sure. then submitting the application form and seeing what prospects they try and match you up with- that would be interesting- but to actually follow through with the process- no way. i suppose you would have an equal chance at making that love connection online as opposed to a rummage sale, when you think about it, but it's cheesy. i'll keep my sign in the yard.
circle the wagon
dear keep it in the house diary,
if you have a problem, keep it in the house. if you have garbage, put it in the trash. if you have a coat, hang it in the closet. if you see a snake- pick it up and sling it in the road. i dunno why anyone would want to move their problems around from home to home anyway. i love wet lips. big wet lips. full lips. lips i can tug on- chew on with my teeth. anyway- your problems- i don't want them. why would i? i don't hang my coat in the closet either. i fold it up and put it in a garbage bag. i only have one. it's red. i wore it once last year. cuntface saw me in my red coat and thought i worked at target. she called in and made a complaint about me. how do i know? i know the bitch that took the complaint. that was a funny day. my garbage went today- but i forgot to take some trash out. surprised? sling my big ass snake out in the road and you might be.
if you have a problem, keep it in the house. if you have garbage, put it in the trash. if you have a coat, hang it in the closet. if you see a snake- pick it up and sling it in the road. i dunno why anyone would want to move their problems around from home to home anyway. i love wet lips. big wet lips. full lips. lips i can tug on- chew on with my teeth. anyway- your problems- i don't want them. why would i? i don't hang my coat in the closet either. i fold it up and put it in a garbage bag. i only have one. it's red. i wore it once last year. cuntface saw me in my red coat and thought i worked at target. she called in and made a complaint about me. how do i know? i know the bitch that took the complaint. that was a funny day. my garbage went today- but i forgot to take some trash out. surprised? sling my big ass snake out in the road and you might be.
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| prime |
my rainy forecast
dear normal everyday life diary,
you know, what is normal anyway? i wish i knew. i've been waiting all this time to find out and just when i'd thought i'd figured it out- looks like shit is going to change again. change- and not the kind you can save for later either. i got rid of most of my change and i am starting over. the unibomber doesn't know it yet, but this time- i'm saving quarters too. fuck his quarter keeping ass. some change is good and some change is bad. saying goodbye to the grump- even just THINKING about saying goodbye to the grump makes my eyes swell up with tears and that lump beef up in my neck and i wanna fucking die myself. he has that look in his eye though. i've seen it before. while i haven't started digging the hole yet, we are going to the vet tomorrow. i noticed last week he was getting old. i pay close attention to my animals and i know them better than i know my own self.
you know, what is normal anyway? i wish i knew. i've been waiting all this time to find out and just when i'd thought i'd figured it out- looks like shit is going to change again. change- and not the kind you can save for later either. i got rid of most of my change and i am starting over. the unibomber doesn't know it yet, but this time- i'm saving quarters too. fuck his quarter keeping ass. some change is good and some change is bad. saying goodbye to the grump- even just THINKING about saying goodbye to the grump makes my eyes swell up with tears and that lump beef up in my neck and i wanna fucking die myself. he has that look in his eye though. i've seen it before. while i haven't started digging the hole yet, we are going to the vet tomorrow. i noticed last week he was getting old. i pay close attention to my animals and i know them better than i know my own self.
sleep now
dear when it does finally happen diary,
when you think about it, like i am now, you cant help but wonder where you'll be at when it does happen. i want to be holding him when he takes his final breath in this world, just like the unibomber got to do with mandy. in all honesty though, i don't think we are gunna have to go that route again, but if we did i would not hesitate one single moment. prolonging life, now there is a post we could go on for days about- years prolly- debating the pro's and con's of keeping things alive when they should be dead.
when you think about it, like i am now, you cant help but wonder where you'll be at when it does happen. i want to be holding him when he takes his final breath in this world, just like the unibomber got to do with mandy. in all honesty though, i don't think we are gunna have to go that route again, but if we did i would not hesitate one single moment. prolonging life, now there is a post we could go on for days about- years prolly- debating the pro's and con's of keeping things alive when they should be dead.
i hate your clock
dear look at your own clock diary,
i caught the unibomber looking at my clock this morning and i wanted to hit him. he has his own clock on his own side of the room using my electricity, i wanted to sit up in the bed and scream, "LOOK AT YOUR OWN CLOCK YOU BITCH ASS MOTHER FUCKER OR UNPLUG IT." i don't know where that clock came from and i hate things that strangely appear in my house. i hate people that plug shit in all the time. i have a plug in phobia. some people hate people that screw or nail shit to things, but that don't bother me a bit. pluggin in shit erks me to high hell. ima rise from my bed here and leave this place.
i caught the unibomber looking at my clock this morning and i wanted to hit him. he has his own clock on his own side of the room using my electricity, i wanted to sit up in the bed and scream, "LOOK AT YOUR OWN CLOCK YOU BITCH ASS MOTHER FUCKER OR UNPLUG IT." i don't know where that clock came from and i hate things that strangely appear in my house. i hate people that plug shit in all the time. i have a plug in phobia. some people hate people that screw or nail shit to things, but that don't bother me a bit. pluggin in shit erks me to high hell. ima rise from my bed here and leave this place.
fuck me- i ain't done yet
dear two fisted flosser diary,
when my kids were small i didn't have to chase them around to floss their teeth or take tylenol. my kids were weird like that. they loved to wear bandaids too. but then i saved all their bandaids for the baby book. i had to because the bandaids had their blood on them. duh. if my kids had ever been kidnapped- i could have provided blood samples, hair samples, teeth, skin, toenails, their belly buttons from birth, and prolly all sorts of other DNA samples i am unaware of. they both had photo ID cards taken before kindergarten and william got his first state photo issued ID card when he was eight and we just found it the other day. he certainly was a young studly looking thing on his mock drivers license. this baby gettin ready to come into our lives better not be afraid of flossing either- especially now that technology has made it to the dental floss. little william better let me floss them pearly pearls and get the chicken chunks out like his daddy did so he can grow up and have perfect teeth too. i know i at least done one thing right with them two boys- their teeth. every time we visit the dentist- i get a fucking sticker in my mommy book. hey wait. do i still get to take MY william to the dentist anymore? oh fuck. who will do that now? what about his teeth?
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when my kids were small i didn't have to chase them around to floss their teeth or take tylenol. my kids were weird like that. they loved to wear bandaids too. but then i saved all their bandaids for the baby book. i had to because the bandaids had their blood on them. duh. if my kids had ever been kidnapped- i could have provided blood samples, hair samples, teeth, skin, toenails, their belly buttons from birth, and prolly all sorts of other DNA samples i am unaware of. they both had photo ID cards taken before kindergarten and william got his first state photo issued ID card when he was eight and we just found it the other day. he certainly was a young studly looking thing on his mock drivers license. this baby gettin ready to come into our lives better not be afraid of flossing either- especially now that technology has made it to the dental floss. little william better let me floss them pearly pearls and get the chicken chunks out like his daddy did so he can grow up and have perfect teeth too. i know i at least done one thing right with them two boys- their teeth. every time we visit the dentist- i get a fucking sticker in my mommy book. hey wait. do i still get to take MY william to the dentist anymore? oh fuck. who will do that now? what about his teeth?
turn the sprinkler on
dear holding my pee diary,
if waking up ain't hard enough, holding my pee is harder. see- if i get up- then both the dogs will get up and then it is all over. maria came and left this morning. she did the kitchen and snuck back out the back. i left a post it note and told her to 'fuck' the livingroom- i was tired. now she is gone and my house is still trashed with a sparkling clean kitchen, which i haven't actually got to see yet, but i know it is because she sent me a text. becky slept in my arms the whole time she was here and never woke up once. i kinda helped out by turning all the fans on to drown out any clanks. ima about ready to piss myself- so i dunno how much longer i can stay in bed, but sitting on my heel is helping- as long as i don't squirm. i wish the mail lady would bring my mail to my window. man that would be nice. today it would have anyway. i'd love to be reading the mail right now without getting up. ima have to get up. i cant take it anymore.
if waking up ain't hard enough, holding my pee is harder. see- if i get up- then both the dogs will get up and then it is all over. maria came and left this morning. she did the kitchen and snuck back out the back. i left a post it note and told her to 'fuck' the livingroom- i was tired. now she is gone and my house is still trashed with a sparkling clean kitchen, which i haven't actually got to see yet, but i know it is because she sent me a text. becky slept in my arms the whole time she was here and never woke up once. i kinda helped out by turning all the fans on to drown out any clanks. ima about ready to piss myself- so i dunno how much longer i can stay in bed, but sitting on my heel is helping- as long as i don't squirm. i wish the mail lady would bring my mail to my window. man that would be nice. today it would have anyway. i'd love to be reading the mail right now without getting up. ima have to get up. i cant take it anymore.
not really news (is it??)
dear for a second diary,
i'm up, but just for a tiny second. i had to unlock the door for maria. i am already back in bed, but youns prolly could already tell by the way i am typing and all that. my words come out differently in bed- i think. if i were at work today- and i know some of you are- i would try really hard to perform well at my job- even though i know no matter what i do my union would help me retain my job. i saw on the news last night where two other city workers in our town were ACTUALLY FIRED (kudos to our city who will hire a porn star) but got to COME BACK TO THEIR POSITIONS because of the unions ONE IS A WIFE BEATER AND THE OTHER CALLED THE JURY (who was chosen from the city he patrols) WHO WOULDN'T CONVICT A MAN, "RETARDS." so... now my house cant burn down AND i cant call the police. what a deal.
i'm up, but just for a tiny second. i had to unlock the door for maria. i am already back in bed, but youns prolly could already tell by the way i am typing and all that. my words come out differently in bed- i think. if i were at work today- and i know some of you are- i would try really hard to perform well at my job- even though i know no matter what i do my union would help me retain my job. i saw on the news last night where two other city workers in our town were ACTUALLY FIRED (kudos to our city who will hire a porn star) but got to COME BACK TO THEIR POSITIONS because of the unions ONE IS A WIFE BEATER AND THE OTHER CALLED THE JURY (who was chosen from the city he patrols) WHO WOULDN'T CONVICT A MAN, "RETARDS." so... now my house cant burn down AND i cant call the police. what a deal.
fox went off the air (like the evening paper)
dear the night train diary,
when we used to get the morning paper and the evening paper- i always liked it because there was something about the ritual of mom reading the morning paper and dad reading the evening paper that seemed to make the day complete. if either one of them missed their paper- something was fucked up and the day wasn't right. then, without cause of provocation, the evening edition ended and we all started watching that annoying news shit during dinner. the world news tonight- every night- with meatloaf- or burnt chicken- or steak- or spaghetti- or salmon patties- or whatever she made for dinner that night. we had a tv in the kitchen for the news and ryan's hope and then after dinner- dad read the morning newspaper and all is right with the rest of the day. ima news junkie now, but i don't like to dwell on it. i just watch it and call nancy grace sometimes. i am anti-fox (duh) and trying very hard to peel my father from their clenches. he is still mourning the loss of the glenn beck piece of walking whore shit. when ever i visit my dad i always reprogram his tv.
when we used to get the morning paper and the evening paper- i always liked it because there was something about the ritual of mom reading the morning paper and dad reading the evening paper that seemed to make the day complete. if either one of them missed their paper- something was fucked up and the day wasn't right. then, without cause of provocation, the evening edition ended and we all started watching that annoying news shit during dinner. the world news tonight- every night- with meatloaf- or burnt chicken- or steak- or spaghetti- or salmon patties- or whatever she made for dinner that night. we had a tv in the kitchen for the news and ryan's hope and then after dinner- dad read the morning newspaper and all is right with the rest of the day. ima news junkie now, but i don't like to dwell on it. i just watch it and call nancy grace sometimes. i am anti-fox (duh) and trying very hard to peel my father from their clenches. he is still mourning the loss of the glenn beck piece of walking whore shit. when ever i visit my dad i always reprogram his tv.
July 11, 2011
i don't do parties
dear that last time diary,
difficult doesn't describe how it feels to remember, but it really doesn't hurt much anymore. it's easy to be sleazy ain't it? i say it is, but it sure does suck to clean up after the party is over. the party- oh man it was a party too- you always came dressed up. i understand why you ain't allowed to wash your party uniforms in the house. they're dirty on the inside. i am sorry. not so much for anything i did though, but for the things i didn't do sooner. of all the times it was described to me, the words you used about your life, all of the adjectives you carefully chose for me to draw what i suppose were my own conclusions about your cuntface wife. to all of the times i listened to what you had to say, and all of the endless nights i fell asleep only to pray- that it would be your promises and love to lift me from the hole i'd sealed my self into- like you promised me a million times you would. i'm still cleaning up the mess. it was just your party. it was just your mess. we coulda had a friendly party with little mess. but we should have had no party at all. how's that make you feel?
difficult doesn't describe how it feels to remember, but it really doesn't hurt much anymore. it's easy to be sleazy ain't it? i say it is, but it sure does suck to clean up after the party is over. the party- oh man it was a party too- you always came dressed up. i understand why you ain't allowed to wash your party uniforms in the house. they're dirty on the inside. i am sorry. not so much for anything i did though, but for the things i didn't do sooner. of all the times it was described to me, the words you used about your life, all of the adjectives you carefully chose for me to draw what i suppose were my own conclusions about your cuntface wife. to all of the times i listened to what you had to say, and all of the endless nights i fell asleep only to pray- that it would be your promises and love to lift me from the hole i'd sealed my self into- like you promised me a million times you would. i'm still cleaning up the mess. it was just your party. it was just your mess. we coulda had a friendly party with little mess. but we should have had no party at all. how's that make you feel?
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| someone else got their hero LMAO |
hybrid apples and mystery trees
dear i understand diary,
planting a seed doesn't take much time, talent, or energy. watching it grow doesn't take much out of someone either. keeping that seed growing and nurturing that seed to make sure it grows into a tall fruit bearing peach tree- that my friend is a lifetime job. it is hard to get a peach seed to grow- i've fucking tried. a bunch. no joke. ima move into a house that already has peach trees in the yard- someday- and maybe apples along the driveway. i'd like a big blue spruce in the middle of everything and i'll plant lots of flower seeds i'll take care of in the spring. and i'll have a fancy ass doorbell with a goofy ass ring. with a big overstuffed couch in the corner and flat tv on the wall and all the kid's baby pictures going down the hall. then when i want a snack- i'll just run out back and grab a peach off my tree and eat that bitch right down to the core and then if i need a seed for another tree- i can just go eat til i get the perfect one.
planting a seed doesn't take much time, talent, or energy. watching it grow doesn't take much out of someone either. keeping that seed growing and nurturing that seed to make sure it grows into a tall fruit bearing peach tree- that my friend is a lifetime job. it is hard to get a peach seed to grow- i've fucking tried. a bunch. no joke. ima move into a house that already has peach trees in the yard- someday- and maybe apples along the driveway. i'd like a big blue spruce in the middle of everything and i'll plant lots of flower seeds i'll take care of in the spring. and i'll have a fancy ass doorbell with a goofy ass ring. with a big overstuffed couch in the corner and flat tv on the wall and all the kid's baby pictures going down the hall. then when i want a snack- i'll just run out back and grab a peach off my tree and eat that bitch right down to the core and then if i need a seed for another tree- i can just go eat til i get the perfect one.
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| cresthaven seed |
scratching like becky
dear doing the bath thing diary,
the row of crumbs in the underwire of my bra is what has been itching me for the last hour. i just pulled my boob up and what i saw under it fucking startled the shit out of me. slacker. who lets cookie crumbs fall down their shirt and nest there? well i did. i shook my bra out. then i took three minutes to tenderly scratch the living fuck out of the underside of my breasts and they are feeling much better now. five more minutes of cookie crumbs rubbing against me and i would have went INSANE, without a doubt. i forgot i even ate a fucking cookie because i usually don't. becky is the one up next for a bath. she is getting a shower though. ima do her in just a few minutes here. the grump is on the block next. chop chop. then my bra.
the row of crumbs in the underwire of my bra is what has been itching me for the last hour. i just pulled my boob up and what i saw under it fucking startled the shit out of me. slacker. who lets cookie crumbs fall down their shirt and nest there? well i did. i shook my bra out. then i took three minutes to tenderly scratch the living fuck out of the underside of my breasts and they are feeling much better now. five more minutes of cookie crumbs rubbing against me and i would have went INSANE, without a doubt. i forgot i even ate a fucking cookie because i usually don't. becky is the one up next for a bath. she is getting a shower though. ima do her in just a few minutes here. the grump is on the block next. chop chop. then my bra.
do it all for me and i'll sit here with dirty hands
dear whatever the fuck diary,
if you wrote what i wrote in your diary, then that means you would think what i think in your head and i wouldn't even need to have a diary or my own head and that would save me from breathing and everything else. so why didn't you think of that for me a long time ago sos we cudda been doing something else by now. cuz fuck i ain't had a nap yet and i am tired. i think i figured out why my hands are stinking. that whole load of kitchen towels in the drawer stink. my hands stink now and i just washed them. i am miserable with my foul hands. something has to change around here or ima start wearing hand gloves. ima wash them fucking towels on sanitary wash with extra bleach and stink the whole house up like the YWCA in a minute. i ain't living like this anymore. then i will nap- after i snap. here is the little lohan belly i promised. it is so sweet and perfect.
if you wrote what i wrote in your diary, then that means you would think what i think in your head and i wouldn't even need to have a diary or my own head and that would save me from breathing and everything else. so why didn't you think of that for me a long time ago sos we cudda been doing something else by now. cuz fuck i ain't had a nap yet and i am tired. i think i figured out why my hands are stinking. that whole load of kitchen towels in the drawer stink. my hands stink now and i just washed them. i am miserable with my foul hands. something has to change around here or ima start wearing hand gloves. ima wash them fucking towels on sanitary wash with extra bleach and stink the whole house up like the YWCA in a minute. i ain't living like this anymore. then i will nap- after i snap. here is the little lohan belly i promised. it is so sweet and perfect.
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| my baby is in there LOL |
love you like a wonton
dear chinese food diary,
i am eating chinese food right now. i think it is so funny how i can do two things at once and not prolly be doing either. cuz i am prolly about done eating actually, prolly paying. i prolly just had noodles and rice and butter chicken (OMFG!) and honey chicken and green beans and more green beans and more butter chicken (OMFG!) and watermelon. and my fortune cookie will read, "you will have the greatest success in life," and my numbers will be 12, 14, 17, 19, 33, 41. i always get the numbers 19 and 41 in my fortune cookie numbers and i never do eat the cookie- if any of y'all was curious. now i am on my way home and hot as fuck and ima get lotto tickets and i'll be right there. then i'll take a nap and i'll be up by dinner. hopefully.
i am eating chinese food right now. i think it is so funny how i can do two things at once and not prolly be doing either. cuz i am prolly about done eating actually, prolly paying. i prolly just had noodles and rice and butter chicken (OMFG!) and honey chicken and green beans and more green beans and more butter chicken (OMFG!) and watermelon. and my fortune cookie will read, "you will have the greatest success in life," and my numbers will be 12, 14, 17, 19, 33, 41. i always get the numbers 19 and 41 in my fortune cookie numbers and i never do eat the cookie- if any of y'all was curious. now i am on my way home and hot as fuck and ima get lotto tickets and i'll be right there. then i'll take a nap and i'll be up by dinner. hopefully.
it feels hot today
dear it felt good diary,
it felt good to brush my hair last night. i haven't done it for a while. it felt good to take a bath last night. i didn't need one yet. it felt good to talk to maria. i haven't spoken to her for a minute. it felt good to wake up to brown fingernails. i always wake up to a variation of red. it felt good to know i have something to do today. i looked forward to it all weekend long. it felt good having clean pillows last night. i love the smell of a clean pillow under my head. it felt good waking up without lies floating thick in the air. that is something i do not miss. it felt good knowing that someone else must deal with that now. it feels pretty cool in the high heat index.
it felt good to brush my hair last night. i haven't done it for a while. it felt good to take a bath last night. i didn't need one yet. it felt good to talk to maria. i haven't spoken to her for a minute. it felt good to wake up to brown fingernails. i always wake up to a variation of red. it felt good to know i have something to do today. i looked forward to it all weekend long. it felt good having clean pillows last night. i love the smell of a clean pillow under my head. it felt good waking up without lies floating thick in the air. that is something i do not miss. it felt good knowing that someone else must deal with that now. it feels pretty cool in the high heat index.
hey everybody.. where did mary go?
dear people who die diary,
people who die are dead and people who are alive still breathe usually. i suppose that is one difference in being alive and not being alive. plus, when you are alive, you are responsible for things and when you're dead- you ain't. that's a pretty easy concept to grasp. so when you're dead you get taken out of the consumer category because there are those who assume you cant consume when you're dead. what if you can? if the dead contribute- why cant they consume? i hope to still offer up my assistance when i am dead. i create windows everyday so that when i do pass on- hopefully i can find those windows and crawl back through and finish a few things i've started here that i wont be able to finish until i am dead. i've always had one foot in another world- a hand in things i wasn't so sure about- but it always felt so right. you can not tell me that other place does not exist because it has to- there is more dead people than there ever has been alive.
people who die are dead and people who are alive still breathe usually. i suppose that is one difference in being alive and not being alive. plus, when you are alive, you are responsible for things and when you're dead- you ain't. that's a pretty easy concept to grasp. so when you're dead you get taken out of the consumer category because there are those who assume you cant consume when you're dead. what if you can? if the dead contribute- why cant they consume? i hope to still offer up my assistance when i am dead. i create windows everyday so that when i do pass on- hopefully i can find those windows and crawl back through and finish a few things i've started here that i wont be able to finish until i am dead. i've always had one foot in another world- a hand in things i wasn't so sure about- but it always felt so right. you can not tell me that other place does not exist because it has to- there is more dead people than there ever has been alive.
whack a mole, before it takes a troll under the house with a cookie
dear hearing the shit diary,
seeing him slide in next to me like he used to, even in my dream, made me feel nervous but excited. i wanted to strangle him, but the two hundred or so people around me prevented this from actually happening, so i hugged the dressed up man in the black jacket who said i smelled like a dream. the reasons then started flowing like water and i couldn't shut the spout off and that is all i wanted to do. i didn't want to hear why, i never did, but i always had to, but not this time, not in this dream. suddenly a tray of cookies appeared and i scooted them over to fill up the man's mouth and ran out. i found my way to my first car parked around the back of the building. my first car- in perfect condition- waiting for me. i got in and left. then- i woke up and had myself a cookie.
seeing him slide in next to me like he used to, even in my dream, made me feel nervous but excited. i wanted to strangle him, but the two hundred or so people around me prevented this from actually happening, so i hugged the dressed up man in the black jacket who said i smelled like a dream. the reasons then started flowing like water and i couldn't shut the spout off and that is all i wanted to do. i didn't want to hear why, i never did, but i always had to, but not this time, not in this dream. suddenly a tray of cookies appeared and i scooted them over to fill up the man's mouth and ran out. i found my way to my first car parked around the back of the building. my first car- in perfect condition- waiting for me. i got in and left. then- i woke up and had myself a cookie.
lunch with the embryo
dear calling the housekeeper diary,
i called maria last night and asked her if she would come clean this week and she said she would love to. i want her to clean the carpet but that wont happen when she walks in the door. ima see if she'll come tuesday and wednesday. if i help her tuedsay she might clean the rug wednesday.it'll take all day tuesday to get ready for a project like that though- my shit is out of control. i got clothes layin all over and dog toys and all sorts of stupid shit. i started going through some baby shit and stopped and left it sittin and now it's all over everywhere. if that baby comes out a boy- SCORE FOR THE HOME TEAM! ima have lunch with william and lohan later today. i hope everyone out here in blogland has a wonderful day and i'll see if i cant get lohan to let me take a picture of her belly after we eat. love you guys! xoxoxo
i called maria last night and asked her if she would come clean this week and she said she would love to. i want her to clean the carpet but that wont happen when she walks in the door. ima see if she'll come tuesday and wednesday. if i help her tuedsay she might clean the rug wednesday.it'll take all day tuesday to get ready for a project like that though- my shit is out of control. i got clothes layin all over and dog toys and all sorts of stupid shit. i started going through some baby shit and stopped and left it sittin and now it's all over everywhere. if that baby comes out a boy- SCORE FOR THE HOME TEAM! ima have lunch with william and lohan later today. i hope everyone out here in blogland has a wonderful day and i'll see if i cant get lohan to let me take a picture of her belly after we eat. love you guys! xoxoxo
may the treats continue (threats too)
dear worm your honor diary,
i'm back. i been writing boring terrible fruitless shit lately. i've had stupid shit on my mind. but i am back. i think i can write my usual shit that doesn't make any sense and may threaten some people again. yay!
i'm back. i been writing boring terrible fruitless shit lately. i've had stupid shit on my mind. but i am back. i think i can write my usual shit that doesn't make any sense and may threaten some people again. yay!
dance with the brave
dear not bringing you back diary,
we can go there iffin you want to, but i ain't bringing your ass back. if you want to fire your weapon in the line of duty, go ahead and do it, but make sure you hit your target because you'll be getting some time off big boy and you ain't staying here. not this time. you can stay somewhere else. pop it off. that's exactly what i would do. that's what you want to do and you were so convincing with your argument. you can always get another job at bath bed and best buy. ride the train babe and give it all you got. do it before someone else does. i remember when you would whisper in my ear, all your sly plans for how things would turn out in the end. you are a pro. aim for the bushes babe. you are still my hero. i will not watch you because you haven't gone yet. you don't have to show respect until you are at a funeral.
we can go there iffin you want to, but i ain't bringing your ass back. if you want to fire your weapon in the line of duty, go ahead and do it, but make sure you hit your target because you'll be getting some time off big boy and you ain't staying here. not this time. you can stay somewhere else. pop it off. that's exactly what i would do. that's what you want to do and you were so convincing with your argument. you can always get another job at bath bed and best buy. ride the train babe and give it all you got. do it before someone else does. i remember when you would whisper in my ear, all your sly plans for how things would turn out in the end. you are a pro. aim for the bushes babe. you are still my hero. i will not watch you because you haven't gone yet. you don't have to show respect until you are at a funeral.
twenty-one
dear seven eleven diary,
heads up 7-uP. i'm trying to run a science lab here. i made a new fingernail polish color. it will match my boots ima wear tomorrow and the threads on my back pockets. suhnap. my hands stink again. so i dunno. i might call my aunt in california and see if there is some vitamin i can take for that- a stinky hand vitamin. i have that- suffer from that. i saw a plane crash once. so i try not to look at single engine planes flying low in the sky. i believe my looking at the plane may have caused it to crash. sometimes when i look at things- they fuck up. lighters wont light, i dunno, cars wont start, lawnmowers wont start, a doorbell wont ring, the phone wont work, the bulb will blow, a book will fall, a bird will shit, a lady will scream, a baby will cry, a man will die- you never know what will happen when i am around. shit happens and it ain't my fault and it never has been. maneuvering around in life can be difficult, so i like to stay inside most of the time since i noticed this happens to me. clearly this is an opportunity i had hoped to escape and conveniently my car is immune to my powers usually- except lately it has started to succumb to the extreme hazards inevitable to all apparently- even my own shit- which technically i suppose is fair- 276K later. fucker.
heads up 7-uP. i'm trying to run a science lab here. i made a new fingernail polish color. it will match my boots ima wear tomorrow and the threads on my back pockets. suhnap. my hands stink again. so i dunno. i might call my aunt in california and see if there is some vitamin i can take for that- a stinky hand vitamin. i have that- suffer from that. i saw a plane crash once. so i try not to look at single engine planes flying low in the sky. i believe my looking at the plane may have caused it to crash. sometimes when i look at things- they fuck up. lighters wont light, i dunno, cars wont start, lawnmowers wont start, a doorbell wont ring, the phone wont work, the bulb will blow, a book will fall, a bird will shit, a lady will scream, a baby will cry, a man will die- you never know what will happen when i am around. shit happens and it ain't my fault and it never has been. maneuvering around in life can be difficult, so i like to stay inside most of the time since i noticed this happens to me. clearly this is an opportunity i had hoped to escape and conveniently my car is immune to my powers usually- except lately it has started to succumb to the extreme hazards inevitable to all apparently- even my own shit- which technically i suppose is fair- 276K later. fucker.
July 10, 2011
missing
dear i didn't notice diary,
he ain't a piggy bank, so i dunno why the grump likes to swallow money all the time. i wish i looked all sexy in a pair of panties and a bra. i mean i prolly look better than some, SHOUT OUT CUNTFACE, but i wish i could cause a mother fucker to lock up. at least i can do it with my mouth- lock a mother fucker up. i can keep a prisoner in the basement too.
he ain't a piggy bank, so i dunno why the grump likes to swallow money all the time. i wish i looked all sexy in a pair of panties and a bra. i mean i prolly look better than some, SHOUT OUT CUNTFACE, but i wish i could cause a mother fucker to lock up. at least i can do it with my mouth- lock a mother fucker up. i can keep a prisoner in the basement too.
the three B's
dear i want a baby and the unibomber wont go get one diary,
i want a baby. i have this funny feeling william ain't going to get up off that baby so i want my own and i think i found one and the unibomber wont go get it. that right there is another reason i want a penis. i would march my balls right up to that hospital and claim that baby. that baby ain't got no daddy and all it needs is a confident pen holder. i would go and we could afford it and i would adopt it and then he could go. he could go anyway. just go get me that baby- then go. i'd be complete then- a baby- a blog and becky.
i want a baby. i have this funny feeling william ain't going to get up off that baby so i want my own and i think i found one and the unibomber wont go get it. that right there is another reason i want a penis. i would march my balls right up to that hospital and claim that baby. that baby ain't got no daddy and all it needs is a confident pen holder. i would go and we could afford it and i would adopt it and then he could go. he could go anyway. just go get me that baby- then go. i'd be complete then- a baby- a blog and becky.
stray bullet my ass
dear it is hard to believe diary,
when you hear about things that people do to other people, the crimes people commit towards each other, it is hard to believe that i live in the same world that these things are happening. i beebop around all day without a care in the world and then watch tv and i'm like "seriously?" why do people act like that? what went wrong with their lives causing such a lapse in reason and judgement- tossing all common sense aside and all caution to the wind and just snapping for whatever reason. and target practice at 4AM? in the back yard of a city residence? really? oh wow.
when you hear about things that people do to other people, the crimes people commit towards each other, it is hard to believe that i live in the same world that these things are happening. i beebop around all day without a care in the world and then watch tv and i'm like "seriously?" why do people act like that? what went wrong with their lives causing such a lapse in reason and judgement- tossing all common sense aside and all caution to the wind and just snapping for whatever reason. and target practice at 4AM? in the back yard of a city residence? really? oh wow.
a different train
dear man i don't feel so hot diary,
ever since i puked in my throat, things ain't been so good for me. mentally, i feel fine, but my bones are achy and i have that fire in my throat. i dunno about an ambulance yet. i'll prolly wait on that. you have to believe there is a bigger plan for these things in life, even in sickness and in health, if i sit right here on my shelf- everything will be okay and everything will get put away once i get up. but that wont be for a while- not today prolly even- i missed my bus. trust me- all is well- except my throat- but i'll take peptobismol later and that is no joke. i may take a bath for something to do, or go back to sleep- i haven't decided yet.
ever since i puked in my throat, things ain't been so good for me. mentally, i feel fine, but my bones are achy and i have that fire in my throat. i dunno about an ambulance yet. i'll prolly wait on that. you have to believe there is a bigger plan for these things in life, even in sickness and in health, if i sit right here on my shelf- everything will be okay and everything will get put away once i get up. but that wont be for a while- not today prolly even- i missed my bus. trust me- all is well- except my throat- but i'll take peptobismol later and that is no joke. i may take a bath for something to do, or go back to sleep- i haven't decided yet.
ashes to cigar boxes
dear my arm diary,
i just put my arm around the belly up grump and about got my head bit off. i think that he must be in pain to react like that. so i did a full exam and can find nothing. he sleeps peacefully now as my hands stink to high Heaven and i repeatedly smell them to see if that smell has gone away yet and it hasn't and i don't think it ever will until i use prolly vinegar and maybe baking soda prolly. the stench on his under carriage is super foul today. wow. the grump got old last week- right before my very eyes. no longer does he have that extra spring in his step. he kind of drags now- where he use to gallop. his snout is turning frosty and his eyes are beginning to glaze and he is starting to act like my aunt mary did in her older days. remember, aunt mary tied her son to the high chair so she could tend to her cows in the barn AND fried up squirrels for breakfast while they still had their fur on. she would growl and hiss too and her bedroom smelled like piss. but ima hush my mouth- she had more money than most when she moved down south- she could afford to piss her bed- throw that one out and buy a new one to lay her head. it's a shame they tore town her house for the south side country club- but they didn't get the birdhouse, SHOUT OUT AUNT BARB, or the cigar box in the mud. SHOUT OUT UNCLE GLENN.
i just put my arm around the belly up grump and about got my head bit off. i think that he must be in pain to react like that. so i did a full exam and can find nothing. he sleeps peacefully now as my hands stink to high Heaven and i repeatedly smell them to see if that smell has gone away yet and it hasn't and i don't think it ever will until i use prolly vinegar and maybe baking soda prolly. the stench on his under carriage is super foul today. wow. the grump got old last week- right before my very eyes. no longer does he have that extra spring in his step. he kind of drags now- where he use to gallop. his snout is turning frosty and his eyes are beginning to glaze and he is starting to act like my aunt mary did in her older days. remember, aunt mary tied her son to the high chair so she could tend to her cows in the barn AND fried up squirrels for breakfast while they still had their fur on. she would growl and hiss too and her bedroom smelled like piss. but ima hush my mouth- she had more money than most when she moved down south- she could afford to piss her bed- throw that one out and buy a new one to lay her head. it's a shame they tore town her house for the south side country club- but they didn't get the birdhouse, SHOUT OUT AUNT BARB, or the cigar box in the mud. SHOUT OUT UNCLE GLENN.
the lunch line
dear trusting in a higher power diary,
at the end of the day at the beginning of life somebody knew what they were doing in my case. i was directed to stand in the right line. i think i prolly tried to stand in a different line and sign up to be a homosexual male, but one of the kind orderlies told me i'd be better off in a different line and i switched over. i cant stop thinking about the penis. the penis fascinates me. it is so beautiful. men are really lucky to have one attached to their bodies and i have always wanted one of my own. i can only assume there were enough homosexuals at the time of my birth and that is why i was born a woman. i couldn't imagine the anal part three times a day, but i am sure somewhere out there there's someone whodda felt the same way.
at the end of the day at the beginning of life somebody knew what they were doing in my case. i was directed to stand in the right line. i think i prolly tried to stand in a different line and sign up to be a homosexual male, but one of the kind orderlies told me i'd be better off in a different line and i switched over. i cant stop thinking about the penis. the penis fascinates me. it is so beautiful. men are really lucky to have one attached to their bodies and i have always wanted one of my own. i can only assume there were enough homosexuals at the time of my birth and that is why i was born a woman. i couldn't imagine the anal part three times a day, but i am sure somewhere out there there's someone whodda felt the same way.
see saw what i sawl
dear people that read my old shit diary,
high there. whatcha doin readin my old shit. do you like it or were you just bored? it makes me feel funny inside when people read my oldshit and i know it. first i clap my hands and then i get a wicked feeling. i'm like looking out the windows and shit. that's why i leave them up is for y'all to look at them, but when someone actually does, it freaks me out. who is out there peeking in and what are they seeing? i would pull my curtain back shut, but i'm afraid they been had an eye full of what they came to see.
high there. whatcha doin readin my old shit. do you like it or were you just bored? it makes me feel funny inside when people read my oldshit and i know it. first i clap my hands and then i get a wicked feeling. i'm like looking out the windows and shit. that's why i leave them up is for y'all to look at them, but when someone actually does, it freaks me out. who is out there peeking in and what are they seeing? i would pull my curtain back shut, but i'm afraid they been had an eye full of what they came to see.
ways to increase overhead
dear am i still a whore diary,
now that i've been going at this for so long, when will my whore status change? i've been patiently waiting but it doesn't seem like it is ever going to. i'm not complaining, whatsoever, but a piece of ass would be fitting, DONTCHA THINK. i work hard for my money, or i used to anyway. business is slow as fuck right now. but then again, i haven't been advertising and it's all in the advertising. you gotta get your name out there. people don't know what kind of services you provide if they don't know where they can cum. that's why it's important to just spread your legs. that's is prolly what i am doing wrong, keeping my legs together. ima try laying out in the yard this afternoon with my legs open and see if that draws a crowd. or maybe i'll drive down the road with my left leg out the window and see if i get a trail of customers. i dunno, but ima have to do something if things are to continue. my power BILL is due again and i want new boots.
now that i've been going at this for so long, when will my whore status change? i've been patiently waiting but it doesn't seem like it is ever going to. i'm not complaining, whatsoever, but a piece of ass would be fitting, DONTCHA THINK. i work hard for my money, or i used to anyway. business is slow as fuck right now. but then again, i haven't been advertising and it's all in the advertising. you gotta get your name out there. people don't know what kind of services you provide if they don't know where they can cum. that's why it's important to just spread your legs. that's is prolly what i am doing wrong, keeping my legs together. ima try laying out in the yard this afternoon with my legs open and see if that draws a crowd. or maybe i'll drive down the road with my left leg out the window and see if i get a trail of customers. i dunno, but ima have to do something if things are to continue. my power BILL is due again and i want new boots.
windows up; top down
dear only a few things diary,
i think that pizza i ate two days ago really fucked me up because mexican food never gave me heartburn before and that is all i ate yesterday and i had it again last night. if rice and cheese starts fucking me up- it will be a sad day in my neck of the woods- i'm just sayin. i don't get heartburn. i get eggburps. when i was knocked up with william i used to get heartburn everyday- shit water gave me heartburn- but when he came out with enough hair for cornrows- well that answered that question. i tried to braid his hair several times, but my baby was too white and the braids would always fall out. but i did try. next baby harry came out with no hair AT ALL and i never had a bit of heartburn- i just puked for the first three months. they sure are some busy hair stylin fuckers now.
i think that pizza i ate two days ago really fucked me up because mexican food never gave me heartburn before and that is all i ate yesterday and i had it again last night. if rice and cheese starts fucking me up- it will be a sad day in my neck of the woods- i'm just sayin. i don't get heartburn. i get eggburps. when i was knocked up with william i used to get heartburn everyday- shit water gave me heartburn- but when he came out with enough hair for cornrows- well that answered that question. i tried to braid his hair several times, but my baby was too white and the braids would always fall out. but i did try. next baby harry came out with no hair AT ALL and i never had a bit of heartburn- i just puked for the first three months. they sure are some busy hair stylin fuckers now.
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| hats in the cradle |
take it to the limit
dear doing something stupid diary,
the beginning of the chase is better than the end of the scene when the victim always drops and bleeds to death and all the action comes to finish up and the music starts and the credits roll and everyone gets up and crowds to leave the theatre. that's when i look for money on the floor. fuckit i lost four bucks when i was eight years old- it could happen. four bucks is four bucks. i haven't lost any good money for a minute- knock on wood- but the unibomber left his wallet at home last night and had to ride home and get it while i waited at the restaurant. i was so embarrassed. i told the owner and he told me to, "just pay him later," but the unibomber had already left. he wasn't gone very long- thank goodness. it's nice to know we have credit at the best mexican place in town. SHOUT OUT BEST MEXICAN PLACE IN TOWN. fuck that shit was so good- i had to pay.
the beginning of the chase is better than the end of the scene when the victim always drops and bleeds to death and all the action comes to finish up and the music starts and the credits roll and everyone gets up and crowds to leave the theatre. that's when i look for money on the floor. fuckit i lost four bucks when i was eight years old- it could happen. four bucks is four bucks. i haven't lost any good money for a minute- knock on wood- but the unibomber left his wallet at home last night and had to ride home and get it while i waited at the restaurant. i was so embarrassed. i told the owner and he told me to, "just pay him later," but the unibomber had already left. he wasn't gone very long- thank goodness. it's nice to know we have credit at the best mexican place in town. SHOUT OUT BEST MEXICAN PLACE IN TOWN. fuck that shit was so good- i had to pay.
rebound that tiny ball
dear what do you think you're supposed to think diary,
every so often the rubber band will snap and all the shit will scatter. time to pick up the mess and straighten up your dress and put all the shit away. clutter and dust don't bother me much and i can live with my shit in storage, but bearing no other weight on my shoulders i can no longer drag behind me the foliage. the bushes you beat around for the years of abuse and really there is no way to say it, if you had no other plans other than to use me then you might as well have beat me with your limbs. tragic- well no- it was fun- and i'd do it again because i am that dumb, but don't think i wouldn't swing back this time. and i'll bet you i'd beat you to the finish line.
every so often the rubber band will snap and all the shit will scatter. time to pick up the mess and straighten up your dress and put all the shit away. clutter and dust don't bother me much and i can live with my shit in storage, but bearing no other weight on my shoulders i can no longer drag behind me the foliage. the bushes you beat around for the years of abuse and really there is no way to say it, if you had no other plans other than to use me then you might as well have beat me with your limbs. tragic- well no- it was fun- and i'd do it again because i am that dumb, but don't think i wouldn't swing back this time. and i'll bet you i'd beat you to the finish line.
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