a happy bowl of drunken gravy

dear some get horny when they are drunk diary,

i dunno what makes people drink. i don't like the way any alcohol makes me feel. i would rather drink a warm bowl of gravy. alcohol makes some people horny and i have found that gravy makes me horny in the same way. really, any kind of meat juice does, but gravy especially makes my own personal juices flow. i love a happy drunk. i hate the smelly mean drunk. i cry and puke when i get drunk- way too much drama and trauma. yes, gravy is what makes me hot and drinking does not. 

everybody wang chung tonite

under the spools of sod

dear smitten with mittens diary,

i really cant tell you what goes on underground anymore, but overground i can tell you the hamloaf i made tonight smelled horrible and i threw it in the garbage and didn't even think about giving it to the dogs. i think the meat was bad. i love the idea of things that are waterproof. if you want to sell me on something, just tell me it is waterproof. that new phone i got really works great in the shower. i kinda don't understand why all phones aren't waterproof or at least water resistant, but it seems like all the ones i ever had before this one like to suck up moisture like a sponge. it seems like a good time to eat a grapefruit- since the hamloaf didn't pan out.

who has been eating crAckers in my bed....

drop down warning

dear just because diary,

and i don't know if anybody even comes here anymore and honestly i don't give a two inch fuck, but i slipped up and wrote some goofy shit coming up on the next post, so beware, and take care, and don't be scared.

my clitter was hogged

dear close the lid diary,

when the grump licks his balls, he often closes his eyes as if he is feeling a great sense of satisfaction during his licking session. i have watched at great length and tried to notice a pattern or some kind of certain stroke he uses to orally stimulate himself, but i can see no stimulation. it's like he just licks to lick. i chewed my fingernails when i was a child and clear up until december 3, 1992. then i quit. i never became aroused by chewing my fingernails really and i wonder if the grump licking his balls- if he feels the same way i felt when i chewed on my nails because sometimes i would make them bleed and he licks himself raw. that shit has to hurt. i know that when i go sledding and i lick my lips and they get chapped and i keep on licking them bitches they will get raw and bleed. i bet if i took the grump sledding he would bleed and hate me. he hates the snow. i hate the snow. the last time i went sledding i said i would never go again and i haven't, but my lips have been chapped and my hitter was clogged.

nothin' but a chicken wing

dear that was prolly not my plan diary,

in the old days, i dunno, my friend and i decided at lunch today things were so different. i couldn't imagine starting over again at this day at that age, but then i don't have to. yay. lunch was so fucking good. it was the first time i ever ordered it just the way i wanted it and got it just the way i liked it and it wasn't even an ordeal or anything. i'll be getting that shit again, but and except not tomorrow i wont. hopefully ima be eating chicken wings and tapioca pudding until my heart is content. i fucking love chicken wings and tapioca pudding. i still think that wooden mini blinds would make my bedroom much darker, or at least my half, but fuck are they worth ten times the plastic ones? each? ima get them. because fuck it. what else do i have to get?

Cops dont drive Toyotas

getting the crib back out

dear didn't mention that diary,

my second night sucked worse than my first alone i my bed last night. along about 5:14am there was a fight and the grump (aka chris brown) got verbal and physical with becky (aka rihanna) and a kong ball almost went through the south window. chris denies all of it, but rihanna shows the signs of the abuse. it could be a territory issue. someone else may need a new bed.

i think i want a teddy bear

dear my bed diary,

last night was my first night in ten years that i had my own bed again. well, i sorta had my own bed. i still had to share it, but not with the unibomber, and not with a pissy dog like i used to at the farm, blister, who would sleep with william until he peed the bed and then come crawl in bed with me, but with becky on my chest and the grump on my legs. but i did have the rest of my whole entire bed to myself. it looks funny in here with two queen beds and i knew the dogs would be on my bed and they are. i feel like a teenager again.

the future meth ball

dear moving fast diary,

underneath it all i suppose it would depend on the routes taken on how quick you arrive or if you get there at all. say goodbye to the underground tunnels, they know all about those now, and say hello to the brightly lit public pathways set out before you. public relations is a must, just the same as customer service is to the big corporations, substandard communications with those who support you is never an easy method of travel. time seems to go very slow when you are uncomfortable and you begin to run out of options. when you're happy and have everything you need- time passes in the blink of an eye. i remember the long hard days ahead of you. please always remember to wash your hands after digging in your pussy.

drivin by your house, oh no, you're not home

from my base camp to yours

dear at first diary,

if at first you don't succeed, try hitting someone and try again. ima do what i enjoy best, enjoy the ride. somewhere between here and there i am still trying to decide what face success is showing today. i didn't see many lucky faces at the homeless shelter when i dropped off a bunch of shit we didn't and weren't going to need anymore, but then you never know, one of those people i saw may use their last three quarters, two dimes and five pennies to buy a lottery ticket and win 11 million dollars on wednesday... pearl harbor. that would blow the lid off a poverty stricken homeless piece of shit life. is it worth it? if you have everything and you have nothing, what good is it to have anything? giving all that stuff away felt good because the stuff that wasn't ours came from people who didn't deserve it.

hard nipples and sheepskin jackets

dear rain on my winda diary,

some people like to say i am not right. i took the class at the community college on deductive reasoning and i remember the slippery slope theory. the blur of the lights on the highway make me realize there is a weird beauty when the pavement is wet especially. i hate snow, but not as much as i used to. i hate being cold. my body went through a change a few years ago and i cant stand the feeling of being cold now. that was a terrible winter. i had shiver seizures and vomited twice. the shaking was uncontrollable and i could not speak. i was afraid it was going to be a permanent thing- but it finally did pass- like a grand mall seizure of america. if i sat here long enough i could prolly remember what year these events happened, but i'm not going to do that so bye.

lot g7r3 or a boat

dear keeping up and taking over diary,

what else am i going to do? there isn't much left to do. is there? when you try to get a line on those things that you hear the least about, you start to realize- maybe you shoulda paid more attention and taken a few notes along the way. picky picky picky- that ain't me anymore- i really don't give two shits about much of anything. i do when i have to, give a shit, but unless i have to, i don't. g7r3. despite never living in a tent ever in my life, i have always wanted to have a television in one and wake up and watch good morning america in a sleeping bag and cook scrambled eggs over an open fire. tent living sounds so romantic until it would become a way of life and then i believe i'd need to be in a warmer, possibly tropical climate, to thrive in such a habitat.

there are some people who smell like hampsters.

Christmas shopping on the Gulf side

dear coming right up diary,

it'll be fun going for a bang. under my watchful and most careful eye, ima take becky with me. i feel like she needs to experience part of what i need to experience and we both deserve some time to relax. this time next weekend we will be having fun in the sand and sun. it is a fucking shame becky looks better in her swimsuit than i do.

5% cash back

dear the things i wont do diary,

there are those things i wont do anymore, the things i try and avoid at all costs. sometimes things don't make any sense when you don't sit to figure them out. take advantage of this quiet problem solving time, for you never know when it may become chaotic again and loud. the tell tale signs of weakness begin to rise, there's no disguising it. then the clammy cold grip of neediness takes over and the status of the abyss remains magnificent. there will be no greed and all children will know how to read; a feeling of great joy. it is for these reasons that i believe that we are evolving, (as an entire species,) but there are some individuals who have ceased to exist.