dear darling precious loving victim diary,
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| nothing to worry about here. |
January 29, 2011
microphone check (goatphony checks)
waking up to burnt turkey (my fun saturday night)
dear let us put a turkey in the oven at eight forty at night diary,
sometimes i really think i am retarded, but that's okay too. it'll be good to eat that bitch at midnight. i'm not sure why i don't weigh 600 pounds, but if i get back up to a buck fifty- the world will come to a screeching halt. my sister got the legs and ass and tits- and had i've gotten those- i'd weigh 200 easy- but i got my all my dads features- the long skinny legs- the flat ass- the grapefruit tits- and the middle. thank God for that liposuction. i just like to eat is my problem. but i haven't really gained shit this winter. im makin them green beans now too. fuck them will be good. i like green beans and scrambled eggs. that's what i always get at the cracker barrel. now my ear is itching. my dad doesn't have grapefruit tits, btw, but my aunt kathy does. i prolly shoulda waited to cook that turkey. but fuckit. my oven might not have worked tomorrow. i sure am tired all of a sudden. i better set my alarm.
sometimes i really think i am retarded, but that's okay too. it'll be good to eat that bitch at midnight. i'm not sure why i don't weigh 600 pounds, but if i get back up to a buck fifty- the world will come to a screeching halt. my sister got the legs and ass and tits- and had i've gotten those- i'd weigh 200 easy- but i got my all my dads features- the long skinny legs- the flat ass- the grapefruit tits- and the middle. thank God for that liposuction. i just like to eat is my problem. but i haven't really gained shit this winter. im makin them green beans now too. fuck them will be good. i like green beans and scrambled eggs. that's what i always get at the cracker barrel. now my ear is itching. my dad doesn't have grapefruit tits, btw, but my aunt kathy does. i prolly shoulda waited to cook that turkey. but fuckit. my oven might not have worked tomorrow. i sure am tired all of a sudden. i better set my alarm.
buffalo wild wings and weldon springs
dear well to fuck around and get up or not to fuck around and get up diary,
that would indeed be the question. i hate wheel of fortune. fucking hate it. it is the dumbest fucking show there ever fucking was. the price is right is way better and should be on at night. bitches. i miss bob tho. i know i ain't the only one. but he was sure a dickwad in person. there ain't shit on tv anymore. i am about ready to turn the cable off. i cant believe how much it is anymore. remember when it used to be 40 bucks? and that was allot? sometimes i want an apartment where cable is included. do they still make those? maybe a roommate? that's what im talking about. two dogs eyeballing me. right now. just eyeballing me. when i eyeball back tho, he growls- she just eyeballs me back. what is it around here anyway? you can look at me but i cant look at you. that sounds right- oh hey- now go file papers and be scared.
that would indeed be the question. i hate wheel of fortune. fucking hate it. it is the dumbest fucking show there ever fucking was. the price is right is way better and should be on at night. bitches. i miss bob tho. i know i ain't the only one. but he was sure a dickwad in person. there ain't shit on tv anymore. i am about ready to turn the cable off. i cant believe how much it is anymore. remember when it used to be 40 bucks? and that was allot? sometimes i want an apartment where cable is included. do they still make those? maybe a roommate? that's what im talking about. two dogs eyeballing me. right now. just eyeballing me. when i eyeball back tho, he growls- she just eyeballs me back. what is it around here anyway? you can look at me but i cant look at you. that sounds right- oh hey- now go file papers and be scared.
he said she said you said i said
dear dishes on my floor that keep clanking diary,
keebler called while i was sleeping. i called him back. he sooo funny. we talked for half an hour. before we got off the phone, i was sure to give him a verbal message to pass to the goat. the gave me an update on 489 and the dragon lady, he said that their dog had died. that's sad as fuck. it loved 9volt batteries. it ATE them as treats. then we talked about his wolf that just died. he'd had him for fifteen years. then we talked about lizard and his kids, q-tip and her daughters, and i told him about becky. we're gunna go have breakfast one of these days- i told him i'd like that- but i told him i ain't talking as long as the goat is around. i couldn't resist before i hung up, i said, "hey, next time you see the goat give him a message if you would." keebler said, "well sure, i could do that," he has this little voice, "what's the message you got for him?" so i kinda chuckled a bit and it came out with ease, "you tell him life is great over here on the DARK SIDE please."
keebler called while i was sleeping. i called him back. he sooo funny. we talked for half an hour. before we got off the phone, i was sure to give him a verbal message to pass to the goat. the gave me an update on 489 and the dragon lady, he said that their dog had died. that's sad as fuck. it loved 9volt batteries. it ATE them as treats. then we talked about his wolf that just died. he'd had him for fifteen years. then we talked about lizard and his kids, q-tip and her daughters, and i told him about becky. we're gunna go have breakfast one of these days- i told him i'd like that- but i told him i ain't talking as long as the goat is around. i couldn't resist before i hung up, i said, "hey, next time you see the goat give him a message if you would." keebler said, "well sure, i could do that," he has this little voice, "what's the message you got for him?" so i kinda chuckled a bit and it came out with ease, "you tell him life is great over here on the DARK SIDE please."
give them a hit
dear hand it over diary,
well, the situation in egypt is serious now isnt it? the city on the nile is falling apart. what if that was here y'all? that is some scary shit. our world is getting smaller- smaller by each day- if it doesnt stop immediately- it will eventually come around this way. a revolution is on the horizon- and the last book in the bible spelled it out, and it lines right up with the mayan calendar- people time really could be running out. if everyone put their heads together we could all beat the future set and planned for us, we could create our own path- we could pool together our trust. then we could start the real fun- traveling back and forth in time- curing cancer and living on mars and more opportunities for mankind. how can we do anything when we cant even get along? fucking why don't we make all angry fuckers relax and do a bong?
well, the situation in egypt is serious now isnt it? the city on the nile is falling apart. what if that was here y'all? that is some scary shit. our world is getting smaller- smaller by each day- if it doesnt stop immediately- it will eventually come around this way. a revolution is on the horizon- and the last book in the bible spelled it out, and it lines right up with the mayan calendar- people time really could be running out. if everyone put their heads together we could all beat the future set and planned for us, we could create our own path- we could pool together our trust. then we could start the real fun- traveling back and forth in time- curing cancer and living on mars and more opportunities for mankind. how can we do anything when we cant even get along? fucking why don't we make all angry fuckers relax and do a bong?
wake me up and i will snap
dear blowing my nose diary,
im positive i have lost a good portion of my brain. i blew my nose and there it went. fuck. it will be all downhill from here. in my dream lastnight- i had forgotten how to read and i got left behind in the parking lot by people who supposedly 'loved' me. some old friends came along and saved me- after we smoked pot. man that was nice, i haven't seen them in so long- and the pot was amazing. convincing them i got left behind for reasons other than the truth- that was harder than i thought- all they did was laugh and smoke pot. all in all- it wasn't such a bad dream- i was with my old friends- smoking pot. i think the only distress i ever felt in my dream was watching my car drive away. but after it was gone a wave of relief came over me and then happiness once i smoked the pot. when i woke up for the second time today, i realized i didn't get left in a parking lot. then i searched through my old drawer and found my box to see if there was any pot. there wasn't- and if there was it would suck. damn my luck.
im positive i have lost a good portion of my brain. i blew my nose and there it went. fuck. it will be all downhill from here. in my dream lastnight- i had forgotten how to read and i got left behind in the parking lot by people who supposedly 'loved' me. some old friends came along and saved me- after we smoked pot. man that was nice, i haven't seen them in so long- and the pot was amazing. convincing them i got left behind for reasons other than the truth- that was harder than i thought- all they did was laugh and smoke pot. all in all- it wasn't such a bad dream- i was with my old friends- smoking pot. i think the only distress i ever felt in my dream was watching my car drive away. but after it was gone a wave of relief came over me and then happiness once i smoked the pot. when i woke up for the second time today, i realized i didn't get left in a parking lot. then i searched through my old drawer and found my box to see if there was any pot. there wasn't- and if there was it would suck. damn my luck.
i'll pick your boyfriends (since i can't pick my own)
dear likeness and difference diary,
there is this girl i know who is single and goes to the bars allot, and we have the exact same cellphone number cept the last digit is fucked up. well, her name is crissy, i will say, because that is close enough, and when she gives out her number- sometimes the guys are really drunk. then they end up texting me all day and night- and this would not be a problem- however after all my court cases it might. so i am really suspicious- and i put all texters through hell- until they call me "'crissy" and then all is well. so i told you all of this just now, to tell you this part here, last night this dude started textin and callin, i told him my name was steve. i could tell by his written demonstrations- i wanted him to leave. "who dis," he wrote, that was plenty for me, "stephen," i said, after i thought for a second, i could tell from his earlier texting that should do it, and it did, i was glad- i put a stop to that shit and i never gave him "crissy's" correct number either. i think she can do better than that, at least find a man who can spell. ima call her later and snap on her ass and give her some kind of hell.
there is this girl i know who is single and goes to the bars allot, and we have the exact same cellphone number cept the last digit is fucked up. well, her name is crissy, i will say, because that is close enough, and when she gives out her number- sometimes the guys are really drunk. then they end up texting me all day and night- and this would not be a problem- however after all my court cases it might. so i am really suspicious- and i put all texters through hell- until they call me "'crissy" and then all is well. so i told you all of this just now, to tell you this part here, last night this dude started textin and callin, i told him my name was steve. i could tell by his written demonstrations- i wanted him to leave. "who dis," he wrote, that was plenty for me, "stephen," i said, after i thought for a second, i could tell from his earlier texting that should do it, and it did, i was glad- i put a stop to that shit and i never gave him "crissy's" correct number either. i think she can do better than that, at least find a man who can spell. ima call her later and snap on her ass and give her some kind of hell.
cramping feet (cooking meat)
dear keeping things in order diary,
i had to get up and stretch out this morning, i was pressed for space all night. i let both dogs sleep with me up in the bed because the grump was pale and didn't feel well all day yesterday after he threw up his toy he ate- and becky claimed her usual spot under my belly. so there you go. full house. the grump has all his color back in his face today tho- no more being nice to him, thank God, he gets on my nerves when he rules the roost, which is a daily occurrence, so he's on my nerves allot. it is worse when he's sick tho, and that is barely ever, since i quit buying him the toys he can chew up hardly never. so i am going back to bed, to rest my sleepy head and hope when i wake up the snake wont be dead. ima get a rat today and feed that hungry bitch- i just forgot to put a rat on my windshield wiper list. goodnight everyone- ill be seein ya at noon, or later, then ima cook that turkey and some smashed fucking taters.
i had to get up and stretch out this morning, i was pressed for space all night. i let both dogs sleep with me up in the bed because the grump was pale and didn't feel well all day yesterday after he threw up his toy he ate- and becky claimed her usual spot under my belly. so there you go. full house. the grump has all his color back in his face today tho- no more being nice to him, thank God, he gets on my nerves when he rules the roost, which is a daily occurrence, so he's on my nerves allot. it is worse when he's sick tho, and that is barely ever, since i quit buying him the toys he can chew up hardly never. so i am going back to bed, to rest my sleepy head and hope when i wake up the snake wont be dead. ima get a rat today and feed that hungry bitch- i just forgot to put a rat on my windshield wiper list. goodnight everyone- ill be seein ya at noon, or later, then ima cook that turkey and some smashed fucking taters.
battery power (zero)
dear night and day diary,
it is official. babies dont just do it. baby dogs do too. becky has her days and nights totally switched. and i caught on last night, or i thought i did, and i did. i tried to keep her awake today- she slept. now she wants to go out every two hours. ima whoop her. she needs whooped. i cant do it. she's my baby girl. i miss her being tiny. she is a whale now. it is a good thing i am up all night or i would be up all night. so now it is saturday again. oh boy. joy joy. i think ima cook that turkey today. i like turkey. not doing the stuffing deal. going for the green beans. my boobs are itching- feathers in my bra again- FUCK!!! so if it was warm out- id be rummage sailing tomorrow morning. i cant wait. i need to get whole list of shit at the store tomorrow, here is what ima get:
a: a headlight bulb thing
b: interior lights for the little lights and the dope light
c: windshield wipers (oh fuck yes)
d: windshield wiper juice
e: gunna WARSH the windshield (i am)
that doesn't seem like very much to ask for. i think i can handle that. my windshield needs help. sometimes you just gotta grab the bull by the horn and be a man and do the shit. yee hawl. the grump doesn't like it when i hug him. so i don't do it very often, he will act like he's gunna bite me- but he knows i will bite him back. i will. hard. harder than he bit me. ima try to hug him when he is sleeping later. then he will let me. i think he can handle that. well goodnight fuckers.
it is official. babies dont just do it. baby dogs do too. becky has her days and nights totally switched. and i caught on last night, or i thought i did, and i did. i tried to keep her awake today- she slept. now she wants to go out every two hours. ima whoop her. she needs whooped. i cant do it. she's my baby girl. i miss her being tiny. she is a whale now. it is a good thing i am up all night or i would be up all night. so now it is saturday again. oh boy. joy joy. i think ima cook that turkey today. i like turkey. not doing the stuffing deal. going for the green beans. my boobs are itching- feathers in my bra again- FUCK!!! so if it was warm out- id be rummage sailing tomorrow morning. i cant wait. i need to get whole list of shit at the store tomorrow, here is what ima get:
a: a headlight bulb thing
b: interior lights for the little lights and the dope light
c: windshield wipers (oh fuck yes)
d: windshield wiper juice
e: gunna WARSH the windshield (i am)
that doesn't seem like very much to ask for. i think i can handle that. my windshield needs help. sometimes you just gotta grab the bull by the horn and be a man and do the shit. yee hawl. the grump doesn't like it when i hug him. so i don't do it very often, he will act like he's gunna bite me- but he knows i will bite him back. i will. hard. harder than he bit me. ima try to hug him when he is sleeping later. then he will let me. i think he can handle that. well goodnight fuckers.
January 28, 2011
where did MARY go? (im not sure either)
dear betcha never thought of this but that's ok diary,
see for a long time my friend, we will call her MARY, she's a whore too, and she's been trying to you know- get out of a tough situation at her house for a really long time- im talkin YEARS. well MARY had an opportunity to remove herself, but now, she feels like she needs to sit around and watch to make sure the tough situation doesn't get the wrong idea when she up and leaves NOW. and thanks to a little penis mother fucker and a princess, MARY, is concerned for the well being of the little penis- not the princess. the lies told in the paperwork say that the little penis is with the princess, but MARY knows better. but MARY hasn't made the tough situation tougher. MARY wants to, for shits and giggles, but MARY would rather the tough situation be directed northward. MARY doesn't know what to do. so MARY keeps blowing off 914. and little MARY waits.
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| (little penis mother fucker) |
i am still me! (thank God)
dear long lost potato chip diary,
instinct tells me not to eat them- the greasy thin crispy salty yummy snacks. so i don't. it isn't because i don't want to tho, it's a choice. i saw that man again tonight. he really is something. gentle through the eyes- strong through the shoulders. ima sucker for a potato chip smile. instinct tells me to stay away from the yummy snack. so i do. i don't want to tho, again a choice. im scared of more court papers. i think he looked at me- but i could have been wrong. he could have been looking at the wall. a one man army- say something- nope never a word. maybe i'll dream about him later- when i close my eyes. maybe i'll feel his perfect fingers- sliding up my thighs. maybe when i work overtime nextime, he will be there too, maybe i'll have someone follow him home and we will have somewhere to stawk that is new!
instinct tells me not to eat them- the greasy thin crispy salty yummy snacks. so i don't. it isn't because i don't want to tho, it's a choice. i saw that man again tonight. he really is something. gentle through the eyes- strong through the shoulders. ima sucker for a potato chip smile. instinct tells me to stay away from the yummy snack. so i do. i don't want to tho, again a choice. im scared of more court papers. i think he looked at me- but i could have been wrong. he could have been looking at the wall. a one man army- say something- nope never a word. maybe i'll dream about him later- when i close my eyes. maybe i'll feel his perfect fingers- sliding up my thighs. maybe when i work overtime nextime, he will be there too, maybe i'll have someone follow him home and we will have somewhere to stawk that is new!
pulling a rabbit from a hat
dear walk across the water diary,
turn it into wine. i am not a magician, nor do i play one on tv, but i think i have some kind of power, or gift as it may be. im not quite sure what it is, or if i should tell a soul, but who am i to care what anyone thinks, im rare and big and bold. i think my brain is to smart for me, it knows more than i understand, but i try to follow along- i do- the very best i can. sometimes the messages it sends me- are not very clear, and sometimes it takes every bit of each day to figure them out- and sometimes a year. many times a year goes by and im still wondering what it all means- that is what i mean when i say, "my brain is to smart for me it seems." i don't mind living in a world of great wonder and lots of fog, cuz i got my dog becky- she is a great friend to me- i tell her everything- and she isn't even scared.
turn it into wine. i am not a magician, nor do i play one on tv, but i think i have some kind of power, or gift as it may be. im not quite sure what it is, or if i should tell a soul, but who am i to care what anyone thinks, im rare and big and bold. i think my brain is to smart for me, it knows more than i understand, but i try to follow along- i do- the very best i can. sometimes the messages it sends me- are not very clear, and sometimes it takes every bit of each day to figure them out- and sometimes a year. many times a year goes by and im still wondering what it all means- that is what i mean when i say, "my brain is to smart for me it seems." i don't mind living in a world of great wonder and lots of fog, cuz i got my dog becky- she is a great friend to me- i tell her everything- and she isn't even scared.
lipgloss for becky
dear oh man i love soup diary,
i just got called into work. it'll be fun tho, i don't mind the extra shift. the grump is puking on the back porch, i just heard him. i wonder which toy he chewed up and ate. that's the only thing that'll make him puke. fucking idiot. you know, them kongs are twenty bucks each. but they last a long ass time. that is why i don't buy them anything else anymore. they'll eat everything else in an hour OR LESS. the grump likes to skin a tennis ball toy. so i quit buyin them all together. becky cant eat bird- no turkey- no chicken. she can do processed chicken- like a mcnugget- but any turkey causes her to instantly hurl. she sure does like shrimp tho. i hate shrimp. eww. so now i have to get ready for work again, but ima be a hot mess tonight, i don't give a fuck. my body is clean- if anyone comes up to smell me. which they wont. oh and btw, whenever you put on chapstick- be sure to apply some on becky- that's what shes wantin. it makes her feel pretty.
i just got called into work. it'll be fun tho, i don't mind the extra shift. the grump is puking on the back porch, i just heard him. i wonder which toy he chewed up and ate. that's the only thing that'll make him puke. fucking idiot. you know, them kongs are twenty bucks each. but they last a long ass time. that is why i don't buy them anything else anymore. they'll eat everything else in an hour OR LESS. the grump likes to skin a tennis ball toy. so i quit buyin them all together. becky cant eat bird- no turkey- no chicken. she can do processed chicken- like a mcnugget- but any turkey causes her to instantly hurl. she sure does like shrimp tho. i hate shrimp. eww. so now i have to get ready for work again, but ima be a hot mess tonight, i don't give a fuck. my body is clean- if anyone comes up to smell me. which they wont. oh and btw, whenever you put on chapstick- be sure to apply some on becky- that's what shes wantin. it makes her feel pretty.
march home baby (i'll fight for ya)
dear red as a beet diary,
oh man that bath was hot. now my head hurts but it was worth it. my last few baths have been cold- so this one made up for them. i had the virgin water heater. someone needs to explain to me right away why the grump chooses to lay his butthole on my forearm everytime he sits next to me. with almost a thousand visitors to my blog- seems one of y'all could explain that to me. i cant take it anymore. ima start putting something over it if he don't quit because its getting on my last nerve. i have a reader in kuwait now. that freaked me out. im hoping its one of us over there. i fantasize about a service man wearing boots reading my drivel. it makes me want to take all my clothes off and write. but im scared of uniforms now. so, i concentrate on just the boots. actually as long as he don't have a badge- well- ill be ok- i think. plus i think service man now THERE IS A HERO and i think with their background and training- they'll be less likely to be afraid of me like say a firefighter or garbage man.
oh man that bath was hot. now my head hurts but it was worth it. my last few baths have been cold- so this one made up for them. i had the virgin water heater. someone needs to explain to me right away why the grump chooses to lay his butthole on my forearm everytime he sits next to me. with almost a thousand visitors to my blog- seems one of y'all could explain that to me. i cant take it anymore. ima start putting something over it if he don't quit because its getting on my last nerve. i have a reader in kuwait now. that freaked me out. im hoping its one of us over there. i fantasize about a service man wearing boots reading my drivel. it makes me want to take all my clothes off and write. but im scared of uniforms now. so, i concentrate on just the boots. actually as long as he don't have a badge- well- ill be ok- i think. plus i think service man now THERE IS A HERO and i think with their background and training- they'll be less likely to be afraid of me like say a firefighter or garbage man.
beeno for dogs (the grump needs it BAD)
dear oh oh oh beckys cryin diary,
that look in her eye, she wants me to hold her. 'my armpit stinks,' is what i just told her. she says it don't matter, she sayin, 'hold me now bitch,' im singin, no no no i aint holdin you... you were to good before... suffer bitch and suffer some more.. she's chewin on a kong now- taking out her frustrations there. im awake now. fuck that bed. fuck the tv too. and fuck you. and fuck him too. and fuck the grump- who was angry earlier and is kissing ass now and farting. everything is off center this morning. ima get some orange juice and t-totally dare myself to get heartburn, brb. mmm made my mouth squirt. i really like my new toothbrush. i just walked past it in the kitchen and it is beautiful. ive written about it before, but im telling you now, it cant be written about enough. it is a dream. i got my last toothbrush july 14, 2000 in florida after we ate at the beach in naples. my first boyfriend steve thought he saw tom cruise that day- and it could have been- because i dont know tom cruise and we were in naples, so i bought a toothbrush and charged it back at his house. then i took a nap and we took blister (my tiny dog that my grandma stole) back down to the beach when i woke up. i wanted to see where eolian gonzalez came over in the little raft in june from cuba before we left. that little fucker interrupted my show. the grump keeps farting on me ima have to go now.
that look in her eye, she wants me to hold her. 'my armpit stinks,' is what i just told her. she says it don't matter, she sayin, 'hold me now bitch,' im singin, no no no i aint holdin you... you were to good before... suffer bitch and suffer some more.. she's chewin on a kong now- taking out her frustrations there. im awake now. fuck that bed. fuck the tv too. and fuck you. and fuck him too. and fuck the grump- who was angry earlier and is kissing ass now and farting. everything is off center this morning. ima get some orange juice and t-totally dare myself to get heartburn, brb. mmm made my mouth squirt. i really like my new toothbrush. i just walked past it in the kitchen and it is beautiful. ive written about it before, but im telling you now, it cant be written about enough. it is a dream. i got my last toothbrush july 14, 2000 in florida after we ate at the beach in naples. my first boyfriend steve thought he saw tom cruise that day- and it could have been- because i dont know tom cruise and we were in naples, so i bought a toothbrush and charged it back at his house. then i took a nap and we took blister (my tiny dog that my grandma stole) back down to the beach when i woke up. i wanted to see where eolian gonzalez came over in the little raft in june from cuba before we left. that little fucker interrupted my show. the grump keeps farting on me ima have to go now.
twilight zone (feels like home)
dear 2AM here and gone diary,
i woke up to take my second dose of medication early and decided to eat a quick bowl of soup. told you the shit was the bomb. it is. i might not take my medicine and just stay up, eat a twinkie and call it a night. im liking those banana twinkies. they taste good when you burp them. becky didn't want to cuddle tonight. i forgot to put deodorant under one arm so one armpit is stankin. that don't happen very often anymore (since i quit smoking pot) but at least we know the underlying root cause isn't the pot. ive already had three dreams since i went to bed, so, im good in the dream department. my quota has been met. i need to paint my nails- awful shabby. i think ima run down to edwardsville today and eat at red robin. maybe see if lorie wants to meet me. i dunno yet. if i get up at a decent hour. the unibomber seems mad still cuz i ain't sick- so i wouldn't mind flying the coop for good. i better go put my baby in the tub and get on craigland.
i woke up to take my second dose of medication early and decided to eat a quick bowl of soup. told you the shit was the bomb. it is. i might not take my medicine and just stay up, eat a twinkie and call it a night. im liking those banana twinkies. they taste good when you burp them. becky didn't want to cuddle tonight. i forgot to put deodorant under one arm so one armpit is stankin. that don't happen very often anymore (since i quit smoking pot) but at least we know the underlying root cause isn't the pot. ive already had three dreams since i went to bed, so, im good in the dream department. my quota has been met. i need to paint my nails- awful shabby. i think ima run down to edwardsville today and eat at red robin. maybe see if lorie wants to meet me. i dunno yet. if i get up at a decent hour. the unibomber seems mad still cuz i ain't sick- so i wouldn't mind flying the coop for good. i better go put my baby in the tub and get on craigland.
January 27, 2011
chinga
dear i do make the best soup diary,
if you could out soup me- oh do please try- i love soup. soup is good food. now i am full. and i got a whole giant pot of soup to eat and a turkey to cook tomorrow. i might wait til saturday to do the turkey tho. its a smoked turkey. ive never had a smoked turkey before. thought about trying something new. i got some beautiful green beans i cant wait to cook. mmmmmmmmm. damn i love green beans. who could hate a green bean. my people are all wantin to take their taxes to the boat. im like WHY? WHY? WHY? let's go to vegas. i told them i would roll up there with them- but leave me at applebee's. ill sit there and eat and play online. i don't wanta go on the boat and waste my time. im not much on applebee's either, but i know there's one there, so they can drop me off- i wont be scared. it will be nice to relax anyway- and be far away from home- or maybe i'll drop them off and they can text me when they're done. i'll be the one to come home with money too, and a full tummy too, and they'll be cryin all the way home BOO FUCKING HOO.
if you could out soup me- oh do please try- i love soup. soup is good food. now i am full. and i got a whole giant pot of soup to eat and a turkey to cook tomorrow. i might wait til saturday to do the turkey tho. its a smoked turkey. ive never had a smoked turkey before. thought about trying something new. i got some beautiful green beans i cant wait to cook. mmmmmmmmm. damn i love green beans. who could hate a green bean. my people are all wantin to take their taxes to the boat. im like WHY? WHY? WHY? let's go to vegas. i told them i would roll up there with them- but leave me at applebee's. ill sit there and eat and play online. i don't wanta go on the boat and waste my time. im not much on applebee's either, but i know there's one there, so they can drop me off- i wont be scared. it will be nice to relax anyway- and be far away from home- or maybe i'll drop them off and they can text me when they're done. i'll be the one to come home with money too, and a full tummy too, and they'll be cryin all the way home BOO FUCKING HOO.
ham sandwich anyone?
dear don't look like potato soup to me diary,
well then make it yourself bitch i ate a twinkie. keep it up i wont even make it at all- how's that. huh? two can play that game. i just started the dryer again- i washed all my kitchen rags. i wash them all together because they get nasty and stink and i use heavy bleach and soak them for a month and a half. ok not six weeks but a couple of hours because i like them extra clean- then i fold each one and inspect it- and make sure it gunna please me. because nothing pisses me off more than a rag that looks all greasy. so i will make soup i suppose but not on command. i don't do fucking anything at a demand. i am not a dog, do not tell me to sit. because in your face- i will spit.
well then make it yourself bitch i ate a twinkie. keep it up i wont even make it at all- how's that. huh? two can play that game. i just started the dryer again- i washed all my kitchen rags. i wash them all together because they get nasty and stink and i use heavy bleach and soak them for a month and a half. ok not six weeks but a couple of hours because i like them extra clean- then i fold each one and inspect it- and make sure it gunna please me. because nothing pisses me off more than a rag that looks all greasy. so i will make soup i suppose but not on command. i don't do fucking anything at a demand. i am not a dog, do not tell me to sit. because in your face- i will spit.
nobody's punk
dear after this diary,
after i write this very last entry, i have got to get my buttend into gear. ima be on display again tonight, as always. like a new watch for sale. its my own fault tho, its a fucking production wherever i go anymore. people expect it from me now. and i wish sometimes to be quiet- just there. but Karma shines her light upon me- making everyone notice, and they do. thank goodness Karma is my friend. so tonight ill put my smile on, and laugh really warm and loud, and sit really tall and proud and wait for my rewards, and wait for the day my voice is heard the first time. all my life and until now ive been so very much alone with all of these good people around me. nobody would listen to anything i said- until now its all making sense. well, now i cant turn back time, and tell you all again, and again and again- it doesn't matter anymore. people already labeled me nothing but a whore. whores aren't smart- they don't know shit- they drivel and they are boring. they are evil disease ridden creatures who lie and cheat and steal and have wood laminate flooring. im excited to report- i am nothing of the sort, i am a new world whore.
after i write this very last entry, i have got to get my buttend into gear. ima be on display again tonight, as always. like a new watch for sale. its my own fault tho, its a fucking production wherever i go anymore. people expect it from me now. and i wish sometimes to be quiet- just there. but Karma shines her light upon me- making everyone notice, and they do. thank goodness Karma is my friend. so tonight ill put my smile on, and laugh really warm and loud, and sit really tall and proud and wait for my rewards, and wait for the day my voice is heard the first time. all my life and until now ive been so very much alone with all of these good people around me. nobody would listen to anything i said- until now its all making sense. well, now i cant turn back time, and tell you all again, and again and again- it doesn't matter anymore. people already labeled me nothing but a whore. whores aren't smart- they don't know shit- they drivel and they are boring. they are evil disease ridden creatures who lie and cheat and steal and have wood laminate flooring. im excited to report- i am nothing of the sort, i am a new world whore.
it is as such
dear let us speak in literal terms diary,
don't tell me i have lost my mind. i know right where its at. don't tell me that you love me and hit me with a bat. don't sit around all day and judge me because i don't do shit. if i did that to you, boy, you would certainly have a fit. and now you stomp around the house here because i haven't got sick. i haven't puked and i haven't shit and man your anger is rather thick. now you're coughing and your nose is full and you're, "gunna have it for months," and you're pissed off cuz im not sick and i haven't been sick once.
well.... we haven't kissed in eight years and we don't hold hands- fuck we barely even talk. you take showers- i take baths- i drink water- you drink pop. you don't like breakfast- i don't like lunch- i don't think you smile. i really never see you when the harley's out. im not complaining.
don't tell me i have lost my mind. i know right where its at. don't tell me that you love me and hit me with a bat. don't sit around all day and judge me because i don't do shit. if i did that to you, boy, you would certainly have a fit. and now you stomp around the house here because i haven't got sick. i haven't puked and i haven't shit and man your anger is rather thick. now you're coughing and your nose is full and you're, "gunna have it for months," and you're pissed off cuz im not sick and i haven't been sick once.
well.... we haven't kissed in eight years and we don't hold hands- fuck we barely even talk. you take showers- i take baths- i drink water- you drink pop. you don't like breakfast- i don't like lunch- i don't think you smile. i really never see you when the harley's out. im not complaining.
next please
dear awake for the day diary,
after a dream like that, i had to start over- wasn't any way i wanted the goat fresh on my mind. i took another nap and erased the dream slate- i made noodles this time- with no shirt on- with a date. the man came up behind me and held my bare breasts- i was trying to make the noodles for our guests. i paused for a moment to give him a kiss, then on making the noodles in a big glass dish. i don't know who the man was- but he kissed very well, it was a long passionate kiss and i was comfortable- i could tell. i seemed happy mixing the noodles for him in that way, it seemed like id been there another day. im most certain the man who kissed me wasn't the goat, nor was it the wanna be hero who sails a boat. im uncertain of the mans identity, so maybe there is a man waiting for me.
after a dream like that, i had to start over- wasn't any way i wanted the goat fresh on my mind. i took another nap and erased the dream slate- i made noodles this time- with no shirt on- with a date. the man came up behind me and held my bare breasts- i was trying to make the noodles for our guests. i paused for a moment to give him a kiss, then on making the noodles in a big glass dish. i don't know who the man was- but he kissed very well, it was a long passionate kiss and i was comfortable- i could tell. i seemed happy mixing the noodles for him in that way, it seemed like id been there another day. im most certain the man who kissed me wasn't the goat, nor was it the wanna be hero who sails a boat. im uncertain of the mans identity, so maybe there is a man waiting for me.
the roof the roof the roof (is on fire)
dear favorite day of the weak diary,
just another magic thursday. here come the boys. walk like an egyptian. i hate it when the fire trucks go by. all the outside dogs start barking. gives me a headache too. the DAY my house is paid off- im calling the city and demanding to be put on the DO NOT RESPOND list because i don't want those people here. let my shit burn. i got insurance. i do not want to live here- let the bitch go. i don't want anyone to take advantage of me while im being a victim of something horrible. and first responders are the first ones that can. i know because if seen a first responder (a 'hero') do it. believe me- some hero's ain't all they are cracked up to be. you cant SIGN UP to be a HERO. i don't think anyways. and if you do- you're a fake hero. cuz true hero status is something that falls upon someone- not something someone seeks out. ive never had the opportunity to meet a true hero yet.
just another magic thursday. here come the boys. walk like an egyptian. i hate it when the fire trucks go by. all the outside dogs start barking. gives me a headache too. the DAY my house is paid off- im calling the city and demanding to be put on the DO NOT RESPOND list because i don't want those people here. let my shit burn. i got insurance. i do not want to live here- let the bitch go. i don't want anyone to take advantage of me while im being a victim of something horrible. and first responders are the first ones that can. i know because if seen a first responder (a 'hero') do it. believe me- some hero's ain't all they are cracked up to be. you cant SIGN UP to be a HERO. i don't think anyways. and if you do- you're a fake hero. cuz true hero status is something that falls upon someone- not something someone seeks out. ive never had the opportunity to meet a true hero yet.
scream maybe (not cream)
dear dream report/complaint department diary,
im shocked at my dream to say the least, and the quicker i get out of here and move east, the better i will feel in so many ways, believe you me- i am counting the days. last night i was planning to board my boat, huh, well, i didn't, instead I DREAMED OF THE GOAT. whatever would make me do such a thing, i dunno, but it all but RUINED my dream. i sure did wake up and scratch my head- and then i looked back where id just been so happy and couldn't believe id dream something so nasty. and now i gotta live with this for the rest of the day- and go to work tonight with it on my mind this way. ill prolly share it with all my co-workers tonight- and then they'll make fun of my embarrassing plight. at LEAST i know it was just a dream, and nothing about him that could actually make me cream.
im shocked at my dream to say the least, and the quicker i get out of here and move east, the better i will feel in so many ways, believe you me- i am counting the days. last night i was planning to board my boat, huh, well, i didn't, instead I DREAMED OF THE GOAT. whatever would make me do such a thing, i dunno, but it all but RUINED my dream. i sure did wake up and scratch my head- and then i looked back where id just been so happy and couldn't believe id dream something so nasty. and now i gotta live with this for the rest of the day- and go to work tonight with it on my mind this way. ill prolly share it with all my co-workers tonight- and then they'll make fun of my embarrassing plight. at LEAST i know it was just a dream, and nothing about him that could actually make me cream.
i am going to bed i swear
dear still cant seem to go to bed,
im yawning tho, so that's a start. when it the time to draw a line? that's why i feel bad for people who still want to race. when is the race over? how do you know when to take off your pants anyway? my pants are off. but my feet ain't tired. i quit racing a long time ago. ima tourist now. a creeper of sorts. all i do these days is walk on the line and take my little pictures. i push the envelope running my mouth, but you ain't gotta read my Karma driven drivel- ive never watched one episode of jersey shore. if you don't want to know me- find a different whore. im still pissed as fuck about allot of different things- and im on the cusp of reaching a very big dream. that stupid bitch will listen to every word i say, every single word- every single day. and you know she is. hahhahahaahahah.
im yawning tho, so that's a start. when it the time to draw a line? that's why i feel bad for people who still want to race. when is the race over? how do you know when to take off your pants anyway? my pants are off. but my feet ain't tired. i quit racing a long time ago. ima tourist now. a creeper of sorts. all i do these days is walk on the line and take my little pictures. i push the envelope running my mouth, but you ain't gotta read my Karma driven drivel- ive never watched one episode of jersey shore. if you don't want to know me- find a different whore. im still pissed as fuck about allot of different things- and im on the cusp of reaching a very big dream. that stupid bitch will listen to every word i say, every single word- every single day. and you know she is. hahhahahaahahah.
rubber duckie (sunk)
dear now i made cookies diary,
that is the only thing that would suck about being a dog, not eating cookies. i love oatmeal cookies. i love brushing my teeth too, so i guess cookies ain't the only thing that would suck. id miss wiping my ass too. and driving. and using forks. becky watches tv with me. she has favorite commercials. i rewind them for her. it makes the TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY FOUR DOLLAR cable bill so worth while. im furious about that too, btw. $234 bucks and there has been nothing but shit on tv since before christmas. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. and i am sick to the fuck tired of the shit. i haven't made a phonecall on my homephone in YEARS. i almost called comcast when i was in the bathtub today to see why my shit went up almost forty bucks- but i played with my rubber duckie instead- till it got filled up with water and sunk. enclosed please find the picture of my sinking duckie. goodnight y'all.
that is the only thing that would suck about being a dog, not eating cookies. i love oatmeal cookies. i love brushing my teeth too, so i guess cookies ain't the only thing that would suck. id miss wiping my ass too. and driving. and using forks. becky watches tv with me. she has favorite commercials. i rewind them for her. it makes the TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY FOUR DOLLAR cable bill so worth while. im furious about that too, btw. $234 bucks and there has been nothing but shit on tv since before christmas. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. and i am sick to the fuck tired of the shit. i haven't made a phonecall on my homephone in YEARS. i almost called comcast when i was in the bathtub today to see why my shit went up almost forty bucks- but i played with my rubber duckie instead- till it got filled up with water and sunk. enclosed please find the picture of my sinking duckie. goodnight y'all.
January 26, 2011
get up (before i get you up)
dear ain't got on the ship yet diary,
have you ever been sorry, but not been sorry? cuz like i am sorry, but i am not sorry. does that make sense? ok. i know it doesn't, i just read what i wrote. ok i'll try again then. i am sorry. but i am not sorry for what someone would automatically assume i would be sorry for. i am in no way intending on admitting what i am sorry for, that would ultimately be up to you to decide what you would want me to be sorry for. but it prolly ain't that, i will tell you now. what i am sorry for is far and beyond reasons i think that you have yet come to realize yet. and when those theories pass through your heart and sorrow overwhelms you- you will know then what i am sorry for and how i wish i could be there to help you. i know it may seem strange to hear me say these things after the shit ive spewed- but that wasn't so much for you as it was to you know who- your beautiful cuntface wife. i hate that lying bitch. she'll get her wish. you should be the one to give it to her.
have you ever been sorry, but not been sorry? cuz like i am sorry, but i am not sorry. does that make sense? ok. i know it doesn't, i just read what i wrote. ok i'll try again then. i am sorry. but i am not sorry for what someone would automatically assume i would be sorry for. i am in no way intending on admitting what i am sorry for, that would ultimately be up to you to decide what you would want me to be sorry for. but it prolly ain't that, i will tell you now. what i am sorry for is far and beyond reasons i think that you have yet come to realize yet. and when those theories pass through your heart and sorrow overwhelms you- you will know then what i am sorry for and how i wish i could be there to help you. i know it may seem strange to hear me say these things after the shit ive spewed- but that wasn't so much for you as it was to you know who- your beautiful cuntface wife. i hate that lying bitch. she'll get her wish. you should be the one to give it to her.
tuning in to the dream channel
dear going to bed will be nice tonight diary,
stretching out my feet tonight and throwin my arm around becky, that is what ive wanted all day and that is for what i am so ready. i might just make it to a decent hour too, i didn't realize it was this close to time, i thought it was still all early and shit- id have to stay up. but after that suck ass night last night- i could go to bed now- and prolly sleep till noon or later i don't even see how- waking up any sooner would even be possible- with the tv beepin- becky panting- last nights sleep was terrible. ima drift away and sleep on a boat and rock on the water, maybe make a little love and laugh and play with the captain of my charter. at least that's what i hope to dream, tonight when i sleep in my bed holding becky.
stretching out my feet tonight and throwin my arm around becky, that is what ive wanted all day and that is for what i am so ready. i might just make it to a decent hour too, i didn't realize it was this close to time, i thought it was still all early and shit- id have to stay up. but after that suck ass night last night- i could go to bed now- and prolly sleep till noon or later i don't even see how- waking up any sooner would even be possible- with the tv beepin- becky panting- last nights sleep was terrible. ima drift away and sleep on a boat and rock on the water, maybe make a little love and laugh and play with the captain of my charter. at least that's what i hope to dream, tonight when i sleep in my bed holding becky.
lead me on (and take control of how i dream)
dear on in the city diary,
i need to read my cards soon, i got them out the otherday but i have yet to do it. i found all my notes from my last reading too. i always take notes. its fun to read back and see what actually came true and what didn't. its weird tho how damned accurate they are. i think that's why ive been draggin ass on reading mine now. i was explaining to the haircutter tonight how dreams work- she says she doesn't dream. i told her shes not remembering her dreams- she is blocking them out for some reason- because everyone dreams- i suggested she begin setting a dream alarm at the same time every night- well early in the morning- and write down anything she can think of- and if there is nothing there- keep changing the time of the alarm by half an hour until there is. "pan for gold," i told her, train your brain to dream. i could dream now. but my days and nights are so fucked up. ima have to go to disneyland to get back on schedule i think.
i need to read my cards soon, i got them out the otherday but i have yet to do it. i found all my notes from my last reading too. i always take notes. its fun to read back and see what actually came true and what didn't. its weird tho how damned accurate they are. i think that's why ive been draggin ass on reading mine now. i was explaining to the haircutter tonight how dreams work- she says she doesn't dream. i told her shes not remembering her dreams- she is blocking them out for some reason- because everyone dreams- i suggested she begin setting a dream alarm at the same time every night- well early in the morning- and write down anything she can think of- and if there is nothing there- keep changing the time of the alarm by half an hour until there is. "pan for gold," i told her, train your brain to dream. i could dream now. but my days and nights are so fucked up. ima have to go to disneyland to get back on schedule i think.
yummy for the chinhairs
dear sailing away on the wings of love into the knife,
bring me a blow torch. someone needs a blow job. i am bored now. i started feeling the other chinhair protrude from my chin tonight. i should be able to harvest it tomorrow. i could prolly grab it tonight- however risking it i deem better to wait until a better grip with my tiny tight tweezers. its always best to yank it both ways- like a tooth- before that final pull downward- as if loosening it somehow helps it lose its hold to the root. that banana twinkie was the buttfucking bomb. it had a load of twinkie cream in it. the last time i ate a twinkie i cut it in half and ate all the cream with half the twinkie. they must have been short on the cream that month. same with the suzy-Q's- i buy them for the cream- i used to- when the cream filling was worthadamn. everything pretty much sucks now since they all switched from sugar to high fructose corn syrup. but SHOUT OUT to the banana twinkie people. i liked them.
bring me a blow torch. someone needs a blow job. i am bored now. i started feeling the other chinhair protrude from my chin tonight. i should be able to harvest it tomorrow. i could prolly grab it tonight- however risking it i deem better to wait until a better grip with my tiny tight tweezers. its always best to yank it both ways- like a tooth- before that final pull downward- as if loosening it somehow helps it lose its hold to the root. that banana twinkie was the buttfucking bomb. it had a load of twinkie cream in it. the last time i ate a twinkie i cut it in half and ate all the cream with half the twinkie. they must have been short on the cream that month. same with the suzy-Q's- i buy them for the cream- i used to- when the cream filling was worthadamn. everything pretty much sucks now since they all switched from sugar to high fructose corn syrup. but SHOUT OUT to the banana twinkie people. i liked them.
hate the lottery
dear punish me i like it diary,
so i stopped to get a lottery ticket on the way home from trisha's just now, ill tell you the numbers in a second, but ive had this winning five dollar ticket in my purse for a while- and i thought id just trade it in for a ticket- and turns out that it wasn't a five dollar winner, but a twenty-five dollar winner- man i was happy. okay here's the numbers- they're comin on now- 51, 18, 23, 7, 36, 41, but i already know i didn't win without even looking because of that one fucking number. eww. ima look. nope i sure didn't win this time. i wasted my money. oh fucking well, go to hell, ill try again on saturday.
so i stopped to get a lottery ticket on the way home from trisha's just now, ill tell you the numbers in a second, but ive had this winning five dollar ticket in my purse for a while- and i thought id just trade it in for a ticket- and turns out that it wasn't a five dollar winner, but a twenty-five dollar winner- man i was happy. okay here's the numbers- they're comin on now- 51, 18, 23, 7, 36, 41, but i already know i didn't win without even looking because of that one fucking number. eww. ima look. nope i sure didn't win this time. i wasted my money. oh fucking well, go to hell, ill try again on saturday.
built tough (bold and tasty)
dear no more dead ends diary,
after waking up at 2:30 in a panic, i took an hour bath. that was really nice. then i hurried to my hair appointment and my dad called as i was pulling in to park. he was having a fit- he needed to mail three letters. knowing id never get there before five- i sent prince harry in to get his done first- to go back across town to play mailman. daddy daddy daddy. then leaving his house- i didn't get but six blocks up the road- half way to my own house- and who do i run into- the real mailman- so i pull over- and hand off the special letters. my job was done. back to get my haircut. hopefully i still could. so i did. i got my ends all whacked off- what a mess on the floor- i invited my cutter woman to mexican food- she didn't want to eat with a whore. she said she was on some kind of diet- and i do not see why- she has a fantastic ass and body- i am not going to lie. i love her confidence- her mom owns the shop- you can tell she has some power there- just by the way shit drops. so then me and my kid had mexican food after we went to walmart, and you will shit when i tell you who walked in there. but i'll do that in a bit. i wanna eat a banana twinkie.
after waking up at 2:30 in a panic, i took an hour bath. that was really nice. then i hurried to my hair appointment and my dad called as i was pulling in to park. he was having a fit- he needed to mail three letters. knowing id never get there before five- i sent prince harry in to get his done first- to go back across town to play mailman. daddy daddy daddy. then leaving his house- i didn't get but six blocks up the road- half way to my own house- and who do i run into- the real mailman- so i pull over- and hand off the special letters. my job was done. back to get my haircut. hopefully i still could. so i did. i got my ends all whacked off- what a mess on the floor- i invited my cutter woman to mexican food- she didn't want to eat with a whore. she said she was on some kind of diet- and i do not see why- she has a fantastic ass and body- i am not going to lie. i love her confidence- her mom owns the shop- you can tell she has some power there- just by the way shit drops. so then me and my kid had mexican food after we went to walmart, and you will shit when i tell you who walked in there. but i'll do that in a bit. i wanna eat a banana twinkie.
doc (drug of choice)
dear mcdonalds at home is just as good diary,
i just made turkey bacon and chicken eggs and drank a halfa gallon of cold whole milk. yup im ready for a serious nap. you know, turkey bacon is already chewed up kindof- and damn near cooked like. i like the ruffly edges. i just finished my second package and this time it was the butterball brand- much better than oscar mayer. oh and by the way- the grump will not eat grilled shrimp so nobody needs to get him that when they bring him dinner. i just thought of that. wanted to get that in there. well i pretty much pulled an all nighter folks- with no narcotics. that's amazing. im not big on those anyway- i can only name a few- pot is my doc. lay them all out on the table- im walkin away with the weed- unless its brown. then ill leave with valium. and if theres no valium- ibuprofen then cuz vicodens make me sweat like i gave birth and i ain't in to all that. for real to the real. and i got all the darvocets i can handle- oh wait- ill take some versed... if its there. well that's about it for me. for now. ima floss and shut her down.
i just made turkey bacon and chicken eggs and drank a halfa gallon of cold whole milk. yup im ready for a serious nap. you know, turkey bacon is already chewed up kindof- and damn near cooked like. i like the ruffly edges. i just finished my second package and this time it was the butterball brand- much better than oscar mayer. oh and by the way- the grump will not eat grilled shrimp so nobody needs to get him that when they bring him dinner. i just thought of that. wanted to get that in there. well i pretty much pulled an all nighter folks- with no narcotics. that's amazing. im not big on those anyway- i can only name a few- pot is my doc. lay them all out on the table- im walkin away with the weed- unless its brown. then ill leave with valium. and if theres no valium- ibuprofen then cuz vicodens make me sweat like i gave birth and i ain't in to all that. for real to the real. and i got all the darvocets i can handle- oh wait- ill take some versed... if its there. well that's about it for me. for now. ima floss and shut her down.
you learn how to hate by watching
dear post number eighty three diary,
this post i hope my mom gets to read up in Heaven. high mom. damnit shes been gone a long time now- since 1983. twenty years later when i got her a tombstone (a whole nother post) now when i go out to visit her- it finally seems like she's there. i tried to go back to bed- but im awake now. sucks waking up. shoulda went to mcfuckingdonalds i guess. my oldest son says my mom haunts the upstairs at my dads house. it wouldn't surprise me. there was a lot of love there. she would have never wanted to leave- if she didn't have to. people don't understand the true meaning of tragedy. some are lucky and never will. those are the people i really hate.
this post i hope my mom gets to read up in Heaven. high mom. damnit shes been gone a long time now- since 1983. twenty years later when i got her a tombstone (a whole nother post) now when i go out to visit her- it finally seems like she's there. i tried to go back to bed- but im awake now. sucks waking up. shoulda went to mcfuckingdonalds i guess. my oldest son says my mom haunts the upstairs at my dads house. it wouldn't surprise me. there was a lot of love there. she would have never wanted to leave- if she didn't have to. people don't understand the true meaning of tragedy. some are lucky and never will. those are the people i really hate.
just a regular start to another kiss free year (wish me luck)
dear good mourning fucktard diary,
im up and not happy. the tv started beepin. don't worry- i ain't going to mcfuckindonalds- don't feel like burping that shit all day- or wait, sausage mcmuffins are on sale- don't worry- like i said, i ain't goin to mcfuckingdonalds. if it was 55 degrees out i mite. so now the unibomber is up. ha ha. ha ha. oh i already said that too huh. ima say it again with emphasis this time HA HA. but the dogs are sleeping thru the chaos. oh to be a dog. i wish i could mow the yard today- wouldn't that be fun? yup- no need to answer- it would. for me anyway. i cant wait to go back to bed. i was very disorientated when i HAD to get up- i almost fell over. it was like a fire drill. i grabbed becky and flew from the bed. we came out here where it was safe and shit wasn't flyin. things are quieter in there now. it may be safe to return, but ill give it a few more minutes. loud noises after i get right back to sleep scare the fucking shit out of me.
im up and not happy. the tv started beepin. don't worry- i ain't going to mcfuckindonalds- don't feel like burping that shit all day- or wait, sausage mcmuffins are on sale- don't worry- like i said, i ain't goin to mcfuckingdonalds. if it was 55 degrees out i mite. so now the unibomber is up. ha ha. ha ha. oh i already said that too huh. ima say it again with emphasis this time HA HA. but the dogs are sleeping thru the chaos. oh to be a dog. i wish i could mow the yard today- wouldn't that be fun? yup- no need to answer- it would. for me anyway. i cant wait to go back to bed. i was very disorientated when i HAD to get up- i almost fell over. it was like a fire drill. i grabbed becky and flew from the bed. we came out here where it was safe and shit wasn't flyin. things are quieter in there now. it may be safe to return, but ill give it a few more minutes. loud noises after i get right back to sleep scare the fucking shit out of me.
blasting thru a secure wormhole (one way only)
dear omg i am so dumb diary,
oh i forgot you're prolly fucking working today man- fuck that's a gd drag. sucks to be you. hearing voices? yeah thought you might be. i can explain that. im not the cause tho- so don't go file your lil papers. did you know that it is possible to travel in time? i just figured out how. aimee asked me how long ive been thinking about this last night when i tried to explain it to everyone, even demonstrating my theory by poking holes in my paper, but they didn't understand. see ever since i quit smoking pot, i been getting litttle bits of my brain, 'brian' back everyday. ive really missed brian, she is a good brain. but anyway, to time travel, you haveto go faster than the speed of light, right, and to go back in the past- well- you gotta slow down and go really fast backwards really slow. and to do this- all you need is enough ENERGY to get it done. that's the key. a shortcut- and energy to get there. i got the shortcut- i need the energy. i think it would be easier to go backwards than forwards- because when you go forwards you still have to come back and people my hair just grew. and i am half drunk right now. but when you go backwards- you'd still have to come forwards to come back- unless you just didn't want to. i wouldn't.
oh i forgot you're prolly fucking working today man- fuck that's a gd drag. sucks to be you. hearing voices? yeah thought you might be. i can explain that. im not the cause tho- so don't go file your lil papers. did you know that it is possible to travel in time? i just figured out how. aimee asked me how long ive been thinking about this last night when i tried to explain it to everyone, even demonstrating my theory by poking holes in my paper, but they didn't understand. see ever since i quit smoking pot, i been getting litttle bits of my brain, 'brian' back everyday. ive really missed brian, she is a good brain. but anyway, to time travel, you haveto go faster than the speed of light, right, and to go back in the past- well- you gotta slow down and go really fast backwards really slow. and to do this- all you need is enough ENERGY to get it done. that's the key. a shortcut- and energy to get there. i got the shortcut- i need the energy. i think it would be easier to go backwards than forwards- because when you go forwards you still have to come back and people my hair just grew. and i am half drunk right now. but when you go backwards- you'd still have to come forwards to come back- unless you just didn't want to. i wouldn't.
i think you met my boss (last night)
dear well that worked but i dont want to go to bed diary,
i dunno about all that. its been out of commission for along time. i wouldnt know a plan if it was pounded up my ass. gentleman, i am going into the arms business. new guns is what i am talking about. distribution. im getting away from prying eyes of course. ima set up operations at the city park. i might try laundering money too- while im at it. i already have several suppliers from china and the netherlands. the shipments arrived early last week. estimated productivity usage- unknown. failure to assume disciplinary codes to deactivate military issued components necessary to engage longterm skin toning efffects will void any further use of laundry equiptment and or facilities provided under netherland agreement number 420. this is a serious offer, one to not be neglected, and that means this is your last chance to consider so here is my card doc, keep in touch. your skin cells are facinating. i didnt get your name and i dont want it. new clean guns. what your body needs.
i dunno about all that. its been out of commission for along time. i wouldnt know a plan if it was pounded up my ass. gentleman, i am going into the arms business. new guns is what i am talking about. distribution. im getting away from prying eyes of course. ima set up operations at the city park. i might try laundering money too- while im at it. i already have several suppliers from china and the netherlands. the shipments arrived early last week. estimated productivity usage- unknown. failure to assume disciplinary codes to deactivate military issued components necessary to engage longterm skin toning efffects will void any further use of laundry equiptment and or facilities provided under netherland agreement number 420. this is a serious offer, one to not be neglected, and that means this is your last chance to consider so here is my card doc, keep in touch. your skin cells are facinating. i didnt get your name and i dont want it. new clean guns. what your body needs.
when loving the green things turns brown (stupid)
dear waking up late is wonderful diary,
i don't mind waking up late when there is nothing to get up for- like no reasons. but when i wake up with a full head- it's usually because i am sick or because i need to blow my nose. and i don't really much like getting up full in the head like that- not so much for me. as soon as the spring gets here- i have plants. i dunno where ill be to execute those plants, but i can not wait to reconnect with nature. i want to smell the budding greens and feel the mud and walk through the trees under the canopy of life beginning to wake up after the long sleep. to be able to kill my own plants is a feeling like no other. if it isn't carried out here, where i always am, it will be a curious journey- to see how life springs to action somewhere else for a change- after carefully nursing my plants through the winter and transferring them to another geographical location. because no matter where i go- it will all start over- their growth cycle. the secret is to watch and notice the differences. to capture a glimpse of what goes on- even when i am not there to witness the events. i realize its prolly about the same every time, but it will seems so special when i kill them this time.
i don't mind waking up late when there is nothing to get up for- like no reasons. but when i wake up with a full head- it's usually because i am sick or because i need to blow my nose. and i don't really much like getting up full in the head like that- not so much for me. as soon as the spring gets here- i have plants. i dunno where ill be to execute those plants, but i can not wait to reconnect with nature. i want to smell the budding greens and feel the mud and walk through the trees under the canopy of life beginning to wake up after the long sleep. to be able to kill my own plants is a feeling like no other. if it isn't carried out here, where i always am, it will be a curious journey- to see how life springs to action somewhere else for a change- after carefully nursing my plants through the winter and transferring them to another geographical location. because no matter where i go- it will all start over- their growth cycle. the secret is to watch and notice the differences. to capture a glimpse of what goes on- even when i am not there to witness the events. i realize its prolly about the same every time, but it will seems so special when i kill them this time.
i love the green things (fuck you)
dear waking up early sucks diary,
i don't mind waking up early when there is something to get up for- like a reason. but when i just waking up with a clear head- not so much for me. as soon as the spring gets here- oh man do i have plans. i dunno where ill be to execute those plans, but i can not wait to reconnect with nature. i want to smell the budding greens and feel the mud and walk through the trees under the canopy of life beginning to wake up after the long sleep. if it isn't here, where i always am, it will be a curious journey- to see how life springs to action somewhere else for a change. because no matter where i go- it will all start over- the cycle. the secret is to watch and notice the differences. to capture a glimpse of what goes on- even when i am not there to witness the events. i realize its prolly about the same everywhere, but it always seems so special where i am.
i don't mind waking up early when there is something to get up for- like a reason. but when i just waking up with a clear head- not so much for me. as soon as the spring gets here- oh man do i have plans. i dunno where ill be to execute those plans, but i can not wait to reconnect with nature. i want to smell the budding greens and feel the mud and walk through the trees under the canopy of life beginning to wake up after the long sleep. if it isn't here, where i always am, it will be a curious journey- to see how life springs to action somewhere else for a change. because no matter where i go- it will all start over- the cycle. the secret is to watch and notice the differences. to capture a glimpse of what goes on- even when i am not there to witness the events. i realize its prolly about the same everywhere, but it always seems so special where i am.
middle east (rare coin)
dear only fair to warn you diary,
sucker punch. prolly was a rough day yesterday. id like to imagine it was anyway. i dunno why i am the way i am, but now i find myself craving a big ass ham. yes, ham and fresh green beans would be very good, but im not eating canned of either- ima whore i know i should. but i have a taste for the better kinda of food- the kind you hafta cook and be in the mood. and im not in the mood to cook a big ham, or cook any green beans so fuckit then. spaghetti it is- or maybe its time for that meatloaf- hail yes. mmm with sweet catsup sauce browned on top there it is- dinner plans for dinner- thanks you guys- ill take a picture of it. this blog is a comfort to me- more than you know- the people here don't talk to me and sometimes i just wish they would go. if i could have my laptop and becky in prison- id prolly just turn myself in- because even tho there are no bars- and the doors aren't locked- im serving a sentence. and now i have more than one guard watching me- as if the unibomber wasn't enough, the city employee and the cuntface wife and kidney the minor- getta call more shots. but i have taken pictures, and im waiting to MOVE. but i still wait for the knock on my door, i got plenty of bond for the whore. but the sheriff said not to worry, and jack said the same thing too- but i continue to march right on- singing this same ole song. AND IMA SING IT TIL FURTHER NOTICE
sucker punch. prolly was a rough day yesterday. id like to imagine it was anyway. i dunno why i am the way i am, but now i find myself craving a big ass ham. yes, ham and fresh green beans would be very good, but im not eating canned of either- ima whore i know i should. but i have a taste for the better kinda of food- the kind you hafta cook and be in the mood. and im not in the mood to cook a big ham, or cook any green beans so fuckit then. spaghetti it is- or maybe its time for that meatloaf- hail yes. mmm with sweet catsup sauce browned on top there it is- dinner plans for dinner- thanks you guys- ill take a picture of it. this blog is a comfort to me- more than you know- the people here don't talk to me and sometimes i just wish they would go. if i could have my laptop and becky in prison- id prolly just turn myself in- because even tho there are no bars- and the doors aren't locked- im serving a sentence. and now i have more than one guard watching me- as if the unibomber wasn't enough, the city employee and the cuntface wife and kidney the minor- getta call more shots. but i have taken pictures, and im waiting to MOVE. but i still wait for the knock on my door, i got plenty of bond for the whore. but the sheriff said not to worry, and jack said the same thing too- but i continue to march right on- singing this same ole song. AND IMA SING IT TIL FURTHER NOTICE
here kitty kitty (kitty) original post date dec 2
dear diary,
so, wow, the skin on my teeth is really thin tonight, i dunno if my drive through the neighborhood to see the beautiful decorations was a narrow escape or not, as my paranoia sometimes alters my state of awareness in such a way that i am careless to consume my snacks of wisdom that often come sealed in protected videos that must be subpoenaed by a Judge in order to be viewed by someone other than me personally which is sometimes hard to see when there is a bow tie covering your two eyeballs that help you decide whether it is daytime or nighttime when you first wake up in case you're unable to witness a clock or what any timepiece might say because you simply refuse to look at it with the perspective that it may somehow direct you to commit yourself to a chore or graphing of an area you do not wish to visit again in your life because it causes torment when you stay to long and then them bitches start wanting rent and that is out of the question for real and all that will ever encompass and each time i look myself in the eye i think 'vile'- no- that motherfucker was pompous.
so, wow, the skin on my teeth is really thin tonight, i dunno if my drive through the neighborhood to see the beautiful decorations was a narrow escape or not, as my paranoia sometimes alters my state of awareness in such a way that i am careless to consume my snacks of wisdom that often come sealed in protected videos that must be subpoenaed by a Judge in order to be viewed by someone other than me personally which is sometimes hard to see when there is a bow tie covering your two eyeballs that help you decide whether it is daytime or nighttime when you first wake up in case you're unable to witness a clock or what any timepiece might say because you simply refuse to look at it with the perspective that it may somehow direct you to commit yourself to a chore or graphing of an area you do not wish to visit again in your life because it causes torment when you stay to long and then them bitches start wanting rent and that is out of the question for real and all that will ever encompass and each time i look myself in the eye i think 'vile'- no- that motherfucker was pompous.
January 25, 2011
elizabeth edwards tribute (born to shimmer) original post date dec 7
dear sad day of relief diary,
so, new day again. joy. again. i got dave matthews in my head now. hello david. that ants marching song. week ends. week begins. anywayways, stuttering again. becky farted. again. could you, nah. again. i wouldn't so why would you. again. the washer just started all by itself. again. the wonders of delayed washing. another life lost and wasted to cancer. again. cancer caused by a broken heart. maybe. again. dying before christmas- a final gift? yes. water into wine. again. another shade of red. again. another tear of salty pain. again. tonight another visit in my dream to bring this years love. again. the morning to awaken to the reality of empty shadows and loud shallow echos that fill my soul. always. again.
so, new day again. joy. again. i got dave matthews in my head now. hello david. that ants marching song. week ends. week begins. anywayways, stuttering again. becky farted. again. could you, nah. again. i wouldn't so why would you. again. the washer just started all by itself. again. the wonders of delayed washing. another life lost and wasted to cancer. again. cancer caused by a broken heart. maybe. again. dying before christmas- a final gift? yes. water into wine. again. another shade of red. again. another tear of salty pain. again. tonight another visit in my dream to bring this years love. again. the morning to awaken to the reality of empty shadows and loud shallow echos that fill my soul. always. again.
jamies got gum (jamie's still on the run) original post date dec 18
dear pissed off diary,
why do people go postal? gee, ill never understand that. insert your money here. oh it wont go? humm.. try again. already tried? get a different bill. don't have a different bill? try a coin. no coin? wow. you're just fucked then, time to go postal. it takes allot of time to go postal. you gotta plan that shit. you know? and when is the right time to go postal? what if you go postal at the wrong time, and run out of time, or don't have enough time? making time to go postal is an important part of inserting the bill at the right time. otherwise looking for a coin at the post office will drive you crazy.
insert bill in any direction. just hurry up- it's comin right back out. wtf is your deal with this post? do you like it that much?
why do people go postal? gee, ill never understand that. insert your money here. oh it wont go? humm.. try again. already tried? get a different bill. don't have a different bill? try a coin. no coin? wow. you're just fucked then, time to go postal. it takes allot of time to go postal. you gotta plan that shit. you know? and when is the right time to go postal? what if you go postal at the wrong time, and run out of time, or don't have enough time? making time to go postal is an important part of inserting the bill at the right time. otherwise looking for a coin at the post office will drive you crazy.
insert bill in any direction. just hurry up- it's comin right back out. wtf is your deal with this post? do you like it that much?
route 29 (broken down on the side) original peoria post date jan 5
dear speed limit for broken down cars and fucks diary,
i think you are swimming in a pond with a shallow end only my dear craiger. i apologize if i urinated in your crystal blue water and turned it green. my pH level is neutral, it shouldn't cause toooooo much damage to your mudflap. so what crawled in your panties? you just need some special attention? santa suck this year? poor baby. you get more with honey than piss. unless its my piss. my piss and spit is really sweet. i dunno crackerhead, but you need to spiffy up because you are one super boring fella. and im easily amused.
i think you are swimming in a pond with a shallow end only my dear craiger. i apologize if i urinated in your crystal blue water and turned it green. my pH level is neutral, it shouldn't cause toooooo much damage to your mudflap. so what crawled in your panties? you just need some special attention? santa suck this year? poor baby. you get more with honey than piss. unless its my piss. my piss and spit is really sweet. i dunno crackerhead, but you need to spiffy up because you are one super boring fella. and im easily amused.
marty joe gym shoe (minus teeth)
dear i love george lopez diary,
one word, cute. i love animation. he is a human cartoon. i used to wanta do my first tv late nite show stand up gig on letterman- not anymore- its lopez now- without a doubt. ive already been on letterman anyway. the producer came up to me and said, and i swear to GOD, Jesus in the sky, Mother Teresa, all of them, he said, "don't i know you from somewhere?" omfg- i almost fucking fell over. i took my first born dog there to stupid pet tricks on february 6, 1996, and we stood on the stage of the ed sullivan theatre- right where the beatles did. can you say GOOSEBUMPS? that's a good video. that was a funny dog. he is dead now- as you all know- he got hit by the UPS truck when we lived in the country at the farm on April 4th, 2000, about 8:16pm during who wants to be a millionaire. his last words were, "ouch." i took alot of shit on the st louis boards for 'letting my dog run loose,' but we lived in the country- and he died doing what he loved to do- chase cars- which he NEVER did in the city. he was twelve years old and had no teeth- and kinda bitchy- and i had to cook him special beef, and mix with hard food soaked in canned beef broth, otherwise he wouldn't eat anything- he lost his teeth cuz of a shot- he got bit as a puppy and almost died- the vet told me it would happen- and when it did- i cried. he lost all his teeth- one by one- but when he bit you it didn't hurt none. in fact it was funny to make him get pissed, when he would snap it was a viscous kiss. he thought he was mean when he'd tear at your arm- so we let him run loose at the farm. i miss that dog- as dead as he is- he never hurt the boys as much as he bit 'em, and it sure was fun tellin him to get 'em.
one word, cute. i love animation. he is a human cartoon. i used to wanta do my first tv late nite show stand up gig on letterman- not anymore- its lopez now- without a doubt. ive already been on letterman anyway. the producer came up to me and said, and i swear to GOD, Jesus in the sky, Mother Teresa, all of them, he said, "don't i know you from somewhere?" omfg- i almost fucking fell over. i took my first born dog there to stupid pet tricks on february 6, 1996, and we stood on the stage of the ed sullivan theatre- right where the beatles did. can you say GOOSEBUMPS? that's a good video. that was a funny dog. he is dead now- as you all know- he got hit by the UPS truck when we lived in the country at the farm on April 4th, 2000, about 8:16pm during who wants to be a millionaire. his last words were, "ouch." i took alot of shit on the st louis boards for 'letting my dog run loose,' but we lived in the country- and he died doing what he loved to do- chase cars- which he NEVER did in the city. he was twelve years old and had no teeth- and kinda bitchy- and i had to cook him special beef, and mix with hard food soaked in canned beef broth, otherwise he wouldn't eat anything- he lost his teeth cuz of a shot- he got bit as a puppy and almost died- the vet told me it would happen- and when it did- i cried. he lost all his teeth- one by one- but when he bit you it didn't hurt none. in fact it was funny to make him get pissed, when he would snap it was a viscous kiss. he thought he was mean when he'd tear at your arm- so we let him run loose at the farm. i miss that dog- as dead as he is- he never hurt the boys as much as he bit 'em, and it sure was fun tellin him to get 'em.
living to keep my teeth (and have a clean kitchen)
dear definite missed connection in walgreens diary,
i love going out in my pajamas. nobody looks at me. except tonight. the thugs in the potato chip isle had it really going on. they mustve known i have a badass dog at home. if it was warmer out- one of them woulda been with me. i was hoping one of them would lose a tooth- cuz i woulda picked it up and taken it to the pawn shop tomorrow. not because i need the money, i just don't have any use for a gold tooth. i am sure ill see one of them again tonight later in my dreams- and oh boy- i am excited. ill be sure and sleep on a towel. pray its a 'G' rated dream or ill suffer all fucking day tomorrow. i called heather today at dr phil's office- left a message- she never called back, had my ringer on all day long too. having my ringer on is no longer a dangerous operation, i just choose not to use it. i prefer to have a quiet phone. the dumb fucks wanted to make a cake tonight ans i put my foot through that idea. the lady just cleaned the house, and that's what happened last week. she came and made the house sparkling clean- and they ripped through it like bonehead terrorists and we lived like british scum for a week. NOT THIS WEEK NOT THIS WEEK. im not going to pay her to come and clean the kitchen so y'all can make a cake. fuck that. i want scrambled eggs at least.
i love going out in my pajamas. nobody looks at me. except tonight. the thugs in the potato chip isle had it really going on. they mustve known i have a badass dog at home. if it was warmer out- one of them woulda been with me. i was hoping one of them would lose a tooth- cuz i woulda picked it up and taken it to the pawn shop tomorrow. not because i need the money, i just don't have any use for a gold tooth. i am sure ill see one of them again tonight later in my dreams- and oh boy- i am excited. ill be sure and sleep on a towel. pray its a 'G' rated dream or ill suffer all fucking day tomorrow. i called heather today at dr phil's office- left a message- she never called back, had my ringer on all day long too. having my ringer on is no longer a dangerous operation, i just choose not to use it. i prefer to have a quiet phone. the dumb fucks wanted to make a cake tonight ans i put my foot through that idea. the lady just cleaned the house, and that's what happened last week. she came and made the house sparkling clean- and they ripped through it like bonehead terrorists and we lived like british scum for a week. NOT THIS WEEK NOT THIS WEEK. im not going to pay her to come and clean the kitchen so y'all can make a cake. fuck that. i want scrambled eggs at least.
that show is dumb (rather watch obama)
dear i appreciate my dishwasher diary,
loading the dishwasher sometimes seems like a pain in the ass, but stuffing dirty dishes into an appliance is truly ingenious. then removing them clean and feeling you've actually done something- the real reward. when will they ever invent a dryer that folds the fucking towels anyway? that's what i need. i have over a hundred towels. and when they are all dirty- its a fucking shame. wheel of fortune sucks. i liked it better when the contestants went shopping at the end of the show. "i want the lamp for $600 and the couch for $500." and the wheel sounds different too. so im getting my hair cut tomorrow- pretty pumped about that- the snake shed again so i know its time. the grump is being extremely rude rite now barking at me for no reason. i hate it when he does that shit. oh he wanted to sit by me. how lovely. ima make another poll. my intentions are to ask if anyone would be interested in seeing porn pictures of the grump? im thinking it'll be a yes or no question- with a fucked up opinion maybe. ill see about doin that after while when obama comes on.
loading the dishwasher sometimes seems like a pain in the ass, but stuffing dirty dishes into an appliance is truly ingenious. then removing them clean and feeling you've actually done something- the real reward. when will they ever invent a dryer that folds the fucking towels anyway? that's what i need. i have over a hundred towels. and when they are all dirty- its a fucking shame. wheel of fortune sucks. i liked it better when the contestants went shopping at the end of the show. "i want the lamp for $600 and the couch for $500." and the wheel sounds different too. so im getting my hair cut tomorrow- pretty pumped about that- the snake shed again so i know its time. the grump is being extremely rude rite now barking at me for no reason. i hate it when he does that shit. oh he wanted to sit by me. how lovely. ima make another poll. my intentions are to ask if anyone would be interested in seeing porn pictures of the grump? im thinking it'll be a yes or no question- with a fucked up opinion maybe. ill see about doin that after while when obama comes on.
my city will hire a porn star
dear my city don't care about morality diary,
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let me tail you a story that happened some time ago, i wont use any names, and if you think its about you- you better just go. some one posted a picture of their penis and it looked just like this hang on ill go get it ...
there its now as seen below- well- someone emailed that picture to our city manager and the employee- he had a fit. now, the employee, he did not get fired- but it inspired the city manager to suspend him for awhile.
for the next three months- in january of 06- the city employee had lots of extramarital sex. that's when he had affairs with the men- and that's when he had all that money to spend. i took the blame and told the city i had posted it- so he wouldn't lose his job- the only thing he was good at. but it was in an account under his name- with a password- only in his brain. after i saw the picture i told him in clear words- YOUR DICK ISN'T BIG ENOUGH TO POST HONEY. and after five years of loving (not his dick lol) i finally got wise and sent the pic to his WIFE. he didn't like that either.
to my fingerbangers (wash your hands)
dear im getting nervous diary,
i been looking around and clicking around and people are really reading my drivel. there's a link page thing on here telling you how many people come here- 688 people- some from singapore and canada and australia and just all over the place. and i don't even know anyone from there. SHOUT OUT CANADA!! SHOUT OUT SINGAPORE!! SHOUT OUT AUSSIE! but what's really got my buzzin- is the other 600 hits here in the USA- and to all them folks- i also wanta say HAY!! so i used to just post away- figurin nobody was reading my shit- and now that i see the numbers after only ONE week- i am having an absolute fit. so ima just keep driveling like i have been, and if you have a suggestion i suggest you leave it then. if something particular topic is on your mind- post it on craigland, ill copy that bitch and post it here- that way its safe from the flagger man.
i been looking around and clicking around and people are really reading my drivel. there's a link page thing on here telling you how many people come here- 688 people- some from singapore and canada and australia and just all over the place. and i don't even know anyone from there. SHOUT OUT CANADA!! SHOUT OUT SINGAPORE!! SHOUT OUT AUSSIE! but what's really got my buzzin- is the other 600 hits here in the USA- and to all them folks- i also wanta say HAY!! so i used to just post away- figurin nobody was reading my shit- and now that i see the numbers after only ONE week- i am having an absolute fit. so ima just keep driveling like i have been, and if you have a suggestion i suggest you leave it then. if something particular topic is on your mind- post it on craigland, ill copy that bitch and post it here- that way its safe from the flagger man.
oatmeal on the menu (for becky)
dear things get easier when you move the laptop,
im gettin smart in my old age. it would appear. its much easier when i have company on both sides of me to type when we all have more room. the bed. this is what i want now. for a minute anyway. then next i want fajitas. boy do i ever. i haven't wanted them as badly as i do for a long while. im frayed. and i just had them on sunday. oink oink. im mad about fajitas, but i dont eat the tortillas. they are food of the anti-christ. all judgements aside, the filling that one is to put in the soft tortilla shells are food meant for the Gods. the last thing i hope to consume in my life- would be fajitas- or the chicken sandwich with pineapple at red robin. thank goodness my house is clean again. i love shitting out fajitas in a clean toilet. becky needs a bath. her skin is so dry. ima soak her in oatmeal later- after dinner.
im gettin smart in my old age. it would appear. its much easier when i have company on both sides of me to type when we all have more room. the bed. this is what i want now. for a minute anyway. then next i want fajitas. boy do i ever. i haven't wanted them as badly as i do for a long while. im frayed. and i just had them on sunday. oink oink. im mad about fajitas, but i dont eat the tortillas. they are food of the anti-christ. all judgements aside, the filling that one is to put in the soft tortilla shells are food meant for the Gods. the last thing i hope to consume in my life- would be fajitas- or the chicken sandwich with pineapple at red robin. thank goodness my house is clean again. i love shitting out fajitas in a clean toilet. becky needs a bath. her skin is so dry. ima soak her in oatmeal later- after dinner.
so there then (whatever)
dear the longest ive ever been up diary,
i think ive set a record today. this could be the longest ive ever been up and awake without actually writing a whole entire beginning of a book. i could tho- plenty of ideas floating around up in my empty head, so that aint the problem, and there was a problem this morning- let me tail you. my computer took over a half a damned ass hour to catch up with itself and come on and work right today, so during that time- i learned how to email pictures from my phone to my email. smart aint i. i rebooted my laptop twice while i was learning and now everyone is happy. especially the grump who is taking up all kinds of his space next to me today here on the couch. the lady who cleans my house called and she wants to come earlier than usual- which ordinarily would be fine- but since my computer threw a fit today- now im behind and i haven't called dr phil back- the heather lady- so i need to do that before she comes. i don't think the people in new york liked the prospect of meeting up with dr phil AT ALL- so i may have to decline- respectfully and regretfully, or make them disguise my face. i think changing the laws are important- IF YOU GET AN ORDER OF PROTECTION AGAINST SOMEONE- THE PROTECTED PERSON SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO INTIMIDATE AND STALK THE PERSON THEY ARE AFRAID OF- IT SHOULD VIOLATE THE ORDER. bottom line and you shouldn't be allowed to mislead the court. but that's just me. and im just a whore.
i think ive set a record today. this could be the longest ive ever been up and awake without actually writing a whole entire beginning of a book. i could tho- plenty of ideas floating around up in my empty head, so that aint the problem, and there was a problem this morning- let me tail you. my computer took over a half a damned ass hour to catch up with itself and come on and work right today, so during that time- i learned how to email pictures from my phone to my email. smart aint i. i rebooted my laptop twice while i was learning and now everyone is happy. especially the grump who is taking up all kinds of his space next to me today here on the couch. the lady who cleans my house called and she wants to come earlier than usual- which ordinarily would be fine- but since my computer threw a fit today- now im behind and i haven't called dr phil back- the heather lady- so i need to do that before she comes. i don't think the people in new york liked the prospect of meeting up with dr phil AT ALL- so i may have to decline- respectfully and regretfully, or make them disguise my face. i think changing the laws are important- IF YOU GET AN ORDER OF PROTECTION AGAINST SOMEONE- THE PROTECTED PERSON SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO INTIMIDATE AND STALK THE PERSON THEY ARE AFRAID OF- IT SHOULD VIOLATE THE ORDER. bottom line and you shouldn't be allowed to mislead the court. but that's just me. and im just a whore.
thump a grump and make a lump (i dare you)
dear and now i suppose it wouldn't be fair diary,
leaving out the grump will only piss him off later when he gets on his computer under the kids bed and logs on and reads his dear diary of a retarded bitch whore and passes mine on the way and doesn't find his picture next to becky's so here you go. here is the grump- looking out the window- guarding his kong- on his birthday. it just happened to be his birthday tho- this is what he usually does.
leaving out the grump will only piss him off later when he gets on his computer under the kids bed and logs on and reads his dear diary of a retarded bitch whore and passes mine on the way and doesn't find his picture next to becky's so here you go. here is the grump- looking out the window- guarding his kong- on his birthday. it just happened to be his birthday tho- this is what he usually does.
will miss becky please raise her hand?
dear introducing becky diary,
so today ima introduce becky to y'all. please do not think she is funny looking, even tho she is a little bit. i learned how to put pictures from my phone on here today..... can i get a round of applause? i know im slow... i never have claimed to be fast. i was gunna make you wait til MAY. anyway... here she is...
miss america..... my love...
so today ima introduce becky to y'all. please do not think she is funny looking, even tho she is a little bit. i learned how to put pictures from my phone on here today..... can i get a round of applause? i know im slow... i never have claimed to be fast. i was gunna make you wait til MAY. anyway... here she is...
not guilty (and id GLADLY DO IT AGAIN)
dear having a hard time relaxing diary,
im eating an apple now. i like apples. they don't make me tired tho. i have a hard time at night. and it ain't cuz i nap during the whole entire waking day either so don't email me with those kind helpful tips about trying to stay awake during the day- it doesn't work. for me. nights are hard because its quiet. no traffic- no UPS man- nothing to make noise at me. and sometimes i just lay in bed and look up at the ceiling and that fucking lump gets in my throat. i hate that lump. i dunno why it comes either, i remind it of every reason it has not to come into my throat- yet it comes. i think its the guilt. the guilt of being so wrong about something. honestly- it still baffles me how 'off the charts' wrong i was about the whole deal, but knowing how it all turned out- i dunno- somehow makes it all ok. and that's fuckered up- in itself. i can only imagine now- that lump, and the ceilings above everyone else who lays below them. is there guilt weighing heavy there too? doubtful. still too much grief from their loss. im done grieving for that loss- you said you didn't want that anyway. but yet i do feel guilty. but not for the cuntface. not for one single second do i have one ounce of guilt or remorse for her.
im eating an apple now. i like apples. they don't make me tired tho. i have a hard time at night. and it ain't cuz i nap during the whole entire waking day either so don't email me with those kind helpful tips about trying to stay awake during the day- it doesn't work. for me. nights are hard because its quiet. no traffic- no UPS man- nothing to make noise at me. and sometimes i just lay in bed and look up at the ceiling and that fucking lump gets in my throat. i hate that lump. i dunno why it comes either, i remind it of every reason it has not to come into my throat- yet it comes. i think its the guilt. the guilt of being so wrong about something. honestly- it still baffles me how 'off the charts' wrong i was about the whole deal, but knowing how it all turned out- i dunno- somehow makes it all ok. and that's fuckered up- in itself. i can only imagine now- that lump, and the ceilings above everyone else who lays below them. is there guilt weighing heavy there too? doubtful. still too much grief from their loss. im done grieving for that loss- you said you didn't want that anyway. but yet i do feel guilty. but not for the cuntface. not for one single second do i have one ounce of guilt or remorse for her.
shopping to pack more (is stupid aint it)
dear jibber jabber diary central,
i got a shirt on my mind i saw at the mall. if i was a man tho- couldn't wear it. i take that back, i prolly could. id just look funny as all get out in it. im sure there are some men it would look fine on, just prolly not me. i need to get some new summer clothes bad, spring clothes especially. i cried packing up all of my true religions. they are all downstairs now. i cant believe how many pairs i have. i wanted to get them all ready to move when it was time to go- and they are all boxed up in my ugg boxes. i knew those boxes would come in handy for something. and they did. ive pretty much decided to take nothing but clothes and becky and whatever else fits in the car. i dunno if the car is stayin yet. it'll depend on the housing situation. you know you can't park there- you just can't.
i got a shirt on my mind i saw at the mall. if i was a man tho- couldn't wear it. i take that back, i prolly could. id just look funny as all get out in it. im sure there are some men it would look fine on, just prolly not me. i need to get some new summer clothes bad, spring clothes especially. i cried packing up all of my true religions. they are all downstairs now. i cant believe how many pairs i have. i wanted to get them all ready to move when it was time to go- and they are all boxed up in my ugg boxes. i knew those boxes would come in handy for something. and they did. ive pretty much decided to take nothing but clothes and becky and whatever else fits in the car. i dunno if the car is stayin yet. it'll depend on the housing situation. you know you can't park there- you just can't.
January 24, 2011
pink is a nice color (i think)
dear grooming in the bathtub diary,
im pretty confident ima man with grapefruit titties and long red fingernails and eyelashes like a queen- oh- and a really small penis- smaller than the city employee's even. i had a mustache. it sparkles when it is wet and holds bubbles. that in combination with the two chinhairs (my beard) and the one hair on my shoulder- im telling you- the signs are there- its creepy. but my feet aren't big, and my crotch isn't overly hairy. maybe im a feminine man. i drink beverages very fast, i like my meat bloody, and i ain't much on cuddling after fuckin either. i burp loud, i like my hair pulled during rough sex, and i ain't takin no shower after we get done- i might wipe off with a towel- if you wanna do it again- or i get stuck to the sheet. and i like to get real sweaty when im fuckin- and if i don't- im bored. i was thinking layin back in the bath tonight this could be a serious issue, and prolly one of the reasons i haven't been kissed in almost a year. maybe ill paint my nails pink and try that.
im pretty confident ima man with grapefruit titties and long red fingernails and eyelashes like a queen- oh- and a really small penis- smaller than the city employee's even. i had a mustache. it sparkles when it is wet and holds bubbles. that in combination with the two chinhairs (my beard) and the one hair on my shoulder- im telling you- the signs are there- its creepy. but my feet aren't big, and my crotch isn't overly hairy. maybe im a feminine man. i drink beverages very fast, i like my meat bloody, and i ain't much on cuddling after fuckin either. i burp loud, i like my hair pulled during rough sex, and i ain't takin no shower after we get done- i might wipe off with a towel- if you wanna do it again- or i get stuck to the sheet. and i like to get real sweaty when im fuckin- and if i don't- im bored. i was thinking layin back in the bath tonight this could be a serious issue, and prolly one of the reasons i haven't been kissed in almost a year. maybe ill paint my nails pink and try that.
morning should be spailt mourning
dear it would in fact figure diary,
so im watching the news and the bitch just reported, "sleeping with your furry friend can be dangerous to your health," but you have to stay up to watch the news in the mourning to find out why. i don't care if it takes 30 years off my life, i have to sleep with becky because i need that love in my life. i need to hold- i need to be held- and she is the only place i get that. becky has even trained me to where i can be held for extended periods of time too- whereas before- i was limited. i can sleep a whole nap with my head on her chest, or with her under my belly. when she insists on sharing my pillow, i usually wrap my arm around her and pull her tight to my chest and we spoon- but she always ends up at my belly- she seems to love it the best there. it makes me wanna pick her up and go on to bed now. i suppose i could record the news for in the mourning. but it makes me sad to watch the news when i first get up. maybe ill watch it tomorrow night.
so im watching the news and the bitch just reported, "sleeping with your furry friend can be dangerous to your health," but you have to stay up to watch the news in the mourning to find out why. i don't care if it takes 30 years off my life, i have to sleep with becky because i need that love in my life. i need to hold- i need to be held- and she is the only place i get that. becky has even trained me to where i can be held for extended periods of time too- whereas before- i was limited. i can sleep a whole nap with my head on her chest, or with her under my belly. when she insists on sharing my pillow, i usually wrap my arm around her and pull her tight to my chest and we spoon- but she always ends up at my belly- she seems to love it the best there. it makes me wanna pick her up and go on to bed now. i suppose i could record the news for in the mourning. but it makes me sad to watch the news when i first get up. maybe ill watch it tomorrow night.
tons of shit down there
dear snooping around in the basement today,
kicking things around in the basement today at dads i found all my fisher price people and their house and the airport and barn and the plane and parking garage. they haven't aged a bit. they seem so much smaller tho, and their bodies so frail. the ones my kids had were plastic and much brighter in color. but other than that, their hair was the same- their faces- young and vibrant- the plane clean and fresh- even the string to pull it was ready to go. i didn't let the boys have all that stuff- altho they did play with it a little during visits to papa's, but i never took it home with us. there is just so much- the school bus and the animals and all the different people- we had everything they made. dad asked me when i was gunna get that shit out of there today, he always asks me that, then i have to push it all back and stack stuff over it so he will forget about it again. then i looked at something else.
kicking things around in the basement today at dads i found all my fisher price people and their house and the airport and barn and the plane and parking garage. they haven't aged a bit. they seem so much smaller tho, and their bodies so frail. the ones my kids had were plastic and much brighter in color. but other than that, their hair was the same- their faces- young and vibrant- the plane clean and fresh- even the string to pull it was ready to go. i didn't let the boys have all that stuff- altho they did play with it a little during visits to papa's, but i never took it home with us. there is just so much- the school bus and the animals and all the different people- we had everything they made. dad asked me when i was gunna get that shit out of there today, he always asks me that, then i have to push it all back and stack stuff over it so he will forget about it again. then i looked at something else.
packin now
dear vacational not vocational diary,
i think i know where i want to go. the san diego zoo. i want to practice seeing giraffes so when i go on a safari- i wont go into shock. cuz i am going on a safari someday. when i am 50 something. im going to wear the brown shorts and the halter top and the hard hat and everything- drive around in the jungle jeep with the thermos of water. yep. ima go. to africa prolly. ima wear my hair in braids and make lion and monkey noises. im not going to take much either, packing light for my safari trip to the jungle. ima do a little connecting with nature. ima see about sleeping in a hut and cooking on my campsite. only if i have a safe safari guide that can protect me from the tigers or whatever lurks in the safari jungle. the woods around here just aren't dangerous enough, they lack lions and giraffes- for one, and i don't have a jeep. africa camping will be much more exciting- and im going to practice looking at all the animals i mite see on my nextest vacation.
i think i know where i want to go. the san diego zoo. i want to practice seeing giraffes so when i go on a safari- i wont go into shock. cuz i am going on a safari someday. when i am 50 something. im going to wear the brown shorts and the halter top and the hard hat and everything- drive around in the jungle jeep with the thermos of water. yep. ima go. to africa prolly. ima wear my hair in braids and make lion and monkey noises. im not going to take much either, packing light for my safari trip to the jungle. ima do a little connecting with nature. ima see about sleeping in a hut and cooking on my campsite. only if i have a safe safari guide that can protect me from the tigers or whatever lurks in the safari jungle. the woods around here just aren't dangerous enough, they lack lions and giraffes- for one, and i don't have a jeep. africa camping will be much more exciting- and im going to practice looking at all the animals i mite see on my nextest vacation.
the heat is on (the chops)
dear long and drawn out diary,
that nap on a scale from one to ten- i give it a two. it sucked. i woke up and casey anthony is all over the news again. the 500 pound gorilla in the room for me- is her mother- cindy- she looks hauntingly like the cuntface city employee's wife. every time i see that woman- i hate her, "smells like there's been a dead body in the damn car." too bad it wasn't hers. so i am awake now- and not by choice either- the grump would not shut up. no dreams either- because of his constant barking. im getting ready to get them chops cooked in the magic skillet. they'll be good. anything is good cooked in there. hence, the 'magic' before skillet. its an old plug in electric skillet. i can remember my grandma cooking everything from fried chicken to acon and beggs in that sucker. im ready to eat now. i cant wait for that lady to clean my house tomorrow. lol she's not going to be happy.
that nap on a scale from one to ten- i give it a two. it sucked. i woke up and casey anthony is all over the news again. the 500 pound gorilla in the room for me- is her mother- cindy- she looks hauntingly like the cuntface city employee's wife. every time i see that woman- i hate her, "smells like there's been a dead body in the damn car." too bad it wasn't hers. so i am awake now- and not by choice either- the grump would not shut up. no dreams either- because of his constant barking. im getting ready to get them chops cooked in the magic skillet. they'll be good. anything is good cooked in there. hence, the 'magic' before skillet. its an old plug in electric skillet. i can remember my grandma cooking everything from fried chicken to acon and beggs in that sucker. im ready to eat now. i cant wait for that lady to clean my house tomorrow. lol she's not going to be happy.
sleeping with the grump (holding becky)
dear ready to take a nap diary,
now im ready for a nap. ready to dream again. right now, it seems like im the only person ready to get into the bed. and im glad. i could sleep all day if people would quiet up and leave me alone- but that wont happen. just as soon as i shut my little computer down- here's what will happen. the grump will CHARGE into my room and PLOW into the bed before i can even get there. becky will remain on the couch, pouting, for a couple of minutes until i get arranged and then here she will come, to claim her space under my belly. i wish you could see the grump right now- he is posing as a cat on the back of the couch- but when he hears my laptop shutting down- he knows its bedtime. we will all cuddle and listen to the grump snore till dinner time, and then ima make pork chops. mmmm pork chops while waiting for the police to come LOL.
now im ready for a nap. ready to dream again. right now, it seems like im the only person ready to get into the bed. and im glad. i could sleep all day if people would quiet up and leave me alone- but that wont happen. just as soon as i shut my little computer down- here's what will happen. the grump will CHARGE into my room and PLOW into the bed before i can even get there. becky will remain on the couch, pouting, for a couple of minutes until i get arranged and then here she will come, to claim her space under my belly. i wish you could see the grump right now- he is posing as a cat on the back of the couch- but when he hears my laptop shutting down- he knows its bedtime. we will all cuddle and listen to the grump snore till dinner time, and then ima make pork chops. mmmm pork chops while waiting for the police to come LOL.
i was at your apartment today (haha and took pictures)
dear go ahead make my day diary,
lying doesn't get you anywhere. and having an order of protection to protect you when you're not protected doesn't either. its like having a condom in your wallet and fuckin naked dicked and expectin the condom in your wallet to protect you from disease. don't work that way do it man? not but about hardly. my lips are chapped again and i haven't been kissed in a year.. almost. in two days- it'll be a year. sad when you can remember the date huh. i can. i even remember what i was thinking. i was thinking, "ICK, GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE QUICK," and as i drove up main street- by papa johns- my head was spinning- what was i thinking? i wanted to puke. no, no, no, no, no, no, i did not just do that. why did i do that. man. i tried not to do that. fuck. i regret that. and it was JUST a fucking kiss- and i kept trying to back out of. but his tongue kept on roaming- and that little noise he makes- kept tuggin at my heart- and he held me so tight- and i couldn't fight it- that kiss was as meaningful as the first- with him. so go ahead and call the sheriff- like i did today. im not going to get arrested no matter what you say.
lying doesn't get you anywhere. and having an order of protection to protect you when you're not protected doesn't either. its like having a condom in your wallet and fuckin naked dicked and expectin the condom in your wallet to protect you from disease. don't work that way do it man? not but about hardly. my lips are chapped again and i haven't been kissed in a year.. almost. in two days- it'll be a year. sad when you can remember the date huh. i can. i even remember what i was thinking. i was thinking, "ICK, GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE QUICK," and as i drove up main street- by papa johns- my head was spinning- what was i thinking? i wanted to puke. no, no, no, no, no, no, i did not just do that. why did i do that. man. i tried not to do that. fuck. i regret that. and it was JUST a fucking kiss- and i kept trying to back out of. but his tongue kept on roaming- and that little noise he makes- kept tuggin at my heart- and he held me so tight- and i couldn't fight it- that kiss was as meaningful as the first- with him. so go ahead and call the sheriff- like i did today. im not going to get arrested no matter what you say.
sammy haGar post (fifty five)
dear i couldn't drive 55 when i saw your van tonight,
yeah that's right, had to walk that way tonight. rosa rolt her winda down- i didn't- on the count ima law abiding citizen- i think she needed air- but she looked over bout the same time i did, which happened to be at the place where your van was and i accidentally viewed it. LMAO. omg. whatever will you do. realizing i had fucked up, i turned around, AND DROVE BY THE SON OF A BITCH AGAIN, i had six hundred and 19 panic attacks before i got home. my neck is so sore, i thought the cops were chasing me, it was an honest mistake. anyway- i know sammy sang with van halen for a spell- so i thought he'd be appropriate for the van post, but ac/dc and walking that way- fit better than keeping the motor clean- or shoot to kill, but charlie daniels said it best and maybe i shoulda said that first.....(whisper this next part)..... fire on the mountain boy... run boy run....
yeah that's right, had to walk that way tonight. rosa rolt her winda down- i didn't- on the count ima law abiding citizen- i think she needed air- but she looked over bout the same time i did, which happened to be at the place where your van was and i accidentally viewed it. LMAO. omg. whatever will you do. realizing i had fucked up, i turned around, AND DROVE BY THE SON OF A BITCH AGAIN, i had six hundred and 19 panic attacks before i got home. my neck is so sore, i thought the cops were chasing me, it was an honest mistake. anyway- i know sammy sang with van halen for a spell- so i thought he'd be appropriate for the van post, but ac/dc and walking that way- fit better than keeping the motor clean- or shoot to kill, but charlie daniels said it best and maybe i shoulda said that first.....(whisper this next part)..... fire on the mountain boy... run boy run....
January 23, 2011
cinnamon roll (anyone?)
dear farting asshole dog diary,
the unibomber says he has separation anxiety disorder and that's why every time i leave and come back the first thing that happens- he comes and lines his asshole up here next to me on the couch and farts and i don't get that. what's he trying to prove anyway? i get it ok? it's the whole asshole too- and mysteriously, and i don't get this either- his tail somehow- its NOT there anymore- its dissolved somehow- gone- like it never existed even. im ashamed to have this knowledge, i am really, but after two or three HUNDRED times of this happening- you get the picture right? yeah and there are freckles on his flesh colored asshole- or are they shitflakes? ya know? shitflakes? cuz dogs cant wipe? but they never rub off on my arm usually, or at least i haven't noticed any trails. he usually raises his ass up so im sure to see it, the hole, and freckles- or flakes.
the unibomber says he has separation anxiety disorder and that's why every time i leave and come back the first thing that happens- he comes and lines his asshole up here next to me on the couch and farts and i don't get that. what's he trying to prove anyway? i get it ok? it's the whole asshole too- and mysteriously, and i don't get this either- his tail somehow- its NOT there anymore- its dissolved somehow- gone- like it never existed even. im ashamed to have this knowledge, i am really, but after two or three HUNDRED times of this happening- you get the picture right? yeah and there are freckles on his flesh colored asshole- or are they shitflakes? ya know? shitflakes? cuz dogs cant wipe? but they never rub off on my arm usually, or at least i haven't noticed any trails. he usually raises his ass up so im sure to see it, the hole, and freckles- or flakes.
clean trash (good home decor)
dear tester bottle diary,
when i get new things- i like to try 'em out first. i do. cuz i don't like to commit to nothing i ain't gunna be satisfied with for a long time because i keep shit forever and ever and ever. i still have shirts from the 6th grade- that my mom made- that i still wear. and i have blankets and curtains and damner- all kindsah dumbshit- especially dishes, i have ALL my grandmas dishes and her stove and her magic skillet. i still have the pictures that hung in our living room when i was a child- they hang in my basement now- and face the same geographical direction i last remember them hanging. i hang small pictures in closets. isn't that stupid? and i like oil lamps. they really heat up a room now. yep, stupid shit makes me happy. little tiny bottles make me happy- as long as they are clean. when they get dirty- they're dumb. if you're gunna collect stupid shit- its imperative you keep it clean, otherwise it just looks like trash.
when i get new things- i like to try 'em out first. i do. cuz i don't like to commit to nothing i ain't gunna be satisfied with for a long time because i keep shit forever and ever and ever. i still have shirts from the 6th grade- that my mom made- that i still wear. and i have blankets and curtains and damner- all kindsah dumbshit- especially dishes, i have ALL my grandmas dishes and her stove and her magic skillet. i still have the pictures that hung in our living room when i was a child- they hang in my basement now- and face the same geographical direction i last remember them hanging. i hang small pictures in closets. isn't that stupid? and i like oil lamps. they really heat up a room now. yep, stupid shit makes me happy. little tiny bottles make me happy- as long as they are clean. when they get dirty- they're dumb. if you're gunna collect stupid shit- its imperative you keep it clean, otherwise it just looks like trash.
ding-a-ling (let him in whydontcha)
dear knock knock whose there diary,
you know what's funny? ill think of something. in a minute. tonight i was told something about myself id never heard before. im black without the color. im shameless. i was distracted most of the night wondering what on earth this could possibly mean. my skin is creamy white, so that's not the issue. i do have coarse black hairs that grow in throughout my head of blond hair- but im not african american. i always pluck the long black hairs out- i used to save them in my Bible. they are strong enough to use as fishing line- if you needed any. in micro biology in college- i would view those black hairs under the microscope. they were amazing and twice the size of my blond ones. there aren't very many of those hairs in my head. i made the comment how i wished i was black and everyone seemed shocked. but later i thought, it really isn't about color at all- if i don't want to sit in the back of the bus- im white- and i ain't sitting there either. bottom line. unless its the last seat and its down between me and some little old lady or a retarded kid with one leg. why do people just sit by and let others do wrong by them? speak up when you are offended. it may not get you anywhere- but it eventually will- and it feels fucking good as a MOTHER FUCKER. your wet words are bound to fall upon dry ears at some point. i aint lyin. the truth has a distinct ring.
you know what's funny? ill think of something. in a minute. tonight i was told something about myself id never heard before. im black without the color. im shameless. i was distracted most of the night wondering what on earth this could possibly mean. my skin is creamy white, so that's not the issue. i do have coarse black hairs that grow in throughout my head of blond hair- but im not african american. i always pluck the long black hairs out- i used to save them in my Bible. they are strong enough to use as fishing line- if you needed any. in micro biology in college- i would view those black hairs under the microscope. they were amazing and twice the size of my blond ones. there aren't very many of those hairs in my head. i made the comment how i wished i was black and everyone seemed shocked. but later i thought, it really isn't about color at all- if i don't want to sit in the back of the bus- im white- and i ain't sitting there either. bottom line. unless its the last seat and its down between me and some little old lady or a retarded kid with one leg. why do people just sit by and let others do wrong by them? speak up when you are offended. it may not get you anywhere- but it eventually will- and it feels fucking good as a MOTHER FUCKER. your wet words are bound to fall upon dry ears at some point. i aint lyin. the truth has a distinct ring.
cotton swab light (100's)
dear ooh laa laa diary,
set a trap- you'll catch a raccoon- or in my case- a child. i busted him stealing cigarettes. i knew the little fucker was doing that too, so i counted them, and wrote on the bottom of the pack 17, because (duh) that's how many there were, and left them out in the open territory while i napped. guess what. go ahead. ill wait. care to guess how many i woke up to? 15. and i didn't count wrong either- so no defending him- i wont hear it. kids. that one anyway. he thinks ima idiot. maybe i am. ok i am. but wow. and sham wow. ima just kill him now and get it over with- ain't no sense waitin. i got caught smoking out of my bedroom window when i was about his age- told my dad it was a q-tip. a q-tip. im so sure he believed that. i never was a very good liar. a q-tip tho. dead of winter- storm window up- hanging out my upstairs window lighting a q-tip. great cover. oh yeah. i knew my kids wouldn't get away with shit- but look at them go.
set a trap- you'll catch a raccoon- or in my case- a child. i busted him stealing cigarettes. i knew the little fucker was doing that too, so i counted them, and wrote on the bottom of the pack 17, because (duh) that's how many there were, and left them out in the open territory while i napped. guess what. go ahead. ill wait. care to guess how many i woke up to? 15. and i didn't count wrong either- so no defending him- i wont hear it. kids. that one anyway. he thinks ima idiot. maybe i am. ok i am. but wow. and sham wow. ima just kill him now and get it over with- ain't no sense waitin. i got caught smoking out of my bedroom window when i was about his age- told my dad it was a q-tip. a q-tip. im so sure he believed that. i never was a very good liar. a q-tip tho. dead of winter- storm window up- hanging out my upstairs window lighting a q-tip. great cover. oh yeah. i knew my kids wouldn't get away with shit- but look at them go.
ugly dogs (seem to stay home better)
dear 123 first shift diary,
i woke up with blue hair and clean nails today- just not in that order. becky slept with her legs in towards me again last night for the second night in a row- and ima go out on a limb and say most pit bulls don't sleep that way. i think she likes looking at me. she laid there with her eyes fixed on me for a long time- just gazing. i could feel her heart beating on my chest and her breath on my cheek. its a feeling like no other. she is a serious sleeper. i just love waking up with her. if ever a dog and owner were meant to be together- it was her and i. how many dogs sleep stomach to stomach in bed with a human? and love it? she ain't a dog tho- but thank goodness the grump is. he cant sleep worth a shit. he is next to me now snoring. he'll be farting next. he is an awful bed companion. oh and did i tell you he didn't recognize me friday when i forgot my phone and came back inside to get it? yup, came charging at me with his hack up- i had my pink fuzzy hat on- didnt know who i was. AND HE WAS SERIOUS. i said, "are you KIDDING ME?" he wasn't. he wudda bit me- i think. becky put his ass in check. i did come back in rather fast, maybe it was my fault. it was dark, maybe next time- ill knock. idiot dog. he is old now- i don't wanna take any chances. lol. just the otherday he was a pup. now he is senile. he always has been a weird dog. i just thought it was cuz he knew he was good looking. ive always had ugly dogs. seems like the ugly dogs are more loyal. like the boyfriends.
i woke up with blue hair and clean nails today- just not in that order. becky slept with her legs in towards me again last night for the second night in a row- and ima go out on a limb and say most pit bulls don't sleep that way. i think she likes looking at me. she laid there with her eyes fixed on me for a long time- just gazing. i could feel her heart beating on my chest and her breath on my cheek. its a feeling like no other. she is a serious sleeper. i just love waking up with her. if ever a dog and owner were meant to be together- it was her and i. how many dogs sleep stomach to stomach in bed with a human? and love it? she ain't a dog tho- but thank goodness the grump is. he cant sleep worth a shit. he is next to me now snoring. he'll be farting next. he is an awful bed companion. oh and did i tell you he didn't recognize me friday when i forgot my phone and came back inside to get it? yup, came charging at me with his hack up- i had my pink fuzzy hat on- didnt know who i was. AND HE WAS SERIOUS. i said, "are you KIDDING ME?" he wasn't. he wudda bit me- i think. becky put his ass in check. i did come back in rather fast, maybe it was my fault. it was dark, maybe next time- ill knock. idiot dog. he is old now- i don't wanna take any chances. lol. just the otherday he was a pup. now he is senile. he always has been a weird dog. i just thought it was cuz he knew he was good looking. ive always had ugly dogs. seems like the ugly dogs are more loyal. like the boyfriends.
it worked before (ask pooh and tigger)
dear ms. independent diary,
man. it sure is nice having my own place here in this town. ida never moved away from the public housing in craigland either. i like still postcarding there to appease the flagger fuck, its fun. you know, i can go back into my account and tell you exactly when all that started happening. because, the day i started talking to the man in new york- he told me to yank everything off of craigland- and i did- and that took me forever- and everything i removed shows blue- and everything that gets flagged- shows pink. so- i can pretty much nail down the date it started happening on our board- but- i know matter of factly- it was going on in springfield long before it happened here. i know who my little 'mini' flagger wanna be's were, and are, and i live just for them. i wish they would drive by my house again- come on you little cuntface- im just dying to throw a can of corn at you.
man. it sure is nice having my own place here in this town. ida never moved away from the public housing in craigland either. i like still postcarding there to appease the flagger fuck, its fun. you know, i can go back into my account and tell you exactly when all that started happening. because, the day i started talking to the man in new york- he told me to yank everything off of craigland- and i did- and that took me forever- and everything i removed shows blue- and everything that gets flagged- shows pink. so- i can pretty much nail down the date it started happening on our board- but- i know matter of factly- it was going on in springfield long before it happened here. i know who my little 'mini' flagger wanna be's were, and are, and i live just for them. i wish they would drive by my house again- come on you little cuntface- im just dying to throw a can of corn at you.
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