dear seeing the future while eating sausage and burping lettuce diary,
i never did like to eat pancakes much, with fake syrup especially- or fake butter. margarine just ain't my thing. 2% milk at room temperature doesn't trip my trigger either, but mr. snow made my heart sing. he invited me over to his house again, and this time i humbly accepted, but when i told him i stawked him often and dreamed of him steady- he smiled and still seemed ready. so i gave him one more chance to back out- i said, "are you sure you aren't scared of me yet," he said he was, "leary," and smiled real big and said, "i'd better get my rear end over there." it was at that moment i saw in his eyes something i'd never seen before, he was trying to tell me something- something much more. he's been trying to talk with me since january 2007. i ignored his request- and did my best today to explain why- he understood- as i hoped he would- or at least i'd hoped he would try. so now i am nervous to enter that world- because it is one where i don't belong. i wouldn't know how to act or how to feel- or how to get along. i have never been given a chance like that- to be a real person- ive always been so content being the second class citizen. behind the scenes- the one to be mean to- the one to kick around- the one to laugh at- the one to poke fun at- not the one to wear a crown. i am a criminal- remember- i ain't worth shit- i pass out and pee my pants- better yet- here's one better- i told everyone i have herpes in my pants.
