dear bang bang diary,
i've been asleep for quite awhile now but someone left the back screen door ajar and it woke me up on several occasions and after ignoring it so many times- i got up to see what was making all the racket and started a load of bleach laundry and shut that mf. now i am up and taking a break from the bed for a minute- resting from sleep before i go back to bed. i woke up with a mind full of thoughts and collaborations of conspiracies. its a safe day. i have to get gas. i need a bath- due to the syrup in my hair- and fake syrup at that. i also woke up on my back- an unusual pose- and i woke up with my right leg up. really unusual. it almost freaked me out. i'd just finished yet another dream about a hotel again- that's two nights in a row the hotel dreams have been issued- and while i like hotel dreams- there's much insight to be gained from a dream- especially a repetitive one. waiting is hard for me- i have the patience of a knat- however this virtue has iimproved with time. i am not as antsy as i used to be. i wouldn't consider myself a california dreamer on a winters day either- like that song says- i am more of a california driver on an illinois winter street in the summer or winter. i wish i could resolve just the one issue of my heart. i ain't speaking of the goat either- because he's never been into my heart. he has been around my heart and there is room for him there- but nah- he ain't made it in there really- and he won't let's be fair. it is that one place my heart is stuck at, i thought time would heal, it hasn't yet, i often wonder if it ever will and for everything that i am- i keep asking why- was it what i did- what the cuntface did- or because i still believe the lies? i don't know, but i have been told to leave the little dick alone- which i had no problem doing until they told me i couldn't do it on my own. now i cant shut up i want to scream it 24/7, and that poor other guy stan that works downtown STAN- should go to HEAVEN. what he did ain't shit compared to what the hero did to me- he made a joke out of his job and out of our city fire company. that seems ok to practice that kind of immoral behavior, i admit at the time it was fun- forgive me my Savior. i have to live with this all- i am the bad person. that is why i carry the label whore- and he the city employee/husband/hero/emt.
i've been asleep for quite awhile now but someone left the back screen door ajar and it woke me up on several occasions and after ignoring it so many times- i got up to see what was making all the racket and started a load of bleach laundry and shut that mf. now i am up and taking a break from the bed for a minute- resting from sleep before i go back to bed. i woke up with a mind full of thoughts and collaborations of conspiracies. its a safe day. i have to get gas. i need a bath- due to the syrup in my hair- and fake syrup at that. i also woke up on my back- an unusual pose- and i woke up with my right leg up. really unusual. it almost freaked me out. i'd just finished yet another dream about a hotel again- that's two nights in a row the hotel dreams have been issued- and while i like hotel dreams- there's much insight to be gained from a dream- especially a repetitive one. waiting is hard for me- i have the patience of a knat- however this virtue has iimproved with time. i am not as antsy as i used to be. i wouldn't consider myself a california dreamer on a winters day either- like that song says- i am more of a california driver on an illinois winter street in the summer or winter. i wish i could resolve just the one issue of my heart. i ain't speaking of the goat either- because he's never been into my heart. he has been around my heart and there is room for him there- but nah- he ain't made it in there really- and he won't let's be fair. it is that one place my heart is stuck at, i thought time would heal, it hasn't yet, i often wonder if it ever will and for everything that i am- i keep asking why- was it what i did- what the cuntface did- or because i still believe the lies? i don't know, but i have been told to leave the little dick alone- which i had no problem doing until they told me i couldn't do it on my own. now i cant shut up i want to scream it 24/7, and that poor other guy stan that works downtown STAN- should go to HEAVEN. what he did ain't shit compared to what the hero did to me- he made a joke out of his job and out of our city fire company. that seems ok to practice that kind of immoral behavior, i admit at the time it was fun- forgive me my Savior. i have to live with this all- i am the bad person. that is why i carry the label whore- and he the city employee/husband/hero/emt.
