dear going to bed early as fuck diary,
i went to bed early with becky last night because i found chewing tobacco in the kitchen. that is way out. let me explain why that it way out. please. ok. background. i am a smoker. however, for instance, i thought cigarettes were going up on new years, so on december 31st, i bought a carton and those lasted me until january 27th. you can do the math. i don't consider myself a heavy smoker. meanwhile, the unibomber, he bought himself a carton THE SAME DAY, december 31st, earlier in the day tho- and by january 27th, he had purchased TWO more cartons and was ready for his THIRD. i made a mental note and bought my second carton. now we are into march already, and my house smells like a fucking bowling alley, to the point where i don't even want to smoke- the car stinks- the ashtray is heaping full- no room for another butt- i walk into the kitchen tonight and what is on the counter- fucking BEECHNUT chewing tobacco. now what the fuck? wanna start chewing nicotine gum and wearing the patch too? so he says to me, (after i have been in bed for an hour) "you going to bed already? what's wrong?" and i reply, "yeah- i don't know who the fuck you are. that hair all over your face- that butthole for a mouth- and now you chew tobacco- who are you?" and what do you know- the typical response- complete with cigarette smoke to ice the cake, "fuck you bitch- i'll chew what i want." and with that i rolled over and thought- 'how sexy,'
i went to bed early with becky last night because i found chewing tobacco in the kitchen. that is way out. let me explain why that it way out. please. ok. background. i am a smoker. however, for instance, i thought cigarettes were going up on new years, so on december 31st, i bought a carton and those lasted me until january 27th. you can do the math. i don't consider myself a heavy smoker. meanwhile, the unibomber, he bought himself a carton THE SAME DAY, december 31st, earlier in the day tho- and by january 27th, he had purchased TWO more cartons and was ready for his THIRD. i made a mental note and bought my second carton. now we are into march already, and my house smells like a fucking bowling alley, to the point where i don't even want to smoke- the car stinks- the ashtray is heaping full- no room for another butt- i walk into the kitchen tonight and what is on the counter- fucking BEECHNUT chewing tobacco. now what the fuck? wanna start chewing nicotine gum and wearing the patch too? so he says to me, (after i have been in bed for an hour) "you going to bed already? what's wrong?" and i reply, "yeah- i don't know who the fuck you are. that hair all over your face- that butthole for a mouth- and now you chew tobacco- who are you?" and what do you know- the typical response- complete with cigarette smoke to ice the cake, "fuck you bitch- i'll chew what i want." and with that i rolled over and thought- 'how sexy,'
