dear play that funky music mexican boy diary,
i never dated much. that might be my biggest regret. i did have a ton of sex tho- i did. unibomber style sex. it was good sex. machine like sex. predictable- honest sex- dependable. to this day- it's still the best i have ever had. i'd give a glowing reference to anyone who would ask. yes, the unibomber is a beast. he just fixed my dad's tv. daddy called while we were over getting the new huge wooden door from my girlfriend's house- claiming the lightning had struck his house last night and killed the tv- made the phones static-y and (i loved this part) made his dancing snowman continuously go off- WHICH WOKE HIM UP IN THE NIGHT making him realize his tv wasn't working. my poor dad. in april of 1996- it was that fucking tornado. always right before tax time too- you know he is a cpa. his van blew up, the computer fried, and now- the CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT is going haywire. why is the snowman dancing to jingle bells still out? i couldn't even ask him. his complaint seemed so justified- him explaining how he had to find a screwdriver to remove the battery cover at 3AM and all- just to shut the snowman down. i couldn't help but feel for the poor guy. BUT STILL. as a last resort, before taking the 1975 model tv to the curb for tomorrows new trash pick up date, the unibomber did what he always does, he gave it that one magic whack on the side. then he pushed the 'on' button one more time- like he knew somehow. i'll be a son of a bitch if oprah's big smile wasn't right there- just smiling away- like she knew too. predictable, honest, just like a machine- you always get what you pay for in the unibomber. a beast.
i never dated much. that might be my biggest regret. i did have a ton of sex tho- i did. unibomber style sex. it was good sex. machine like sex. predictable- honest sex- dependable. to this day- it's still the best i have ever had. i'd give a glowing reference to anyone who would ask. yes, the unibomber is a beast. he just fixed my dad's tv. daddy called while we were over getting the new huge wooden door from my girlfriend's house- claiming the lightning had struck his house last night and killed the tv- made the phones static-y and (i loved this part) made his dancing snowman continuously go off- WHICH WOKE HIM UP IN THE NIGHT making him realize his tv wasn't working. my poor dad. in april of 1996- it was that fucking tornado. always right before tax time too- you know he is a cpa. his van blew up, the computer fried, and now- the CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT is going haywire. why is the snowman dancing to jingle bells still out? i couldn't even ask him. his complaint seemed so justified- him explaining how he had to find a screwdriver to remove the battery cover at 3AM and all- just to shut the snowman down. i couldn't help but feel for the poor guy. BUT STILL. as a last resort, before taking the 1975 model tv to the curb for tomorrows new trash pick up date, the unibomber did what he always does, he gave it that one magic whack on the side. then he pushed the 'on' button one more time- like he knew somehow. i'll be a son of a bitch if oprah's big smile wasn't right there- just smiling away- like she knew too. predictable, honest, just like a machine- you always get what you pay for in the unibomber. a beast.
