April 6, 2011

slobbering shitfest

dear flush flush diary,

well, i bet you the toilet has flushed no less than SIXTY times this morning already, and that is on the lowside. the unibomber and prince harry are having a shitfest. it happens whenever the two of them eat cake. it don't fuck with me like that- but then i didn't eat it until the wee hours either. the dogs eat a ton of food. i am just realizing how much they go through. becky eats hers in the morning. she just woofed down a giant bowl. now she will munch on people food for the rest of the day. she doesn't beg for shit- neither one of my dogs do- that's why i feed them. i've had dogs that beg. marty joanne, "mighty gymshoe," we called him, he would drool and slobber and carry on- i never fed him shit. he was so rude. he stole food. you had to put your plate up- he'd take food right off that bitch. don't get a drink either- seriously. take your plate with you. both becky and the grump will eat off a fork AND NOT TOUCH THE FORK- it's damn near amazing. becky can drink out of a glass- you know she has that underbite. the glass rests on her bottom lip. there flushes the toilet again. good thing we don't pay per flush.