dear shower curtain rod diary,
for the very first time ever, i dreamt of a shower curtain rod. how impressive right? i know i shall never be the same again. i also dreamt of de-boned pigeons for sale at the store- with the skin left on- but all the feathers plucked off- and i almost bought one- TILL I REALIZED IT WAS A PIGEON. i could never eat a pigeon. omg. speaking of birds and eating, when my friend and i went to vegas, SHOUT OUT LADY THUNDERBIRD, we stayed with my aunt barbara who told us a story about my aunt mary. this part of the story i am about to tell you was told to us over BREAKFAST, so imagine stuffing food in your hungry mouth while seeing the hands of your grandfather's sister actually doing what you are hearing happened from an eye witness- WHO IS 100% CREDIBLE. one morning in the mid 1950's, aunt mary got up and fixed four squirrels she'd trapped and killed and this is what they were to have for breakfast. when uncle glenn, (my favorite uncle EVER) and uncle bob and aunt barbara sat down at the table, on their plates were the squirrels on their backs- their little legs sticking up in the air, their tails hanging off the plates, fully cooked, AND THE FUR LEFT ON. now i asked barb to repeat the story AND SHE DID, and so i got my facts straight. barb said uncle glenn and aunt mary were the only ones who ate. barb said she would also TIE BOB TO THE HIGH CHAIR when she would go to the barn and tend to the cows. i want all my stawkers to know- aunt mary was weird, yes, but- she handmade a blanket for my son and lived to be 101- and buried money in her yard and i got her bad ass birdhouse.
for the very first time ever, i dreamt of a shower curtain rod. how impressive right? i know i shall never be the same again. i also dreamt of de-boned pigeons for sale at the store- with the skin left on- but all the feathers plucked off- and i almost bought one- TILL I REALIZED IT WAS A PIGEON. i could never eat a pigeon. omg. speaking of birds and eating, when my friend and i went to vegas, SHOUT OUT LADY THUNDERBIRD, we stayed with my aunt barbara who told us a story about my aunt mary. this part of the story i am about to tell you was told to us over BREAKFAST, so imagine stuffing food in your hungry mouth while seeing the hands of your grandfather's sister actually doing what you are hearing happened from an eye witness- WHO IS 100% CREDIBLE. one morning in the mid 1950's, aunt mary got up and fixed four squirrels she'd trapped and killed and this is what they were to have for breakfast. when uncle glenn, (my favorite uncle EVER) and uncle bob and aunt barbara sat down at the table, on their plates were the squirrels on their backs- their little legs sticking up in the air, their tails hanging off the plates, fully cooked, AND THE FUR LEFT ON. now i asked barb to repeat the story AND SHE DID, and so i got my facts straight. barb said uncle glenn and aunt mary were the only ones who ate. barb said she would also TIE BOB TO THE HIGH CHAIR when she would go to the barn and tend to the cows. i want all my stawkers to know- aunt mary was weird, yes, but- she handmade a blanket for my son and lived to be 101- and buried money in her yard and i got her bad ass birdhouse.
