dear once a year diary,
about every six months or so, my dad takes off and goes off with his buddy for an all day trip and that is when i sneak over there and break in (with my key) and start doing dumb shit that needs to be done. last time there was a witness to the terrifically hurried event, karen is her name and she unfortunately heard foul words coming from my sweet little mouth and everything. i have known karen since i was pizza pan sized- actually i think she was the second or third one to meet me after my parents got me and brought me home and sat me on the table. now all these years later, karen, she is the only witness to the theft of the outrageous garbage that had surmounted and the sailor mouth that directed the unibomber of what NOT to take. my dad was SUPER PISSED i took his stacks of twined newspapers and shit, but he didn't need any of it, and we certainly didn't begin to even make a dent that day. then when dad and i had breakfast day before yesterday, guess what he said to me, in verbatim he said, "youns need to come over and get to stealing more stuff out of my garage, so i can park in there on the north side." i kinda laughed, i know he'll turn red faced and pissed off no matter what i take, throw away, recycle, donate, or even move, but i agreed nevertheless. then he added- with a pointed stubby little finger held kindof towards me, "and you can keep that little potty mouth of yours hushed up while you're doin it this time too." you know, i always knew that karen lady was a snitch- even if she is NICE.
about every six months or so, my dad takes off and goes off with his buddy for an all day trip and that is when i sneak over there and break in (with my key) and start doing dumb shit that needs to be done. last time there was a witness to the terrifically hurried event, karen is her name and she unfortunately heard foul words coming from my sweet little mouth and everything. i have known karen since i was pizza pan sized- actually i think she was the second or third one to meet me after my parents got me and brought me home and sat me on the table. now all these years later, karen, she is the only witness to the theft of the outrageous garbage that had surmounted and the sailor mouth that directed the unibomber of what NOT to take. my dad was SUPER PISSED i took his stacks of twined newspapers and shit, but he didn't need any of it, and we certainly didn't begin to even make a dent that day. then when dad and i had breakfast day before yesterday, guess what he said to me, in verbatim he said, "youns need to come over and get to stealing more stuff out of my garage, so i can park in there on the north side." i kinda laughed, i know he'll turn red faced and pissed off no matter what i take, throw away, recycle, donate, or even move, but i agreed nevertheless. then he added- with a pointed stubby little finger held kindof towards me, "and you can keep that little potty mouth of yours hushed up while you're doin it this time too." you know, i always knew that karen lady was a snitch- even if she is NICE.
