dear standing on the edge diary,
looking over the side can be dangerous if someone is right behind you that is pushy. especially if they don't like you very much or they are rather jumpy and there are loud noises loose in the air or so forth. i scare easily. fucking jump out of my skin at the slightest touch or sound- and i am deaf. so i dunno how that worked out. oh and i hate being touched and i was never abused as a child. i just hate being touched. ain't nobody ever broke me yet. the ONLY place i like to be touched is my butt- at night- as i am falling asleep- and just really lightly with your fingertips- and really that's only at the hotel- cuz at home i don't need that- but you can iffin you want. i'm not sure why i am so reactive to sounds and really i do not find it as amusing as others do. but i will jump right out of my skin without so much as a clue. i can even scare myself by falling asleep sometimes and i wake myself back up- trying to explain that to someone can really get fucked up. that is why i stand away from the edge these days- back way far where it is safe. i don't take the chances i used to- i stand back here and wait. i still get spooked out of my skin and i know that feeling wont leave, but to know what is real and what is not- that is what i have to believe.
looking over the side can be dangerous if someone is right behind you that is pushy. especially if they don't like you very much or they are rather jumpy and there are loud noises loose in the air or so forth. i scare easily. fucking jump out of my skin at the slightest touch or sound- and i am deaf. so i dunno how that worked out. oh and i hate being touched and i was never abused as a child. i just hate being touched. ain't nobody ever broke me yet. the ONLY place i like to be touched is my butt- at night- as i am falling asleep- and just really lightly with your fingertips- and really that's only at the hotel- cuz at home i don't need that- but you can iffin you want. i'm not sure why i am so reactive to sounds and really i do not find it as amusing as others do. but i will jump right out of my skin without so much as a clue. i can even scare myself by falling asleep sometimes and i wake myself back up- trying to explain that to someone can really get fucked up. that is why i stand away from the edge these days- back way far where it is safe. i don't take the chances i used to- i stand back here and wait. i still get spooked out of my skin and i know that feeling wont leave, but to know what is real and what is not- that is what i have to believe.
