dear waking up with one less diary,
looking out my window this morning, i couldn't help but think of my family on the west coast. yes, i know what they are going through- that kind of pain that hurts THE most. it hurts here too, in the middle of our state- but the pain wont linger on- because for us it will heal sooner. dad had me check on tickets last night- i don't want to go- i know if i went out there- i'd have to do a show. then i'd hurt everyone's feelings- for being inappropriate- but i would not go clear out there- if i could not do it. now i know how its done out there- all i have to do is a 20 minute set- the cash i make in tips alone- would be plenty if that's all i get. there would be plenty of time after the funeral and all the family visits. but that would just be wrong i think to make people laugh- right after i got done crying and being sad and all that. and what if someone from the funeral was there and saw me up on stage, cracking jokes and cursing- really not acting my age. they might go back and tell my aunt and uncle what i did- left the fucking funeral and went and acted like a kid.
looking out my window this morning, i couldn't help but think of my family on the west coast. yes, i know what they are going through- that kind of pain that hurts THE most. it hurts here too, in the middle of our state- but the pain wont linger on- because for us it will heal sooner. dad had me check on tickets last night- i don't want to go- i know if i went out there- i'd have to do a show. then i'd hurt everyone's feelings- for being inappropriate- but i would not go clear out there- if i could not do it. now i know how its done out there- all i have to do is a 20 minute set- the cash i make in tips alone- would be plenty if that's all i get. there would be plenty of time after the funeral and all the family visits. but that would just be wrong i think to make people laugh- right after i got done crying and being sad and all that. and what if someone from the funeral was there and saw me up on stage, cracking jokes and cursing- really not acting my age. they might go back and tell my aunt and uncle what i did- left the fucking funeral and went and acted like a kid.
