dear bend over diary,
i bet everyone shits their pants every once in awhile. once, when i was small- prolly six- maybe seven- i'd say six- it sounds better- i shit my pants down at the farm and i didn't know what to do. grandma burned all the garbage- she'd see my panties- or worse smell them burning for fucks sake- so i didn't know what i was going to do AT ALL. i took my sears robuck & co underwear to the shed with a spoon from the kitchen drawer and i buried them in the corner of dirt floor. i packed dirt over them and stomped them tightly down so nobody would ever know what had happened. when i got back home, my mom knew i had a pair of underwear missing. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SHIT? knew which ones they were and all. i told her i left them at grandma's. she told me to BRING THEM HOME. i'd say twenty years later- the unibomber and i were nosing around down at the farm one day. that shed where i'd hid my shitty pants had long fallen over- but that corner was somehow still assessable. with little effort i scratched and pulled the remaining waistband from the soil. "ima bring these home," i said. and i did.
i bet everyone shits their pants every once in awhile. once, when i was small- prolly six- maybe seven- i'd say six- it sounds better- i shit my pants down at the farm and i didn't know what to do. grandma burned all the garbage- she'd see my panties- or worse smell them burning for fucks sake- so i didn't know what i was going to do AT ALL. i took my sears robuck & co underwear to the shed with a spoon from the kitchen drawer and i buried them in the corner of dirt floor. i packed dirt over them and stomped them tightly down so nobody would ever know what had happened. when i got back home, my mom knew i had a pair of underwear missing. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SHIT? knew which ones they were and all. i told her i left them at grandma's. she told me to BRING THEM HOME. i'd say twenty years later- the unibomber and i were nosing around down at the farm one day. that shed where i'd hid my shitty pants had long fallen over- but that corner was somehow still assessable. with little effort i scratched and pulled the remaining waistband from the soil. "ima bring these home," i said. and i did.
