dear stop looking at me diary,
snap your fingers. i said i am burning my blanket tomorrow. i still plan to. ima take it to my mom's and do it there. burn baby burn. it's gonna be so weird to watch it go up in smoke. rock on. fire will melt the ice. not a celebration really- but sort of. ima miss my blanket of twenty some odd years. and oh how odd the years were. every home i've lived in- i can see my fish blanket and knowing tomorrow it will be condensed to a pile of ashes in an envelope ready for my trip to the pacific coast highway one, just seems really fucking strangely comforting to me. thinking that my blanket will never provide the love and comfort it has shown me for close to a quarter of a century to anybody else ever again hurts and i know it is selfish to burn it- but i have to give it some final place where it can return into nature and hopefully one day find me again and make me whole. for my blanket this will be a three step process. the burning tomorrow, at 5:15 PM will be the first step. when i release the ashes in to the pacific- step two. when it finds its way back to me- the process will be complete- step three. i would keep it for another 25 years but it is all ripped up now and it is time to put my poor blanket to rest at sea. no sense washing it tonight. then.
