dear six minutes ago and twenty eight years diary,
today is a significant day no matter what year you pick inbetween this one and the last 28 that have passed, it is finally time for something wonderful to happen on this date. i coulda had my baby today, the doctor said he would induce my labor on today's date, but i couldn't do it- i did think about it briefly, but not today. i heard the garage door open that thursday a little after 6:PM and i knew my dad wasn't supposed to be home from visiting my mom up at the hospital until around our bedtimes, and when he came through the kitchen door and i saw the look on his face- i knew. he wouldn't be visiting my mother anymore. i knew i didnt have a mother anymore. the frozen orange juice i was making fell to the floor and i ran out the front door and sat for a couple of good hours on the bridge at the pond behind our house. her pain had ended, but my lifetime of pain had just started. maybe that is why i had it marked on the calendar the day william and harry both reached the age and hour and minute my mother disappeared from my life. we were sitting at the texas roadhouse when this turning point happened for william. i thought- what if i had just vanished RIGHT THEN? i remember, that was a hard dinner to finish that night. six minutes ago i just woke up and realized, it is thursday again.
