super soaker HE ball bat

dear feel that rush diary,

my dog becky just squirmed her way up on my bed and farted. she has the sweetest little sounding farts and they don't even stink that bad. i think they are so cute. when the grump farts, it will drive you out of the room. i believe his gas passing is calculated. i think the grump is fully aware when he is about ready to let his streams of horror rip because he waits until the best WORST possible time and then he does his shit. then that fucker looks around and makes sure everybody got a giant whiff. then if you don't make a big deal about his effort, that fat bitch will rip another. becky, she doesn't understand. becky doesn't like people who fart, except me, she likes my farts because i hardly ever fart and when i do it is a serious treat for everyone. becky gets worried when i fart because sometimes, especially lately, i shit my pants. the new whirlpool washer has done a fine job removing the shit from my pants. i do not shit my pants when i get scared. i keep a ball bat with me most of the time now.